[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

David Andrews dandrews at visi.com
Sun May 31 03:46:37 UTC 2009


A gentleman doesn't .......

Dave

At 08:30 AM 5/29/2009, you wrote:
>Okay, and so the question is just out there as big as day - did you 
>have a good time with Jennifer?
>
>
>----- Original Message ----- From: "David Andrews" <dandrews at visi.com>
>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 6:48 PM
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>
>>What phone I was talking to myself (smile.)
>>
>>I was at a technology conference a couple years ago, and walking to 
>>a second hotel to visit a woman named Jennifer.  Some guy was going 
>>the other way on the sidewalk, and as he got within a couple feet 
>>of me I heard him say "I hope you have a good time with 
>>Jennifer!"  I of course thought -- how did he know -- until I 
>>figured out he was talking on his cell phone.
>>
>>Dave
>>
>>At 10:58 PM 5/26/2009, you wrote:
>>>When cellphones were still a bit of a novelty, I walked into the
>>>National Center for the Blind to attend an R&D Committee meeting and
>>>encountered Curtis Chong and David Andrews. Each of us thought he was
>>>talking to one or both of the other two; turns out all three of us were
>>>carrying on separate cellphone conversations!
>>>
>>>Mike Freeman
>>>
>>>----- Original Message -----
>>>From: "Gary Wunder" <gwunder at earthlink.net>
>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 6:37 PM
>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>
>>>
>>>Yes, that happens to me too. Another funny thing that happens in that
>>>regard
>>>is to be walking down the hallway, hear somebody talking a few yards
>>>away,
>>>try intensely to figure out where the person is they are talking with,
>>>and
>>>then realize they are talking on the telephone and there's no one to
>>>avoid
>>>but them.
>>>----- Original Message -----
>>>From: "dewey bradley" <dewey.bradley at gmail.com>
>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 8:29 PM
>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>
>>>
>>> > Also when someone is on the phone, and you think they are speaking to
>>> > you.
>>> > I'm shore we all get that.
>>> > ----- Original Message -----
>>> > From: "Cindy Handel" <cindy425 at verizon.net>
>>> > To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> > Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 12:21 PM
>>> > Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >> Diane,
>>> >>
>>> >> I am not a person who readily hugs or touches others.  But, I don't
>>> >> mind
>>> >> if
>>> >> someone touches my arm or wants a hug.  I think, when it comes to
>>> >> someone,
>>> >> like a waitress speaking, it would be easier if they would touch a
>>> >> shoulder
>>> >> or my hand.  There have been times when someone is talking to me, but
>>> >> I
>>> >> didn't know it, or they might have been talking to someone else, near
>>> >> me,
>>> >> and I respond.  That's sometimes difficult.  Most of the time, you
>>> >> can
>>> >> tell
>>> >> if someone is looking toward you when they're speaking.  But, if
>>> >> there's
>>> >> someone else, in the same direction, it's hard to know, specifically,
>>> >> who
>>> >> they're looking at.
>>> >>
>>> >> This is turning out to be a very interesting topic.
>>> >>
>>> >> Cindy
>>> >> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >> From: "Graves, Diane" <dgraves at icrc.IN.gov>
>>> >> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> >> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 10:41 AM
>>> >> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >> HI Paul,
>>> >>
>>> >> This is an interesting topic and it also gets pretty complicated, at
>>> >> least where I am concerned.
>>> >>
>>> >> As far as your question about making that initial contact, I would
>>> >> say
>>> >> it is very appropriate.  I would most certainly prefer a light touch
>>> >> on
>>> >> my shoulder than having someone talk to someone who is with me,
>>> >> inquiring as to what I might like to order, as if I weren't there, or
>>> >> as
>>> >> if I were a child.  I do not  object to this at all.
>>> >>
>>> >> I have noted in this discussion that there are several people who
>>> >> have
>>> >> said they don't like to be touched.  I have the opposite problem.
>>> >> Whether it has anything to do with blindness or not, I really don't
>>> >> know, but I am a person who is tactile, and or affectionate with
>>> >> people
>>> >> that I know.
>>> >>
>>> >> This is gotten me crossways with several people, as I have learned,
>>> >> sometimes the hard way, that some of us don't' appreciate being
>>> >> touched.
>>> >>
>>> >> As a tactile person myself, that is something that I have a real hard
>>> >> time fathoming or remembering.  I don't grab and cling to strangers
>>> >> by
>>> >> any means, but when there is a person who I know, like or associate
>>> >> with, it is not uncommon for me to reach out and want to hug someone
>>> >> or
>>> >> look at their hairstyle, or place a hand gently on their arm or
>>> >> shoulder
>>> >> when speaking to them.  I also welcome warm handshakes, hugs, and the
>>> >> like from those whom I consider friends and associates. I have had to
>>> >> learn that some people object to this, and it isn't always easy to
>>> >> remember.
>>> >>
>>> >> Now, like I said, it gets complicated, because  what I do object to
>>> >> is
>>> >> those well meaning sighted people, many of them strangers, who want
>>> >> to
>>> >> grab me or my clothes or coat or whatever, thinking that they are
>>> >> helping to guide me or saving me from falling off a curb or something
>>> >> like that.
>>> >>
>>> >> There is a lady who does this every day at the bus stop in the
>>> >> evening,
>>> >> and I just want to slap her sometimes.  They wouldn't take liberties
>>> >> with and/or manhandle a sighted person like that, and I do not
>>> >> appreciate it either.
>>> >>
>>> >> Diane Graves
>>> >> Civil Rights Specialist
>>> >> Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>>> >> Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>>> >> 317-232-2647
>>> >>
>>> >> "IT is service that measures success."
>>> >> George Washington Carver
>>> >>
>>> >>
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>>> >>
>>> >> -----Original Message-----
>>> >> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>> >> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>> >> On Behalf Of Weingartner, Paul
>>> >> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 10:02 AM
>>> >> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>> >> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >>
>>> >> This is an interesting topic that is very helpful because of the
>>> >> candidness of the respondents.  Because of that I would like to ask a
>>> >> question.
>>> >> Sighted people use eye contact to initiate communication.  Obviously,
>>> >> that does not work for initiating communication with a person who is
>>> >> blind.  That is why it is awkward for a waitress in a restaurant or
>>> >> for
>>> >> a stranger in a mall to make first contact in a way to know the
>>> >> speaker
>>> >> is addressing the person who is blind.
>>> >> A number of totally blind friends recommend a light quick touch to
>>> >> let
>>> >> them know they are the person being addressed, so that is what I
>>> >> recommend.  I was wondering what some or you think.
>>> >> Also, many people who are totally blind like to hold and cling during
>>> >> a
>>> >> conversation.  That can get pretty awkward and down right
>>> >> embarrassing a
>>> >> times.
>>> >> I would appreciate your thoughts.
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >> Paul Weingartner
>>> >> Making the Cross Accessible
>>> >> Center for the Blind of the Assemblies of God
>>> >> P 417.831.1964   F 417.862.5120
>>> >> www.blind.ag.org
>>> >> www.blindonline.ag.org
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >> -----Original Message-----
>>> >> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>> >> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>> >> On Behalf Of Steve P. Deeley
>>> >> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 7:47 AM
>>> >> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>> >> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >>
>>> >> It has nothing to do with blindness in my case.  I just hate being
>>> >> touched.
>>> >>
>>> >> Steve
>>> >> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >> From: "dewey bradley" <dewey.bradley at gmail.com>
>>> >> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> >> Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 8:40 PM
>>> >> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >>
>>> >>
>>> >>> Allot of sighted people think that they can't talk to us without
>>> >> putting
>>> >>> there hands on us.
>>> >>> The thing is allot of people like my self really hate to be touched,
>>> >> When
>>> >>> we
>>> >>> ask them to please take there hands off, they get mad.
>>> >>> I guess there is no across the board answer for things like this.
>>> >>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >>> From: "Steve P. Deeley" <stevep.deeley at insightbb.com>
>>> >>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> >>> Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 10:42 AM
>>> >>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >>>
>>> >>>
>>> >>>> This is a very complicated topic.  There are those, like me, who
>>> >> don't
>>> >>>> like being touched during conversations with individuals I really
>>> >> don't
>>> >>>> know very well.  I'm wondering if blind individuals understand
>>> >> spacial
>>> >>>> concepts during conversations.  You don't want to be too close
>>> >>>> during
>>> >> a
>>> >>>> conversation or too far away.  I suspect most of us who understand
>>> >> this
>>> >>>> art have had some coaching from sighted individuals whom they
>>> >>>> trust.
>>> >>>> \
>>> >>>> Steve
>>> >>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >>>> From: "trishs" <slosser at metrocast.net>
>>> >>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> >>>> Sent: Sunday, May 24, 2009 10:46 PM
>>> >>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >>>>
>>> >>>>
>>> >>>>>I was raised giving and receiving warm hand shakes, or in some
>>> >>>>> situations, embraces and or kisses, all of which seem to me to be
>>> >>>>> quite germ spreading!  I like the bowing idea a lot!
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >>>>>>From: Joel Zimba <jzimba at cavtel.net
>>> >>>>>>To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> >>>>>>Date sent: Sat, 23 May 2009 17:08:35 -0400
>>> >>>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>Hi,
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>I love these kinds of topics.  I believe the issue of blind or
>>> >>>>> sighted
>>> >>>>>>is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch
>>> >>>>> someone
>>> >>>>>>or not.  It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what
>>> >>>>> you are
>>> >>>>>>doing and your motivation for it.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.
>>> >>>>> It's not
>>> >>>>>>so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a
>>> >>>>> means of
>>> >>>>>>communication.  In fact, if you are comfortable enough with
>>> >>>>> yurself to
>>> >>>>>>touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into
>>> >>>>> your
>>> >>>>>>paradigm.  This is common wisdom in the sales world.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily
>>> >>>>> donw with
>>> >>>>>>the back of the hand and making solid contact.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative
>>> >>>>> early
>>> >>>>>>and often.  When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out
>>> >>>>> there and
>>> >>>>>>then eventually start snapping my fingers.  This calls attention
>>> >>>>> to the
>>> >>>>>>fact that the other people are not playing the social game.  I
>>> >>>>> was
>>> >>>>>>taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands.  Long
>>> >>>>> ago I
>>> >>>>>>decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad
>>> >>>>> handing as
>>> >>>>>>well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well.  I
>>> >>>>>>sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older
>>> >>>>> someone
>>> >>>>>>is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand.  Proper
>>> >>>>>>conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.
>>> >>>>> Maybe
>>> >>>>>>we all need to go back to finishing school.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that
>>> >>>>> my Asian
>>> >>>>>>friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be
>>> >>>>> very
>>> >>>>>>greatful.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>Joel
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
>>> >>>>>>> Hi Gerardo,
>>> >>>>>>> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.
>>> >>>>> My vision
>>> >>>>>>> deteriorated at a different pace.  I drove a car until I was 27
>>> >>>>> and did not
>>> >>>>>>> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about
>>> >>>>> 40.  Now, at
>>> >>>>>>> 61, I have little more than light perception.  When younger, I
>>> >>>>> was often
>>> >>>>>>> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching
>>> >>>>> out to shake
>>> >>>>>>> my hand and I was not noticing.  Eventually, I learned to avoid
>>> >>>>> this problem
>>> >>>>>>> by taking the initiative.  On occasion I reach out to discover
>>> >>>>> that the
>>> >>>>>>> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.
>>> >>>>> I have had
>>> >>>>>>> no experience with the touching.  There are cultural differences
>>> >>>>> in such
>>> >>>>>>> nonverbal behaviors.  For example, cultures vary in terms of
>>> >>>>> what is
>>> >>>>>>> regarded as personal space.  Groups vary in terms of how close
>>> >>>>> they stand to
>>> >>>>>>> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which
>>> >>>>> is common
>>> >>>>>>> in some cultures and taboo in others.  Perhaps your blindness
>>> >>>>> has led you to
>>> >>>>>>> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have
>>> >>>>> felt bad for
>>> >>>>>>> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person
>>> >>>>> had
>>> >>>>>>> departed.  There are also a group of behaviors known as
>>> >>>>> blindisms.  We all
>>> >>>>>>> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we
>>> >>>>> would not do
>>> >>>>>>> in front of others.  There is a tendency, particularly if one
>>> >>>>> loses their
>>> >>>>>>> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do.  I am often
>>> >>>>> surprised
>>> >>>>>>> by what others can see.  We assume that if we can't see
>>> >>>>> something others can
>>> >>>>>>> not either.  This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by
>>> >>>>> performing these
>>> >>>>>>> grooming rituals in public.  Recently, I have noticed that when
>>> >>>>> I am walking
>>> >>>>>>> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with
>>> >>>>> someone, I
>>> >>>>>>> am moving my lips as if I were speaking.  I am working on
>>> >>>>> suppressing this
>>> >>>>>>> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as
>>> >>>>> strange.  Behavior
>>> >>>>>>> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some
>>> >>>>> peculiar ones.
>>> >>>>>>> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd
>>> >>>>> or
>>> >>>>>>> idiosyncratic.
>>> >>>>>>> Jeff
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> >>>>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>> >>>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>> >>>>>>> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
>>> >>>>>>> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
>>> >>>>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>> >>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> Gerardo,
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a
>>> >>>>> sighted person, I
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.
>>> >>>>> When do you do
>>> >>>>>>> this?  If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be
>>> >>>>> necessary, since
>>> >>>>>>> they're participating in the conversation.  I think we've all
>>> >>>>> experienced a
>>> >>>>>>> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked
>>> >>>>> away.  Now, if
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're
>>> >>>>> still there
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's
>>> >>>>> something
>>> >>>>>>> different.  I have met sighted people who talk with their hands
>>> >>>>> and touch my
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> arm or shoulder, for emphasis.  So, that might not be so
>>> >>>>> unusual.
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> Cindy
>>> >>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> >>>>>>> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx
>>> >>>>>>> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> >>>>>>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
>>> >>>>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> Hi listers:
>>> >>>>>>> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working
>>> >>>>> on my own
>>> >>>>>>> in my private practice.
>>> >>>>>>> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you
>>> >>>>> guys,
>>> >>>>>>> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
>>> >>>>>>> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to
>>> >>>>> RP; since I
>>> >>>>>>> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the
>>> >>>>> arm of the
>>> >>>>>>> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there.  I continued
>>> >>>>> to do this
>>> >>>>>>> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this
>>> >>>>> behavior isn't
>>> >>>>>>> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago.  I'm still shocked
>>> >>>>> by this
>>> >>>>>>> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is
>>> >>>>> still there?
>>> >>>>>>> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as
>>> >>>>> if they're
>>> >>>>>>> there but aren't there.  How have you coped with this situation
>>> >>>>> in that you
>>> >>>>>>> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has
>>> >>>>> happened to
>>> >>>>>>> some of you?
>>> >>>>>>> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand
>>> >>>>> to shake if
>>> >>>>>>> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
>>> >>>>>>> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn
>>> >>>>> about
>>> >>>>>>> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
>>> >>>>>>> Gerardo
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
>>> >>>>>
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>>> >>>>>
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