[Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with disability vs nondisabled society

[don nepple]

hi try the nfb are you a mumber of chapter in your sstate thay can help you a lot thanks for the email good luck.don frum idaho.

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> Date: Wed, 2 Jun 2010 06:12:06 -0500
> From: sunspot005 at gmail.com
> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [Blindtlk] Inferiority complex with disability vs nondisabled society
>
> --
> Peter
> Webmaster
> http://www.darkstruggle.com
> webmaster at darkstruggle.com
> alternative e-mail
> sunspot005 at gmail.com
>
> To Blind Talk:
>
>
> It's me Peter here and I would like to know what other blind people
> out there think of this topic. I suffer from a inferiority complex
> ever since I was a young child before knowing of my dormant vision
> heredetary disease. It's like you know you might be good and you might
> have heard it from others but you feel abandoned by those same people.
> I always look at other people like what they must have had that I
> didn't have as a child living in abdject poverty as a child. Then, I
> point out intellectual minor flaws cause of a broken family,
> uneducated parents, U.S overall poor educational standards and
> differences from area to area, learning environments, and no real
> positive role modles like having family members that have gone to
> college. So, now I'm in college and am getting to a point of
> quitlistening to people cause they can't understand.
> Secondly, I measure myself through a overall scope like I am and
> who I could have been if I were sighted like the rest of overall
> society. When I was a child, I wanted to be a astronomer, computer
> scientists, mathmatitian, psysist and such. Now, I look at all of the
> wasted years like twenty-four years of only having a two year minor
> associates degree and having changed my major three times at a major
> four year university and pressure of picking that special major. I
> want to have upward mobility with security without too much strings
> attached and so much stress to pick. I often think of how to compete
> with other undisabled furuter applicants or my degree becomes out of
> date cause of stalls or something and am loke I screwed up. I wasted
> government money, family money, time, energy and etc that could have
> been spent on something better than little old me.
> Thirdly, I blame myself for things beyond my control. Public
> transportation, screen reader issues, paperwork, independence issues,
> communication barriers in participation, entertainment fun and etc. If
> I could only see to understand what others are doing I could be on the
> same par of them. The same playng field cause I have had vision I miss
> it even more. Does this make sense to anyone else on the list? The
> thing is that I don't like is that nobody usually does at all cause
> they sadly think I'm making excuses to drop out or change my major a
> million times.
> Fourthly, I look at the outcomes too much like the quarter of
> gainfully employed blind people in the U.S. The often times
> incompetent government workers from multiple sectors, inadaquate
> research availible, unaccessible government resources, unwillingness
> for overall society to change for universal accessability and etc is
> appalling and hard for me. I want to change life but I can't even
> adapt to this disappointment. Imagine going from practising driving
> and going legally blind in the span of a few months. Couple that with
> deep family problems and a incompetent government and you get me. Now,
> I am becoming religious in a catholic sort of way cause it's my life.
> Fifthly, I try out new things to constantly disappointment myself.
> The old times is what I say like the majority of us formerly sighted
> people think. The psychologists and others can't understand the
> frustratiosn wheling up inside of me. The sin of anger, and envy and
> blasophemy at times occurs cause I wish that I wasn't who I am right
> now. Overall society is being burdened by my tremendous weight and all
> I can do is lash out in anger. The fear of the unknown like most is
> strong but even stronger with us blind people and especially someone
> of my variety. Adapting a whole new prospective like playing real
> visual games like Mortal Combat or Final Fantasy and none of this beep
> bs you know? These visually impaired games are far too simplistic and
> I hate to complain it's hard to measure up. Nothing is the same as it
> once was anymore.
> Sixthly, the feeling of alienation and osterizing myself in
> overall society cause of the ultimate question for us blind people
> when it comes to terms of help. Are they helping us because we are
> human or our disability? This is a questions you often don't want to
> ask cause you don't want to be rude but I'm putting on the table.
> People often times forget that you can't see and you constantly must
> educate over and over like over again about your vision. In my former
> house, family members would leave chairs, clothes and crap where I
> constantly ran into it even though they knew that I am blind. Another
> thing the books on tape and othr arciac means should been gotten
> transfered years ago and it makes you wonder about advocacy on our
> ends here. The accessability of our currency should have happened
> decades and anything for us takes forever. It makes me depressed
> because the prospects of things in a sitable measurable way to the way
> it was is like a pipe dream or somehting. Where independence, freedom,
> respect and etc as a normal american is too far for me to reach
> anymore. The sense of powerless gets strong man.
> Seventh, the adaptation too religion has been tough as well like
> the customs, traditions, respcts, manners and roles of being a
> christian can be tough. The habits are hard to overcome especially not
> being born into a religion can be tough. You naturally revert at times
> of confusion or of low self-esteem to your natural state. Mine is
> depression, anxiety, hate, envy, and all of that nice stuff.
> Eightly, the amount of time for things like preperation has been
> hard to deal with for these years of blindness like setting up public
> transportation, waiting for a taxi or friends, mobility traning or
> orientation, sighted assistance on appointments (e.g. computers) and
> other things is tough. The amount of shear energy you guys have to
> master like me is astounding and is a blessing/curse of being blind
> cause we have a built up endurance but short in gas you know? Well, I
> just worry all of the time about things I can't change. For example, I
> often times feel like I could have been better off being born in
> another country like in Europe, Canada, Australia or Britain or some
> place like that where disabilities could have more of a progressive
> aim to it. Other times I would like to move there were diversity is a
> mainstay and the thoughts lurk in my mind like you can't do it or it's
> visual.
> Finally, thanks for any ideas on defeating this issue. It's gotten
> bad so much in the past where I performed self-infliction and
> attempted suicide. I've been put on medicine but it's pointless too
> and counsuling is dumb. The anger management therapy and the private
> counsuling without having a person like one in a million it's
> worthless to me. It's like being in a cage when other people poke fun
> at your suffering or something and no similar animals like you around.
> People the ones that become successful ostercize themselves and have a
> superiority arrogance complex cause at one time they had somebody help
> them so why not try to help your fellow man? What happened to Love Thy
> Neighbor? Seriously cause people think of generalizations of us like
> lazy, welfare recipent, handicapped, poor, uneducated and etc. We are
> a nation or people rather that doesn't motivate those that don't llook
> the build of education but that in itself is misleading of the
> american population. Anybody can have an education just need time and
> energy and motivation but I lack in these areas myself right now. I
> especially like multiple backgrounds from young to the old about this
> issue and I know that I am not the only one that is out there. I'm not
> sorry for the length either cause these words have been in me too long
> and if I held them any longer I will burst. Thank be to God and any
> prayers you may have about this issue with any advice as well. By the
> way, sometimes I revert to a class structuralist prospect on
> economics, background, life experiences, and not necessarily a victim
> mentality just understanding more than anything is what I need. A
> person that has walked the streets is prefered.
>
>
> sincerely,
> Peter
>
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