[Blindtlk] Who Bathes You?

[Anjelina]

Hi all,
This discussion has been very interesting. I think we can all agree we've 
had our fair share of oddball questions from sighted people. If we combined 
our stories we could compile an encyclopedia chronicling our experiences. :) 
I'll start off by saying I'm not meaning to sound accusatory or do not 
intending to single anyone out.
I understand that this is mainly a blindness forum, but it's also public. 
How is bashing people productive? Let's talk about what can we do to change 
attitudes? For myself, I've tried to look at myself before expecting change 
from anyone else. Is there something else I can do differently in how I 
present myself?
I've learned an important lesson about jumping to conclusions about what we 
hear or assume someone is saying. Someone could say: "Who did your hair?" 
That could mean, who styled it or cut it, rather than taking the comment 
personally. One statement could be made and it could be interpreted seven 
different ways. There may be a small group of people who for whatever reason 
want to be rude and ask absurd questions, but most people probably truly 
don't realize what they are asking. Do you subscribe to the idea of us being 
ambassadors for the blindness community?
I get irritated at times with silly questions, but I also try to stop and 
think about the person from their prospective. Atl east they have the 
courage to ask the questions and open a dialogue. We have lots of control in 
trying to convey the capabilities of the blind and if what we say isn't 
accepted then all that matters is we tried. Would we rather sighted people 
go around assuming things about us that aren't true?
Just my thoughts.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Michelle Medina
Sent: Friday, March 04, 2011 9:29 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Who Bathes You?

I can definitely see that Raquel! These are the people you expect to
know certain things, especially since they hold medical degrees!
*sigh* Not to mention, it ovbiously shows she hasn't learned anything
from you having been her friend for so long.

Bonnie,
That would get frustrating for me! I commend you for being able to put
up with it!

On 3/4/11, Bonnie Lucas <lucas.bonnie at gmail.com> wrote:
> Well, here is my story! Once at an activity, a woman asked, "Who fixes 
> your
> hair? It always looks so nice." I responded that since I can never get my
> husband to do it that I pretty much had  to do it myself! I actually think
> she thought my teenage daughters did it for me. Granted, the one daughter
> who liked fixing hair would occasionally do it for her own satisfaction.
> Like most of you,  people have told my very young children, less than 
> eight,
> to "take good care of your mother." I did not hesitate to say that it was 
> my
> job to take care of them and not the other way around. Needless to say,
> those are not usually the folks I become close friends with. 
> Unfortunately,
> some folks have even told my close friends that it is nice that they were
> friends with me. One friend said that we were friends because we got along
> and not because she was being nice. She is the kind of friend that 
> everyone
> should have! Going to meet her in HI in a month!
> Bonnie
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Raquel Vega
> Sent: Friday, March 04, 2011 3:21 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Who Bathes You?
>
> I felt let down. I mean I'd guess if I hadn't known her, I'd just guess 
> she
> was misinformed, but I'd known this woman for about 10 years. Logically I
> know that sometimes doesn't mean anything, but still felt let down. She to
> is a doctor, O BG Y N.
> Avon products:
> Raquel Vega
> e-mail
> Diva_bear at pacbell.net
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Michelle Medina" <michellem86 at gmail.com>
> Sent: Friday, March 04, 2011 3:06 PM
> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Who Bathes You?
>
>> Definitely Raquel! I to plan to have a baby, irrespective of what anyone
>> thinks!
>>
>> On 3/4/11, Raquel Vega <diva_bear at pacbell.net> wrote:
>>> Oh no, I get all kind of responses when I tell folks I wanna     have a
>>> baby. It's sad, most are good people, just misinformed I'd guess. I had 
>>> a
>>> friend I knew for years, I thought she really didn't think anything of 
>>> my
>>> blindness. Then I talked about having babies. I told her of a friend I
>>> knew
>>> and she was relived when I said her boyfriend was sighted. She asked
>>> using
>>> this example. What if you're out in the yard, and a wasp comes and 
>>> stings
>>> the baby, I told her that could have easily happened to a sighted 
>>> parent.
>>> She didn't even acknowledge what I'd said.
>>> It's sad and frustrating.
>>> Raquel
>>> Avon products:
>>> Raquel Vega
>>> e-mail
>>> Diva_bear at pacbell.net
>>>
>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>> From: "Ray Foret Jr" <rforetjr at att.net>
>>> Sent: Friday, March 04, 2011 6:48 AM
>>> To: "Jeanette Fortin" <jeanette at fortin-home.com>; "Blind Talk Mailing
>>> List"
>>> <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Who Bathes You?
>>>
>>>> and I thought I had heard it all.  My oh my.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Sincerely,
>>>> The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
>>>>
>>>> Now a very proud and happy Mac user!!!
>>>> Skype name:
>>>> barefootedray
>>>>
>>>> Facebook:
>>>> facebook.com/ray.foretjr.1
>>>>
>>>> On Mar 4, 2011, at 8:38 AM, Jeanette Fortin wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> WELL I have had folks ask me who cooks for my kids and how much help 
>>>>> do
>
>>>>> i
>>>>>
>>>>> have come in to help, none, when we lived on the island we had a maid
>>>>> but
>>>>>
>>>>> it was in support of the local islanders who needed work on the island
>>>>> to
>>>>>
>>>>> support families, i also homeschooled my kids and folks couldn't
>>>>> imagine
>>>>> how a blind person  could teach anything, really?
>>>>> just amazing, jeanette
>>>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Marion Gwizdala"
>>>>> <blind411 at verizon.net>
>>>>> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>>> Sent: Friday, March 04, 2011 5:11 AM
>>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Who Bathes You?
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>> I went to see a dermatologist once who said, You're really clean! Who
>>>>>> bathes you?" I expressed my dismay that a well educated person like a
>>>>>> doctor would ask such an offensively stereotypical question, as I 
>>>>>> took
>>>>>> out my business card and handed it to him.Then I asked him "Who 
>>>>>> bathes
>>>>>> you?" He apologized profusely, sharing that he understands how I feel
>>>>>> because he has a clubbed foot! There's no accounting for convoluted
>>>>>> logic! In the words of Archie Bunker, "That's the kind of straight
>>>>>> thinking we need nowadays!"
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Fraternally yours,
>>>>>> Marion
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Michelle Medina"
>>>>>> <michellem86 at gmail.com>
>>>>>> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>> Sent: Thursday, March 03, 2011 12:05 PM
>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Responses of Medical Professionals.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I'd have been absolutely furious!!!! In fact, I must confess, I may
>>>>>>> have accidentally *purposely* stabbed her hand or arm as my food was
>>>>>>> spinning by.
>>>>>>> Chelle
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On 3/3/11, Hyde, David W. (ESC) <david.hyde at wcbvi.k12.wi.us> wrote:
>>>>>>>> When I was a kid in Oregon, most blind children were treated at the
>>>>>>>> University of Oregon Medical School. Being an RLF (now ROP,
>>>>>>>> nothing's
>>>>>>>> changed but the initials) child, all the interns took a look at me.
>>>>>>>> Looking
>>>>>>>> back, I don't remember any of them introducing themselves, but they
>>>>>>>> sure
>>>>>>>> loved working with the pressure gage and the slit lamp.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> My best medical story, though, comes from eye surgery in the
>>>>>>>> seventies. I
>>>>>>>> was in the hospital after surgery, and was getting my first real
>>>>>>>> meal.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>> know that there was something on my chart that said I was blind,
>>>>>>>> since,
>>>>>>>> after all, the bandages over the eyes wouldn't give any clue. The
>>>>>>>> service
>>>>>>>> staff came in, and put the food tray on the table over the bed, and
>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>> thanked her, assuming our interaction was done. She looked at me,
>>>>>>>> looked at
>>>>>>>> my wife who was in the room, and turned the tray 180 degrees. I
>>>>>>>> thanked her
>>>>>>>> again. She looked back at me, back at my wife and turned it again.
>>>>>>>> After the
>>>>>>>> third iteration, I confess I lost my patience and asked if I was
>>>>>>>> just
>>>>>>>> supposed to use a fork to stab something as it went by.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> It's funny now, but frustrating then.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> On
>>>>>>>> Behalf Of Mary Mc Gee
>>>>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, March 02, 2011 3:11 PM
>>>>>>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
>>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Responses of Medical Professionals.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Dear Fellow Federationists;
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>            I've read with interest all the posts about experiences
>>>>>>>> at
>>>>>>>> health care providers' offices.  I have some experiences I can 
>>>>>>>> throw
>>>>>>>> into
>>>>>>>> the mix.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>            First, I'll say that, because the cause of my blindness
>>>>>>>> is
>>>>>>>> albinism, I had a unique appearance that was impossible to hide 
>>>>>>>> when
>
>>>>>>>> I
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>> younger.  I was a student at the Iowa Braille and Sight Saving
>>>>>>>> School
>>>>>>>> for
>>>>>>>> ten years and, during that time, I went to the University of Iowa
>>>>>>>> for
>>>>>>>> free
>>>>>>>> eye care-at least "they" called it eye care.  It was more on the
>>>>>>>> order
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> of
>>>>>>>> eye study because every med student, intern, and ophthalmology
>>>>>>>> resident had
>>>>>>>> to come examines the "albinotic eye" before I received any low
>>>>>>>> vision
>>>>>>>> glasses, etc. that would actually improve what little vision I 
>>>>>>>> have.
>>>>>>>> I felt
>>>>>>>> like a zoo or circus animal on display because I was a condition
>>>>>>>> rather than
>>>>>>>> a person.  It hurt a lot and I'm not simply talking about all the
>>>>>>>> lights
>>>>>>>> shining in my eyes, but also the emotional pain it caused.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>            As an adult I've had some doctors who have been very 
>>>>>>>> nice
>>>>>>>> and
>>>>>>>> some who haven't.  The number of nice ones directly correlates with
>>>>>>>> my
>>>>>>>> various degrees-all doctors and staffs are nice now that I put
>>>>>>>> "Attorney" on
>>>>>>>> their intake forms.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>            But, when I first came to Des Moines in 1976, visited a
>>>>>>>> neurologist because of migraine headaches.  He spent more time
>>>>>>>> looking
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> at my
>>>>>>>> eyes than he did taking a history of the headaches.  I went to one
>>>>>>>> doctor
>>>>>>>> whose office staff handed the intake form to my driver too complete
>>>>>>>> until I
>>>>>>>> complained.  One time, when I went to an orthopedic surgeon's 
>>>>>>>> office
>>>>>>>> for an
>>>>>>>> expert consult to prepare for trial, I was greatly surprised that
>>>>>>>> she
>>>>>>>> spent
>>>>>>>> fifteen minutes asking about my vision instead of my client's
>>>>>>>> treatment. I
>>>>>>>> simply told her that, if she billed for those extra minutes, she
>>>>>>>> wouldn't be
>>>>>>>> paid, because I would deduct that amount of time from my bill back
>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>> client.  She didn't argue and even apologized.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>            I'm fortunate that I currently have a sensitive, caring
>>>>>>>> group of
>>>>>>>> physicians.  I'll have to admit, though, that the trauma of the 
>>>>>>>> past
>>>>>>>> plus my
>>>>>>>> attorney's skepticism is quite hard to eliminate when I meet a new
>>>>>>>> one.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>            The Iowa Department for the Blind has been doing a PR
>>>>>>>> project
>>>>>>>> with health care providers to educate them with the hope that fewer
>>>>>>>> people
>>>>>>>> will have unpleasant experiences when they need help.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>            I'd be interested in hearing if any of you, like me, 
>>>>>>>> were
>>>>>>>> treated as a medical oddity at any time.
>>>>>>>> Sincerely,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Mary L. McGee
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> NOTICE:  This E-mail (including attachments) is covered by the
>>>>>>>> Electronic
>>>>>>>> Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. Sections 2510-2521, is
>>>>>>>> confidential
>>>>>>>> and may be legally privileged.  If you are not the intended
>>>>>>>> recipient,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> you
>>>>>>>> are hereby notified that any tetention, dissemination, 
>>>>>>>> distribution,
>>>>>>>> or
>>>>>>>> copying of this communication is strictly prohibited.  Please reply
>>>>>>>> to
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>>> sender that you have received the message in error, then delete.
>>>>>>>> Thank you.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>>>>
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>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> --
>>>>>>> "FUCK YOU FOR KILLING ME!!!!" SHAUN MORGAN - "NEEDLES"
>>>>>>> "THESE STAND FOR ME, NAME YOUR GOD AND BLEED THE FREAK!
>>>>>>> I'D LIKE TO SEE, HOW YOU ALL WOULD BLEED FOR ME!" -LAYNE STALEY -
>>>>>>> "BLEED THE FREAK"
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>> blindtlk mailing list
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> .net
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>> blindtlk mailing list
>>>>>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
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>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> blindtlk mailing list
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>>>>
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>>>
>>>
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>>
>>
>> --
>> "FUCK YOU FOR KILLING ME!!!!" SHAUN MORGAN - "NEEDLES"
>> "THESE STAND FOR ME, NAME YOUR GOD AND BLEED THE FREAK!
>> I'D LIKE TO SEE, HOW YOU ALL WOULD BLEED FOR ME!" -LAYNE STALEY -
>> "BLEED THE FREAK"
>>
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-- 
"FUCK YOU FOR KILLING ME!!!!" SHAUN MORGAN - "NEEDLES"
"THESE STAND FOR ME, NAME YOUR GOD AND BLEED THE FREAK!
I'D LIKE TO SEE, HOW YOU ALL WOULD BLEED FOR ME!" -LAYNE STALEY -
"BLEED THE FREAK"

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Anjelina