[Blindtlk] Refusal To Use A Cane

[Julie J.]

I think it's important to set boundaries.  I also think it's crucially 
important to separate out your problems from this gentleman's problems.  
Whether or not he chooses to use a cane is his problem.  Whether or not 
you assist him into and out of places is your choice.

My advice would be to be very clear about what you and other chapter 
members are willing to do, but not to infringe on his right to make his 
own decisions.  I know the decision not to use a cane makes no sense at 
all to us.  the thing is that people make dumb decisions every day.  
We've all done it, but that's how we learn.  Let this gentleman have the 
opportunity to learn for himself. He's an adult and has the right to 
learn the hard way if he chooses.

He needs to learn how to solve his own problems.  We may think the best 
thing for him is to use a cane, but maybe that's not his choice.  
Perhaps hiring a human guide is what he feels is best or some sort of 
electronic gadget.  I know I would be very upset if someone told me I 
should use a cane over my guide dog or a human guide when I choose that 
option.  How we travel is a very personal decision based on a variety of 
factors, ability, preference, financial resources and the particular 
situation.  There is no way to know what all these factors are for this 
gentleman and I would assert that it is arrogant to think that anyone 
but the gentleman himself knows what's best for him.

I honestly think forcing him into using a cane through some legal means 
would make this situation much worse.  People don't like to be told what 
to do, especially not adults.  I think he will go to extremes to prove 
that he doesn't need a cane.  I think the better approach is to be 
gentle with him, not mentioning the cane at all.  Call it tough love if 
you like.   I think he will have to come to a place in his life where he 
wants to accomplish something so much that he is willing to do whatever 
is necessary.  The pain of not accomplishing the task will have to be 
greater than the discomfort of breaking down and using the cane.

JMO
Julie