[Blindtlk] Refusal To Use A Cane

[Diane Graves]

Hi Julie,

Very well said. We are all in different places and have to make choices.
I absolutely use a cane every single day of my life,, the only exception
being those rare days when I don't leave the house at all. In fact, even if
I am walking with a sighted guide--which is sometimes more convenient when
trying to travel through a mall and hold a conversation, or walk to a table
at a restaurant--I have my cane extended and am using it.

However, I can guarantee you that there are a good number of blind people
who have better mobility skills than I. For example, I cannot use echo
location effectively at all, because I also have a hearing deficit. 

There are a good number of blind people who think nothing of going to the
largest airports in the country and, with minimal verbal direction,, find
their respective  gates themselves. They would be offended by any further
assistance. I am not one of those people, and I would prefer to have an
escort. Perhaps this is because I don't fly as much as some, I don't know.
Now... when they try to push me into a wheelchair,, as they have been known
to try, then they are going to have a major battle on their hands. I can
walk just fine thank you very much, and I won't be riding. But I do feel
more comfortable with the assistance, even if they just walk along beside me
as I use my cane.
  
So does this make me a bad person, or less of a person?? I hope not.

Diane Graves


-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Julie J.
Sent: Sunday, December 16, 2012 3:11 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Refusal To Use A Cane

Peter,

what is the real issue behind this need to have this woman use a cane?  
I strongly suspect there is some deeper issue going on here.

Perhaps she is embarrassing the rest of the chapter?  I will freely admit
that I struggle a lot with feelings of embarrassment when I am around blind
people with very poor skills.  I don't like being grouped in with them or
compared to them.  It's very much an issue of my own prejudices.  I'm
working hard to accept people where they are, not where I want them to be.
It's a work in progress.

Perhaps some people are feeling that she is lazy and should get with the
program.  Learning blindness skills is hard work that takes time.  
Perhaps some people are feeling that they had to work hard to be where they
are and this woman is a freeloader.  She's getting the benefits of their
hard work both in regard to assistance in and out of the building 
as well as in the general advances the NFB has made for blind people.   
She's reaping the rewards without lifting a finger.

Perhaps it is an affront to the other blind folks sense of what it means to
be blind.  quite often the long white cane is the symbol of blindness.
Within the NFB the long white cane is also often the symbol for personal
independence.  By this woman's refusal to carry or use a cane, she is not
acknowledging independence for blind people as a whole.

Perhaps there are some folks that have issues with controlling others.  
You cannot control others actions.  All you can do is run your own 
life.  Loads of folks choose to do stupid things on a daily basis.   
Look at all the people who smoke cigarettes, drink to excess, refuse to
exercise, eat McDonalds and the list goes on and on.  Are those things
smart, no, but I bet most of us on this list have done most of those things
at one time or another.  I bet we have also done some stupid thing or
another in regard to our blindness.  Those things don't make us horrible,
terrible people in need of consequences.  those mistakes make us human.  Let
this woman make her own choices.  The consequences will occur naturally.
she doesn't need her nose rubbed in her mistakes.

I can understand how hard it is to watch someone make what I consider to be
mistakes.  It's really hard to sit on your hands and let them learn in their
own time.  I don't mean that we shouldn't offer help or resources or
whatever, but when the person is knowledgeable about the issue and makes
their choices regardless, we have to respect their decision and back off.
Yes, she will probably fall, however that isn't your fault and it sure isn't
your responsibility.  this woman is an adult.

Now if you don't want her in your home because you think she is going to
break your stuff or cause a disturbance or whatever, then don't invite her
over.  It's your home, your stuff and your decision.

I teach a parenting class.  In it one of the main principles is to stop
telling your kids what they are going to do and start telling them what you
are going to do.  So no more you have to eat all your food.  How are you
going to enforce that?  You can't actually make the kid eat the peas and
carrots.  Instead try the statement I give dessert to kids who eat their
vegetables.  It's a subtle change, but it has huge effects.  
You're allowing the other person to make their own choices.  You are
empowering them to be their own person.  There is also no power struggle, no
drill sergeant in charge.  Each person is responsible for their own actions.
Likewise each person is responsible for the consequences of those actions.

Julie



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