[Blindtlk] blind people being loners

Sat Jan 26 04:17:27 UTC 2013

Hi all, I have been blind my whole life because I was born premiture. I have 
Retinopathy of Premiturity(ROP). I am an alumnists of the Oregon School for 
the Blind(OSB). When I attended there before I left for highschool before 
attending their transitional program, I spent my summers at home in 
Gladstone, Oregon where I lived at the time but attended school in Salem, 
Oregon which is about an our's drive away. All of my fellow students who 
happened to be my friends lived around Oregon and they were too far away for 
me to see them during the summers. My systers on the other hand had their 
friends living right acrosst the court yard from them. In fact, my lucky 
sisters got to play with their friends almost every day that we did not 
spend camping at the coast or in the mountains with my late Grandpa. Of 
course, I was jellus of my sisters hanging with their friends on a daily 
basist. I was either the tag-a-long or the left-behind in less I was lucky 
enough to go play in the neighborhood swimming pool which I did at every 
oppertunity that I could. I use this story is in this E Mail to show you 
guys that I know about lonelyness. I have not been lonely because I was 
blind. I was lonely because I was too far from my friends. Because I was 
blind and still is blind and was at the time, too young to drive a car, I 
couldn't drive to see them. I also did not know the bus routes in Gladstone, 
Oregon so even if my friends were on a bus line, I still couldn't get to see 
them outside of school. My best friend was not on a bus line so I was lucky 
if I ever saw her outside of school. Blindness did not make me lonely. 
Transportation and geography made me lonely. As for being alone, I have no 
problem with that. Unlike my OSB summers, I now live in the same apartment 
building as two of my friends who have also graduated OSB and also live in 
Salem, Oregon with me. I know more people who live in Salem as well. I have 
other friends who either live on a bus line or within driving distance from 
me. I even have a boy friend who lives within walking distance from me. I am 
never lonely! I live alone but am not lonely. There is a difference between 
living alone and being lonely. Being lonely is depressing because someone 
that you want to see is not near you even if you are in a room full of 
people. Living alone on the other hand is living by yourself but being happy 
about it dispite not being in a room full of people. Many sited people tend 
to be lonely because of either not choosing to hang out with their friends 
or having no way to get to their friends in the first place. Transportation 
is not only a blindness thing. If a sited person living in Salem, Oregon 
knew someone living in Baltimore, Maryland, even they would have to go far 
out of their way to see their friend but that's only if they can afford the 
trip or have the time to make the trip in the first place.
Kendra
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Chris Nusbaum" <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com>
To: <gwunder at earthlink.net>; "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" 
<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: <dots4school at gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2013 6:40 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners


> Gary, Steve, RJ and all,
>
> I agree with what has been said, especially the comments made by
> Steve and Gary. Although blindness can sometimes be a factor in making
> someone lonely, it is not the only factor. If you ask around in our
> Federation or read any of the Kernel Books, you will find countless 
> stories
> of blind people who have found themselves depressed, lonely, isolated, and
> even suicidal as they are first learning to cope with their new-found
> blindness. Since I was born totally blind, I have never really had this
> experience. However, I believe these initial feelings are completely valid
> and I'm sure that I might have shared these feelings had I lost my sight
> later in life.
>
> I think this loneliness or depression, or, as RJ put it, being a
> "loner," does not have to do with the blindness itself, but rather with 
> how
> the effected person perceives his/her blindness and the life he/she will
> live after the reality of blindness sets in. Most of you, and indeed most 
> of
> the members of the NFB, can probably attest to this. Are you depressed? Do
> you feel lonely or isolated? Do you feel devastated by your own blindness 
> or
> helpless without sight? I have been a member and contributor to this list
> for almost two years now, and I believe that I am not too far off the mark
> when I say that most of you would answer "no" to these questions. Yet, you
> have been blind for a substantial part of your lives and you remain blind
> now. Some of you, like myself, have been blind all your lives; others lost
> your sight during childhood; and still others lost yours as an adult. If
> blindness makes you depressed, you all are very good at hiding it.
>
> I think by now you see my point. In my opinion, if blindness is a
> factor in making a person a "loner" at all, it is not because of the loss 
> of
> sight, but because of how a newly blind person sees himself or herself 
> after
> blindness. This has to do, I believe, with society's misconceptions about
> blindness and the public's fear of it. It's not the newly blind person's
> fault; he/she doesn't know any better. As Dr. Jernigan has so often and so
> eloquently said, "The real problem of blindness is not the loss of 
> eyesight,
> but the misunderstanding and lack of information which exist." So, this is
> where we in the NFB come in. These newly blind people need support, and we
> can give it to them. They need hope, and we can give that to them. They 
> need
> reassurance, and we can definitely give that to them. I believe that this 
> is
> some of the most important work we do in the Federation.
>
> RJ, I hope this answers your question and that my response makes
> sense and doesn't offend anyone. The good news is that we, the blind 
> members
> of the NFB, can help these "loners" realize that their blindness does not
> have to confine them to their current loneliness.
>
> Chris
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gary 
> Wunder
> Sent: Friday, January 25, 2013 6:01 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>
> Hello, Steve.  As usual you have written a wonderful response which 
> reflects
> a great deal of thoughtfulness and life experience.  I don't find myself
> disagreeing with anything you say.  As much is anything I think I would 
> like
> to see RJ say what he believes and the problems he may be having rather 
> than
> assuming that blindness is the reason for being lonely or alone or 
> whatever
> he meant.
>
> I think that very often blindness in and of itself doesn't cause a problem
> but that often it can exacerbate problems that are all too common.  I 
> think
> it is more difficult to live as an impoverished blind person than it is an
> impoverished sighted person.  I think it is harder to find good counseling
> if one is depressed and blind than if she is simply depressed.
> Transportation certainly does isolate us, and I think that where one 
> chooses
> to live must be significantly influenced by blindness if one is not to 
> find
> him or herself at the mercy of family and friends.
>
> I grew up in a town that had 216 people living in it when I was there.  It
> still has less than 1000.  When I go home to visit, it doesn't take long 
> for
> me to realize how few options I have in going where I want to go and in
> going when I say I want to go.  I need a town with some transportation
> infrastructure.  I need enough money to be able to use that 
> transportation.
>
>
> I can't tell you how many people call here who struggle with not being 
> able
> to get an education or find a job, but they will not consider moving 
> because
> most of the people they know live in their little town, or they already 
> have
> equity in their house, or they would find learning a new area too much of 
> a
> challenge.  It is hard to know how to help them.
>
> People who have significant medical needs are best served when they lived
> near a major hospital. This is a physical reality that won't change just
> because someone says it isn't fair that where one lives can determine the
> timeliness and effectiveness of the care they can reasonably access. I 
> think
> the same may be true of being blind. One can live wherever he or she 
> wants,
> but there are consequences in deciding to live or stay in a small town. I
> experience some sadness when I go home and realize the visit is over and I
> live three hours from my family, but I also know that I couldn't live
> independently in that small farming community where every trip to get
> groceries, go to the hardware store, or visit the bank is determined by 
> the
> schedule of another.
>
>
> Gary
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Steve
> Jacobson
> Sent: Friday, January 25, 2013 11:00 AM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>
> My guess is that he probably had something in mind when he asked this
> question.  While I don't think all blind persons are loners, I definitely
> think that there are definite barriers to become a part of a group of
> sighted persons.  In my case, some of the barriers may well be of my own
> making, I won't claim otherwise, but not all of them.  I also think that
> blind kids are often forced to find their own way of entertaining 
> themselves
> unless they are particularly lucky.  There are many variables involved in
> looking at what makes each of us what we are, and there are many dangers 
> in
> drawing conclusions based upon one characteristic, but I think it is wrong
> to deny that blindness can sometimes isolate one even if one is not
> naturally a loner.  Transportation can by itself be a key factor in being
> isolated.  While I don't think it makes sense that being isolated is
> something that should be denied or swept under the rug, I also don't feel
> one should just sit around being isolated and feeling sorry for oneself.
> There are things that one can do about it.  Also, realizing that it simply
> happens sometimes and not getting all bent out of shape about it helps.
> Finally, I believe strongly that being comfortable with other blind people
> is not a bad thing.  I am not saying that one needs to stick to 
> socializing
> with blind people and forget about those who are sighted, but neither 
> should
> one feel that getting support from others who share one's characteristic 
> is
> a bad thing.
>
> Best regards,
>
> Steve Jacobson
>
> On Fri, 25 Jan 2013 01:03:15 -0600, Chasity Jackson wrote:
>
>>I do not agree with this either.
>>----- Original Message -----
>>From: "Gary Wunder" <gwunder at earthlink.net>
>>To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>Sent: Thursday, January 24, 2013 4:00 PM
>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>
>
>>> Hi, RJ. I do not. Do you?
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of RJ
>>> Sandefur
>>> Sent: Thursday, January 24, 2013 3:48 PM
>>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>>>
>>> Why do you think a lot of blind people are loners? In other words
>>> isolated?
>>> RJ _______________________________________________
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