[Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness

Sat Sep 7 23:38:51 UTC 2013

Very well said. Thanks.

On 9/7/2013 5:05 PM, Arielle Silverman wrote:
> Hi Jason and all,
>
> I am a 28-year-old blind woman and can totally remember the kinds of
> experiences you are describing. I never had any kind of romantic
> relationship until I was 21 and my first few were with blind guys. I
> too often felt that sighted men only thought of me as a little sister
> and failed to see me as a potential partner. However, I did eventually
> fall in love with someone and just married him last weekend (his name
> is Jason actually). Having now been on both sides of the struggle I
> have a few practical suggestions and insights I hope you find helpful.
>
> First, I don't know you personally but I am almost certain that there
> is nothing wrong with you. I think it is very hard for many people to
> find partners they like and who simultaneously feel the same way about
> them. After all, there are a ton of online dating sites and so
> obviously lots of people are looking and not finding dates in their
> local communities. I think this is a problem  for sighted people too.
> However, I do think it can be more difficult for blind people because
> of all the prejudices and stereotypes that exist in our society about
> blindness. Also, I have been told that the process of hooking up,
> between sighted people, can often rely on visual cues especially for
> folks in their early 20's. Also, people often tend to find dates at
> bars and other places that may just not appeal to you. I think it can
> be especially difficult for mature, intelligent youth to get into the
> dating pool regardless of blindness.
>
> My first piece of advice is to try to become friends with women you
> meet in classes, work, church, or other places where you have
> something in common. If you become her friend first, she will get to
> know you as a whole person and might eventually become interested in
> you. My husband, who is sighted, was initially my office-mate in grad
> school and we were just casual friends for a while before dating. He
> eventually spent enough time with me outside of dating that he was
> able to see how I do things and that my blindness wasn't a big deal.
> Second, it might be nice to try to meet some blind women. I am glad
> that I started dating with blind men because I was able to learn a lot
> about dating and relationships without all the extra tension that
> comes with trying to give the right visual cues and wondering what the
> sighted partner is thinking. Although the relationships I had with
> blind guys ultimately didn't last for reasons unrelated to blindness,
> I was glad to have had those experiences because they taught me a lot
> about what kind of girlfriend I was and how I could be a better one,
> as well as about the kind of partner I was looking for. I'm not saying
> only consider blind women, but you might find you have more initial
> success finding blind women who return your affections. This can be a
> huge confidence builder if nothing else.
>
> Finally, though I don't have much experience with online dating, you
> might find it easier to manage than trying to meet someone in person.
> With online dating you can choose not to disclose  your blindness at
> all until you have gotten to know someone. And in online dating
> circles, you know that everyone you are chatting with is looking for
> the same thing.
>
> Best,
> Arielle
>
> On 9/7/13, Gloria Whipple <glowhi at centurylink.net> wrote:
>> Hi Ray,
>>
>> Well said!
>>
>> I also agree with Mike.
>>
>> Thank you,
>>
>> Gloria Whipple
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Ray Foret
>> jr
>> Sent: Saturday, September 07, 2013 14:25
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness
>>
>> I'm with Mike all the way on this one.  Frankly, I think that part of the
>> problem may well be that you haven't fully accepted yourself as a blind
>> person.  Where do I get off saying that?  Well, Just make an honest and
>> careful examination of your own message.  Count up the times you think that
>> your blindness is the problem and then count up the times you speak of
>> giving up.  I'm not going to tell you what you will find;  just do it and,
>> prepair to be somewhat shocked and perhaps dismaid at the result.  But, now
>> comes the more interesting aspect of this question.  What are you going to
>> do with the raw data you get out of this examination?  Are you going to let
>> it control you:  or, are you going to take control of it?
>>
>>
>> Sent from my mac, the only computer with full accessibility for the blind
>> built-in!
>> Sincerely,
>> The Constantly Barefooted Ray
>> Still a very proud and happy Mac and Iphone user!
>>
>> On Sep 7, 2013, at 3:43 PM, "Mike Freeman" <k7uij at panix.com> wrote:
>>
>>> You're giving up too soon.
>>>
>>> Mike
>>>
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jason
>>> Terryn
>>> Sent: Saturday, September 07, 2013 1:22 PM
>>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness
>>>
>>> Hello everyone,
>>>
>>> I am desperately in need of some advice. I am a totally blind Christian
>> man
>>> in my early twenties and I am single. It's been my experience that it's
>>> extremely difficult for me to get dates. The few girls who do go out with
>>> me never turn out to be serious about me. After several years of being
>>> summarily rejected time without number and spending countless exhausting
>>> hours overthinking my approach, I'm beginning to wonder if it is actually
>>> something I'm doing (should I change my approach) or if its just a fact
>>> of
>>> being blind and I need to accept it gracefully.
>>>
>>> Has anyone else had this experience. I'm honestly unsure if I'm being
>>> rejected because I am blind, or because there is something undesirable
>>> about me. Could it be that blindness isa dealbreaker for most girls?
>>>
>>> I feel like, despite my blindness I have a lot to offer. I am steady,
>>> reliable, I have a job, I am tall and physically fit, I have a lot of
>>> different skills and interests. On the whole, I feel that I'm a fairly
>>> well-rounded individual and reasonably well-intergrated in society. Also
>>> it's not like I'm trying to get the most beautiful or desirable girls out
>>> there. I just want ONE nice, pleasant girl who will like and accept me
>> that
>>> I can spend time with, and ultimately someone to marry. I don't feel like
>>> thats asking too much.
>>>
>>> so if it is my blindness that is scaring girls off is there anything at
>> all
>>> that I could do to offset this reaction? Could it be that I'm not
>>> presenting myself as confident enough or that they have some false
>>> stereotypes in their mind that I need to overcome? Am I just giving up
>>> too
>>> soon or is this really an almost hopeless situation?
>>>
>>> This has all been extremely frustrating to me. Any advice would be
>>> greatly
>>> appreciated.
>>>
>>> Thanks!
>>>
>>> Jason
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> blindtlk mailing list
>>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> blindtlk:
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/k7uij%40panix.com
>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> blindtlk mailing list
>>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> blindtlk:
>>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/rforetjr%40att.net
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> blindtlk mailing list
>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> blindtlk:
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/glowhi%40centurylink.n
>> et
>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> blindtlk mailing list
>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> blindtlk:
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/arielle71%40gmail.com
>>
> _______________________________________________
> blindtlk mailing list
> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for blindtlk:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/sirius_black%40comcast.net
>

-- 
Visit my shop for a sampling of handmade jewelry, bath products, and more. Go to www.etsy.com/shop/scentsgemsnmore

View photos of my work or send me a friend request. Visit scentsgemsnmore.facebook.com

If you're a crafter looking to advertise your wares, or you wish to buy handcrafted products, send a blank email to HandmadeSellNTrade-subscribe at yahoogroups.com