[Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness

[Bob Hachey]

Hi Jason,
I'm not sure if I agree with Ray and Mike here. I took Ray's council and
counted three times that you mentioned the idea that it may be your
blindness that's making dating a challenge for you. Based upon the fact that
you've got a decent job, are physically fit and have varied interests, I'd
say that you've accepted your blindness pretty well and, other than in this
one area, you have succeeded in American society.
I would contend that blindness does make it more of a challenge to find
women with whom you might have a serious relationship. Back when I was in
high school and in my freshman year of college, I had a terrible batting
average in that arena. While many girls and women liked me as a friend or as
a partner in school projects, the vast majority did not see me as a viable
dating companion. My few successes were with blind women or women I'd met
who had worked closely with persons with disabilities. I asked three
classmates to my senior prom in high school and they all rejected me. I then
asked a good friend who I'd met at a camp for persons with disabilities. She
was a counselor there. She said yes and when we walked through the door of
the ballroom, all of the other girls stared at her as though they were
amazed that I had a date for the prom. Needless to say, that was pretty good
for my ego but I felt bad for Donna because every time we got up to dance it
seemed like she was the center of attention. By the way, Donna and I are
still together and my prom was back in 1980. I feel most fortunate to have
been and to be in such a wonderful relationship for 33 years and that's not
taking blindness into account. Like it or not, blindness does present
challenges that the so-called able-bodied do not face whether it's in the
area of employment, dating or in many other aspects of life. In terms of
dating, many of the so-called able-bodied want nothing to do with dating a
PWD. Sometimes when one of them takes an interest he or she is talked out of
that interest by friends or family members. When Donna and I were first
going together, her parents tried to part us as they didn't want their
daughter in a serious relationship with a blind person. Her dad came right
out and said to me that he doubted that I had what it took to take care of
his precious daughter. I have a good friend who was twice engaged to sighted
women and in both instances, their parents talked them into breaking off the
engagement.
I do agree with Mike and Ray in one sense. You certainly shouldn't give up.
When dating, have you ever chosen women who are also blind or have you only
pursued sighted women? If you have pursued only sighted women, then I would
suggest broadening your horizons and dating some blind women as well.
Try going for women who work in the helping professions, teachers, nurses,
social workers, physical therapists, etc. 

You say you are involved in a lot of activities. That being the case, that
gives you the opportunity to date women who share some of those interests.
IF that's not working, try some new activities. Also, have you tried online
dating services? I know of 3 married couples who met on EHarmony.

Finally, I encourage you to keep your chin up and keep on swinging for the
fences. Keep in mind that you don't lose the war if you keep on fighting
through. 
Best wishes.
Bob Hachey