[Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness

[Arielle Silverman]

My now-husband was told by his former landlord that he "was a nice
person but could do better" than dating me. His mom has been a little
reticent about me, but it's very unclear whether or not that has to do
with blindness. I agree that some people get it, others never get it,
and a few people don't get it at first but are educable. If someone
sighted is willing to go on a date with a blind person they are
already most of the way there. If they're not, then it's really their
loss not ours.
I don't totally agree with the suggestion about dating sighted people
who work in the helping professions. They may be more tolerant and
accepting of people who are different, but they may also be in those
professions because they have a strong desire to take care of others
whom they perceive as needy or less fortunate. You don't want to end
up dating someone who thrives on being a mother figure. That person is
likely to be disappointed when they discover your self-sufficiency,
and you are likely to feel stifled. Of course there are plenty of
great people who are in the helping professions yet still respect
other people's autonomy and dignity, but I don't think all of them
will automatically be that way. Better to look for partners who share
a common interest whether it be work-related, religious or political
convictions, hobbies etc.

Arielle

On 9/7/13, Bob Hachey <bhachey at verizon.net> wrote:
> Hi Jason,
> I'm not sure if I agree with Ray and Mike here. I took Ray's council and
> counted three times that you mentioned the idea that it may be your
> blindness that's making dating a challenge for you. Based upon the fact
> that
> you've got a decent job, are physically fit and have varied interests, I'd
> say that you've accepted your blindness pretty well and, other than in this
> one area, you have succeeded in American society.
> I would contend that blindness does make it more of a challenge to find
> women with whom you might have a serious relationship. Back when I was in
> high school and in my freshman year of college, I had a terrible batting
> average in that arena. While many girls and women liked me as a friend or
> as
> a partner in school projects, the vast majority did not see me as a viable
> dating companion. My few successes were with blind women or women I'd met
> who had worked closely with persons with disabilities. I asked three
> classmates to my senior prom in high school and they all rejected me. I
> then
> asked a good friend who I'd met at a camp for persons with disabilities.
> She
> was a counselor there. She said yes and when we walked through the door of
> the ballroom, all of the other girls stared at her as though they were
> amazed that I had a date for the prom. Needless to say, that was pretty
> good
> for my ego but I felt bad for Donna because every time we got up to dance
> it
> seemed like she was the center of attention. By the way, Donna and I are
> still together and my prom was back in 1980. I feel most fortunate to have
> been and to be in such a wonderful relationship for 33 years and that's not
> taking blindness into account. Like it or not, blindness does present
> challenges that the so-called able-bodied do not face whether it's in the
> area of employment, dating or in many other aspects of life. In terms of
> dating, many of the so-called able-bodied want nothing to do with dating a
> PWD. Sometimes when one of them takes an interest he or she is talked out
> of
> that interest by friends or family members. When Donna and I were first
> going together, her parents tried to part us as they didn't want their
> daughter in a serious relationship with a blind person. Her dad came right
> out and said to me that he doubted that I had what it took to take care of
> his precious daughter. I have a good friend who was twice engaged to
> sighted
> women and in both instances, their parents talked them into breaking off
> the
> engagement.
> I do agree with Mike and Ray in one sense. You certainly shouldn't give up.
> When dating, have you ever chosen women who are also blind or have you only
> pursued sighted women? If you have pursued only sighted women, then I would
> suggest broadening your horizons and dating some blind women as well.
> Try going for women who work in the helping professions, teachers, nurses,
> social workers, physical therapists, etc.
>
> You say you are involved in a lot of activities. That being the case, that
> gives you the opportunity to date women who share some of those interests.
> IF that's not working, try some new activities. Also, have you tried online
> dating services? I know of 3 married couples who met on EHarmony.
>
> Finally, I encourage you to keep your chin up and keep on swinging for the
> fences. Keep in mind that you don't lose the war if you keep on fighting
> through.
> Best wishes.
> Bob Hachey
>
>
>
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