[Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness

[Jason Terryn]

Hello,

Thanks so much for the input, everyone. A couple things…

Mike, it might be true that I’m not entirely comfortable with myself as a
blind person yet. It’s true I haven’t been blind all my life, though surely
long enough to be comfortable and confident in my own skin, I’d hoped.
However, the reason I mention it so many times in my email was because my
questions specifically pertained to that. I’ve definitely looked into other
aspects of my life and personality that might be off-putting to women at
other times.

>From my own experiences I’d tend to agree with those who said that sighted
people who accept us are few and far between. The overwhelming majority of
people I meet feel awkward around a blind person. It’s probably only that
they’ve never or rarely interacted with blind people or the ones they have
haven’t been stellar examples. I just wish more of them would allow
themselves the opportunity to be reeducated.

I think a lot of girls have such an instinct to be “politically correct”
that they feel like they can’t cite blindness as a reason for rejection. So
a lot of times I never even have the opportunity to address their concerns
about it. I try my best to present myself as confident, self-sufficient,
and as a provider rather than someone to be cared for, but all these things
take time to establish which no one seems interested in giving me.

Arielle and Bob, thanks a lot for the detailed advice. And congratulations,
Arielle! It’s encouraging to hear of other people who have come up against
the same hurdles, persevered, and are now happily in a relationship.

It’s true that I’ve only pursued and dated sighted women. I haven’t tried
the online route and so I’ve been limited to my own community of which I’m
the only blind person. I think you’re right that dating blind women could
provide good practice and help me build confidence. To be honest, I’ve felt
a little trepidation in trying to meet women online but it might be helpful
to give it a try. Also, if I did try that, do you think its  fair ot to
disclose the fact that I’m blind? It’s true that keeping back that
information might give me a chance to  display my other qualities without
being automatically ruled out, but I’m also afraid that it would make it
only that much more hurtful if I still ultimately ended up rejected. I may
give eharmony or a Christian dating site a chance, though.

Thanks again for all the useful advice!

Jason


On Sat, Sep 7, 2013 at 4:43 PM, Mike Freeman <k7uij at panix.com> wrote:

> You're giving up too soon.
>
> Mike
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jason
> Terryn
> Sent: Saturday, September 07, 2013 1:22 PM
> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness
>
> Hello everyone,
>
> I am desperately in need of some advice. I am a totally blind Christian man
> in my early twenties and I am single. It's been my experience that it's
> extremely difficult for me to get dates. The few girls who do go out with
> me never turn out to be serious about me. After several years of being
> summarily rejected time without number and spending countless exhausting
> hours overthinking my approach, I'm beginning to wonder if it is actually
> something I'm doing (should I change my approach) or if its just a fact of
> being blind and I need to accept it gracefully.
>
> Has anyone else had this experience. I'm honestly unsure if I'm being
> rejected because I am blind, or because there is something undesirable
> about me. Could it be that blindness isa dealbreaker for most girls?
>
> I feel like, despite my blindness I have a lot to offer. I am steady,
> reliable, I have a job, I am tall and physically fit, I have a lot of
> different skills and interests. On the whole, I feel that I'm a fairly
> well-rounded individual and reasonably well-intergrated in society. Also
> it's not like I'm trying to get the most beautiful or desirable girls out
> there. I just want ONE nice, pleasant girl who will like and accept me that
> I can spend time with, and ultimately someone to marry. I don't feel like
> thats asking too much.
>
> so if it is my blindness that is scaring girls off is there anything at all
> that I could do to offset this reaction? Could it be that I'm not
> presenting myself as confident enough or that they have some false
> stereotypes in their mind that I need to overcome? Am I just giving up too
> soon or is this really an almost hopeless situation?
>
> This has all been extremely frustrating to me. Any advice would be greatly
> appreciated.
>
> Thanks!
>
> Jason
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