[Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness

Sun Sep 8 03:29:43 UTC 2013

Jason,
I'm in my late 20's and not married, and don't even have any
possibilities. I haven't read anyone else's responses, just want you
to know you're not alone.
I'm more of a spiritual person than a "Christian", but still having
the same experience.

On 9/7/13, Jason Terryn <2corinthians5seven at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hello,
>
> Thanks so much for the input, everyone. A couple things…
>
> Mike, it might be true that I’m not entirely comfortable with myself as a
> blind person yet. It’s true I haven’t been blind all my life, though surely
> long enough to be comfortable and confident in my own skin, I’d hoped.
> However, the reason I mention it so many times in my email was because my
> questions specifically pertained to that. I’ve definitely looked into other
> aspects of my life and personality that might be off-putting to women at
> other times.
>
> From my own experiences I’d tend to agree with those who said that sighted
> people who accept us are few and far between. The overwhelming majority of
> people I meet feel awkward around a blind person. It’s probably only that
> they’ve never or rarely interacted with blind people or the ones they have
> haven’t been stellar examples. I just wish more of them would allow
> themselves the opportunity to be reeducated.
>
> I think a lot of girls have such an instinct to be “politically correct”
> that they feel like they can’t cite blindness as a reason for rejection. So
> a lot of times I never even have the opportunity to address their concerns
> about it. I try my best to present myself as confident, self-sufficient,
> and as a provider rather than someone to be cared for, but all these things
> take time to establish which no one seems interested in giving me.
>
> Arielle and Bob, thanks a lot for the detailed advice. And congratulations,
> Arielle! It’s encouraging to hear of other people who have come up against
> the same hurdles, persevered, and are now happily in a relationship.
>
> It’s true that I’ve only pursued and dated sighted women. I haven’t tried
> the online route and so I’ve been limited to my own community of which I’m
> the only blind person. I think you’re right that dating blind women could
> provide good practice and help me build confidence. To be honest, I’ve felt
> a little trepidation in trying to meet women online but it might be helpful
> to give it a try. Also, if I did try that, do you think its  fair ot to
> disclose the fact that I’m blind? It’s true that keeping back that
> information might give me a chance to  display my other qualities without
> being automatically ruled out, but I’m also afraid that it would make it
> only that much more hurtful if I still ultimately ended up rejected. I may
> give eharmony or a Christian dating site a chance, though.
>
> Thanks again for all the useful advice!
>
> Jason
>
>
> On Sat, Sep 7, 2013 at 4:43 PM, Mike Freeman <k7uij at panix.com> wrote:
>
>> You're giving up too soon.
>>
>> Mike
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jason
>> Terryn
>> Sent: Saturday, September 07, 2013 1:22 PM
>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness
>>
>> Hello everyone,
>>
>> I am desperately in need of some advice. I am a totally blind Christian
>> man
>> in my early twenties and I am single. It's been my experience that it's
>> extremely difficult for me to get dates. The few girls who do go out with
>> me never turn out to be serious about me. After several years of being
>> summarily rejected time without number and spending countless exhausting
>> hours overthinking my approach, I'm beginning to wonder if it is actually
>> something I'm doing (should I change my approach) or if its just a fact
>> of
>> being blind and I need to accept it gracefully.
>>
>> Has anyone else had this experience. I'm honestly unsure if I'm being
>> rejected because I am blind, or because there is something undesirable
>> about me. Could it be that blindness isa dealbreaker for most girls?
>>
>> I feel like, despite my blindness I have a lot to offer. I am steady,
>> reliable, I have a job, I am tall and physically fit, I have a lot of
>> different skills and interests. On the whole, I feel that I'm a fairly
>> well-rounded individual and reasonably well-intergrated in society. Also
>> it's not like I'm trying to get the most beautiful or desirable girls out
>> there. I just want ONE nice, pleasant girl who will like and accept me
>> that
>> I can spend time with, and ultimately someone to marry. I don't feel like
>> thats asking too much.
>>
>> so if it is my blindness that is scaring girls off is there anything at
>> all
>> that I could do to offset this reaction? Could it be that I'm not
>> presenting myself as confident enough or that they have some false
>> stereotypes in their mind that I need to overcome? Am I just giving up
>> too
>> soon or is this really an almost hopeless situation?
>>
>> This has all been extremely frustrating to me. Any advice would be
>> greatly
>> appreciated.
>>
>> Thanks!
>>
>> Jason
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