[BlindTlk] vent

[maddymartin at mymts.net]

Hi all,
Please just ignore my last message, I left some stuff out. I think Mom is
depressed, she spends most of the day in her room on her phone watching TV.
She's always so negative, I think she's sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I think we all need to go to a therapist, but I know she wouldn't go or talk,
she'd say that we have the problem. There have been times where I've thought
about moving out with Dad, but I don't think she'd survive without us. She's the
one who should leave the house, she doesn't like the house and doesn't spend
much time down hear with us anyway.   I'm still struggling with the incident
with the lady back in March, I've tried apologizing and explaining my reasoning
for writing the post, but I feel like she's not listening to me and that I
deserve a second chance. I think I'm going to have to get Dad involved and have
him talk to her. It makes me sad just thinking about it. Makayla's biggest issue
is that her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at each other and she
thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant
meds, but I think he watches and reads way too much news. I also think he drinks
way too much coffie and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also
likes to nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already have
two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I think I should be
allowed to make my own decisions and not get told what to do. Mom also loves to
be in control all the time which is very annoying. None of us are very good at
talking about and sharing our feelings, if we were a normal family then we could
talk about this stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily
solve our problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the
one that needs the most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or talk.  
I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla even wants
to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right therapist. There are many
I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to move out, but I don't think
I want to live by myself. I used to think that Dad and I should go live
together, but now I'm not so sure. I already told you about his issues, and he
also nags me about stuff mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I
don't go anywhere so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the less
we shower the less water we use, and the less product we have to buy. As an
adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions even when it comes to
personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm treated more like a kid then the
adult that I am and should be allowed to be. Makayla would probably just yell at
me, she wouldn't actually teach me how to do something. She quite often just
says "If you want something then why not just learn to do it yourself." She also
bugs me about stuff and tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really bad at
just taking things without asking, mainly food. Sometimes someone buys something
for themselves or for someone else (that's not her), but she just sees things
and assumes she can eat or use them, when she can't always. If she'd just ask
then chances are she could eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but she
doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few months ago,
and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be kept in the fridge so Mom
would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit. Now if we make it
again she's not allowed to have any because she didn't ask the first time, she
blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the last few times she's made stuff she
hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not that I would unless it's plain. It's just
annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't really get any
because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to start hiding stuff in my
room, which would be weird, if it gets to that then I think we have a real
problem on our hands. Plus she's good at noticing/finding things that Mom has
tried to hide, in particular chocolate. Mom isn't always good at sharing either,
but I just ask and if she says no then I don't touch it. We might have to start
putting our names on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this
macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I didn't get. If she wants her own then
that's fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten one too. I've learned
that if someone gets something for me, whether it's a dinner or snack stuff I
have to eat it right away or else there might not be any/one left when I really
want it/some.  She yells at me when we're doing dishes because apparently I
don't dry them right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She thought that I
was talking about some particular time or decision that I want to make, but I
was just talking about in general. I still collect animal figurenes, and she has
this weird thing that if it's too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't
buy anything, even though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a month
until either event. I do it because I worry that she won't like the look of the
figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy it for me, regardless of how much
I want it. Like last Christmas I asked for this particular husky, well she
didn't buy it for me because she said that she didn't like it's face, it was too
pointy, but the 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's
my money, should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent, so if no
one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
Madison