[blparent] Question about adopting

Fri Nov 7 18:01:43 UTC 2008

Shannon,

As someone who has gone through the adoption process myself, I think it is fair to say that you are being penalized, but that it is simply a fact of life that needs to be 
dealt with as well as you can.  In the long run, we are all trying to change that, though, but in the short run we have to figure out how best to deal with things as they 
are.  In your own mind, you probably have to be ready to fight for this child, but how you portray "fighting" is another matter.  In the end, if you want a child soon, you 
have to accept that the decision is going to be in the hands of people who likely only know what you teach them about blindness.  To some degree, you have to 
"play the game" to the extent your principles allow.  For example, they are going to feel unreasonably more confident in you if you have any vision at all.  You will 
have to decide to what extent you can exploit that even though you may know that your vision isn't going to be what makes you a good parent.  

You don't have to have answers to all questions, but it is very important that you can show an ability to have an answer even if you are not completely sure the 
answer will work.  Any experience you have had with other kids, even as a babysitter of your siblings as you grew up, can be very helpful.  If you and your husband 
have no experience with kids to speak of, thiking about how to get some experience would be good.  When a child finally comes your way, you want to be able to 
feel fairly confident in yourselves because kids sense a lack of confidence and you'll have other stresses to deal with.  I'm sure many of us would be glad to answer 
any questions you have on this list.

You will also need to make some decisions regarding special needs kids.  The fact is that most agencies feel that the blind can take care of the blind, to put it 
bluntly.  This really doesn't make a lot of sense, but it is definitely true.  However, blindness is less often the only disability now and is more often a secondary 
disability with something else being the primary disability.  If you are willing to adopt a child with special needs, you will be more likely to be successful quickly, but 
you really need to learn about common causes of blindness at birth and to have a contact with whom you can consult.  Adopting a child with no disability is certainly 
possible but the road will be longer unless you are lucky.  There are many blind parents who have successfully raised sighted children, so there is no reason it 
shouldn't be done, I am only pointing out how it works in the real world.  If you consider adopting a blind child from another country, you cannot always be certain 
that there are not other undiagnosed disabilities.  Even here in the United States, sometimes other disabilities are assumed to be part of blindness because the 
expectations for blind kids tends to be lower.  Special needs kids need homes, too, but it is important that you have a pretty good idea of what you could be taking 
on.

Please understand that the above is an attempt to describe how things are and not how they should be.  I am not trying to justify any of what I have described, but it 
is important to understand what you are dealing with as you work out approaches.  Good luck to you.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Fri, 7 Nov 2008 09:43:33 -0500, Pickrell, Rebecca M. wrote:

>I read this post differently then most of you. 
>Shannon says that she feels as if she is being penalized for being "born
>this way" even though there was "nothing that could be done about it". 
>I'd ask if Shannon's husband came away with the same impression with
>regard to his blindness, and am wondering if the problem may be a lack
>of confidence, or an inability to explain how you two would handle
>certain situations. 
>Dena is right, you do need advocates on your side. 
>You also need to demonstrate that *you* feel you can do this and that
>you want to do this. You do not need to have all the answers, only a
>good handle on where you can *get* the answers. 
>Know too that most people can't imagine being a parent without their
>sight. What I've found helpful is to put this in terms people can
>understand, and say that I'd find it very difficult to parent without
>on-demmand hot running water, because I have never known anything else. 
>So it is with blindness, I have always been blind, and I do not know
>anything else. 
>People tend to "get it" when you phrase things in terms they can
>understand. 
>You can also point out that you wuld touch a child to know if they are
>clean, and remind whoever you see that all of us touch our behinds to
>determine if we have properly cleaned ourselves after using the toilet. 
>Remind them too that medical people use all their senses when diagnosing
>a situation, touch and smell, as well as observing the behavior of their
>patients. 
>Keep in mind that while you don't want to "fight for this child" you
>will need to be this child's advocate in all things. Ideally, this would
>mean stating "My child needs..." but sometimes it won't, and you will
>need to be firm and clear in what your child needs , as well as having
>the ability to convey this to others.  
>Keep in mind too that what your child may need, may be very different
>from what *you* want or expected, and you will again need to know the
>difference. 
>Good luck to you. Stay calm and assertive. 

>-----Original Message-----
>From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>On Behalf Of Dena Wainwright
>Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2008 9:33 PM
>To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Question about adopting

>have you taken a child first-aid class? other parenting classes you
>could point to? are there others with babies you spend a lot of time
>caring for who would act as references for you? just some thoughts.
>Dena

>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Shannan Zinck" <shannanzinck at gmail.com>
>To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2008 11:20 AM
>Subject: [blparent] Question about adopting

>>I don't really know if anyone can answer this or not but, we had our
>first
>> home visit from adoption services today and unfortunately me being 
>> visually
>> impaired and my husband being blind seems to be the biggest concern
>they
>> have. I guess my question is does anyone have any idea how we would 
>> convince
>> them that we can handle a child or how to ease their minds on this 
>> subject.
>> I really don't want this to become a big enough issue that we have to 
>> fight
>> for this child. Everything else seems fine but, this one point and
>some 
>> how
>> I feel like I'm being penalized for being born this way even though
>there
>> was nothing that could be done about it. Any ideas would be really
>great.
>> thanks.
>>
>> -- 
>> Shannan Zinck
>> Survival is letting GOD take over!!!
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