[blparent] Question about adopting

Fri Nov 7 22:51:32 UTC 2008

Absolutely disgusting!
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2008 11:01 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Question about adopting


> Shannon,
>
> As someone who has gone through the adoption process myself, I think it is 
> fair to say that you are being penalized, but that it is simply a fact of 
> life that needs to be
> dealt with as well as you can.  In the long run, we are all trying to 
> change that, though, but in the short run we have to figure out how best 
> to deal with things as they
> are.  In your own mind, you probably have to be ready to fight for this 
> child, but how you portray "fighting" is another matter.  In the end, if 
> you want a child soon, you
> have to accept that the decision is going to be in the hands of people who 
> likely only know what you teach them about blindness.  To some degree, you 
> have to
> "play the game" to the extent your principles allow.  For example, they 
> are going to feel unreasonably more confident in you if you have any 
> vision at all.  You will
> have to decide to what extent you can exploit that even though you may 
> know that your vision isn't going to be what makes you a good parent.
>
> You don't have to have answers to all questions, but it is very important 
> that you can show an ability to have an answer even if you are not 
> completely sure the
> answer will work.  Any experience you have had with other kids, even as a 
> babysitter of your siblings as you grew up, can be very helpful.  If you 
> and your husband
> have no experience with kids to speak of, thiking about how to get some 
> experience would be good.  When a child finally comes your way, you want 
> to be able to
> feel fairly confident in yourselves because kids sense a lack of 
> confidence and you'll have other stresses to deal with.  I'm sure many of 
> us would be glad to answer
> any questions you have on this list.
>
> You will also need to make some decisions regarding special needs kids. 
> The fact is that most agencies feel that the blind can take care of the 
> blind, to put it
> bluntly.  This really doesn't make a lot of sense, but it is definitely 
> true.  However, blindness is less often the only disability now and is 
> more often a secondary
> disability with something else being the primary disability.  If you are 
> willing to adopt a child with special needs, you will be more likely to be 
> successful quickly, but
> you really need to learn about common causes of blindness at birth and to 
> have a contact with whom you can consult.  Adopting a child with no 
> disability is certainly
> possible but the road will be longer unless you are lucky.  There are many 
> blind parents who have successfully raised sighted children, so there is 
> no reason it
> shouldn't be done, I am only pointing out how it works in the real world. 
> If you consider adopting a blind child from another country, you cannot 
> always be certain
> that there are not other undiagnosed disabilities.  Even here in the 
> United States, sometimes other disabilities are assumed to be part of 
> blindness because the
> expectations for blind kids tends to be lower.  Special needs kids need 
> homes, too, but it is important that you have a pretty good idea of what 
> you could be taking
> on.
>
> Please understand that the above is an attempt to describe how things are 
> and not how they should be.  I am not trying to justify any of what I have 
> described, but it
> is important to understand what you are dealing with as you work out 
> approaches.  Good luck to you.
>
> Best regards,
>
> Steve Jacobson
>
> On Fri, 7 Nov 2008 09:43:33 -0500, Pickrell, Rebecca M. wrote:
>
>>I read this post differently then most of you.
>>Shannon says that she feels as if she is being penalized for being "born
>>this way" even though there was "nothing that could be done about it".
>>I'd ask if Shannon's husband came away with the same impression with
>>regard to his blindness, and am wondering if the problem may be a lack
>>of confidence, or an inability to explain how you two would handle
>>certain situations.
>>Dena is right, you do need advocates on your side.
>>You also need to demonstrate that *you* feel you can do this and that
>>you want to do this. You do not need to have all the answers, only a
>>good handle on where you can *get* the answers.
>>Know too that most people can't imagine being a parent without their
>>sight. What I've found helpful is to put this in terms people can
>>understand, and say that I'd find it very difficult to parent without
>>on-demmand hot running water, because I have never known anything else.
>>So it is with blindness, I have always been blind, and I do not know
>>anything else.
>>People tend to "get it" when you phrase things in terms they can
>>understand.
>>You can also point out that you wuld touch a child to know if they are
>>clean, and remind whoever you see that all of us touch our behinds to
>>determine if we have properly cleaned ourselves after using the toilet.
>>Remind them too that medical people use all their senses when diagnosing
>>a situation, touch and smell, as well as observing the behavior of their
>>patients.
>>Keep in mind that while you don't want to "fight for this child" you
>>will need to be this child's advocate in all things. Ideally, this would
>>mean stating "My child needs..." but sometimes it won't, and you will
>>need to be firm and clear in what your child needs , as well as having
>>the ability to convey this to others.
>>Keep in mind too that what your child may need, may be very different
>>from what *you* want or expected, and you will again need to know the
>>difference.
>>Good luck to you. Stay calm and assertive.
>
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>On Behalf Of Dena Wainwright
>>Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2008 9:33 PM
>>To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Question about adopting
>
>>have you taken a child first-aid class? other parenting classes you
>>could point to? are there others with babies you spend a lot of time
>>caring for who would act as references for you? just some thoughts.
>>Dena
>
>
>>----- Original Message -----
>>From: "Shannan Zinck" <shannanzinck at gmail.com>
>>To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2008 11:20 AM
>>Subject: [blparent] Question about adopting
>
>
>>>I don't really know if anyone can answer this or not but, we had our
>>first
>>> home visit from adoption services today and unfortunately me being
>>> visually
>>> impaired and my husband being blind seems to be the biggest concern
>>they
>>> have. I guess my question is does anyone have any idea how we would
>>> convince
>>> them that we can handle a child or how to ease their minds on this
>>> subject.
>>> I really don't want this to become a big enough issue that we have to
>>> fight
>>> for this child. Everything else seems fine but, this one point and
>>some
>>> how
>>> I feel like I'm being penalized for being born this way even though
>>there
>>> was nothing that could be done about it. Any ideas would be really
>>great.
>>> thanks.
>>>
>>> -- 
>>> Shannan Zinck
>>> Survival is letting GOD take over!!!
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>
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