[blparent] Question about adopting

Sat Nov 8 00:49:37 UTC 2008

I really agree with this post--especially the part about your child not 
meeting your ideals for him or her. If there's one thing I've learned, it's 
that I have to be very adaptable, because the things I want to work for 
Elise, or think should work for Elise, often don't, and I need to come up 
with other strategies--even those I'd previously decided I wouldn't try. a 
great example is co-sleeping. I had absolutely decided not to co-sleep. 
however, when Elise has been colicky for six hours, and I'm so exhausted I'm 
in tears, if she will allow me to sleep for an hour if she is laying on my 
chest, then I will do it. it's not what I expected I would do, but it is 
what I need to do right now.
the other thing I'd really second is that you must convey that you have 
confidence in your abilities, and that you have a network of support if you 
don't know how to do a certain thing. Rebecca is right that many people just 
can't get their heads around what it would be like to parent a child without 
your vision. I actually had another mom ask me "how do you change a diaper?" 
I responded calmly that I just had to use my hands to touch more than she 
did to make sure things got clean. she was kind of grossed out, but I just 
shrugged and said "I do what I have to do."
one thing I found helped when I was in the hospital having Elise was that I 
had read a lot about children, so I knew certain things already. even though 
some of them were inconsequential, it seemed to make everyone else feel 
better that I was well educated. I also admitted when I didn't know how to 
do something, and I asked for help. I would have a nurse show me how to do 
something (like change a diaper), and then I would ask her to watch the next 
time to make sure I had it all down, and that I had cleaned up well. I also 
tried to stay as calm as I could with her. in fact, many people commented 
about that. again, it seemed to make them feel better that I wasn't totally 
high-strung.
just some ideas. I really hope you find the way that works best for you.
Dena

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M." <Rebecca.Pickrell at ngc.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2008 8:43 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Question about adopting

>I read this post differently then most of you.
> Shannon says that she feels as if she is being penalized for being "born
> this way" even though there was "nothing that could be done about it".
> I'd ask if Shannon's husband came away with the same impression with
> regard to his blindness, and am wondering if the problem may be a lack
> of confidence, or an inability to explain how you two would handle
> certain situations.
> Dena is right, you do need advocates on your side.
> You also need to demonstrate that *you* feel you can do this and that
> you want to do this. You do not need to have all the answers, only a
> good handle on where you can *get* the answers.
> Know too that most people can't imagine being a parent without their
> sight. What I've found helpful is to put this in terms people can
> understand, and say that I'd find it very difficult to parent without
> on-demmand hot running water, because I have never known anything else.
> So it is with blindness, I have always been blind, and I do not know
> anything else.
> People tend to "get it" when you phrase things in terms they can
> understand.
> You can also point out that you wuld touch a child to know if they are
> clean, and remind whoever you see that all of us touch our behinds to
> determine if we have properly cleaned ourselves after using the toilet.
> Remind them too that medical people use all their senses when diagnosing
> a situation, touch and smell, as well as observing the behavior of their
> patients.
> Keep in mind that while you don't want to "fight for this child" you
> will need to be this child's advocate in all things. Ideally, this would
> mean stating "My child needs..." but sometimes it won't, and you will
> need to be firm and clear in what your child needs , as well as having
> the ability to convey this to others.
> Keep in mind too that what your child may need, may be very different
> from what *you* want or expected, and you will again need to know the
> difference.
> Good luck to you. Stay calm and assertive.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
> On Behalf Of Dena Wainwright
> Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2008 9:33 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Question about adopting
>
> have you taken a child first-aid class? other parenting classes you
> could point to? are there others with babies you spend a lot of time
> caring for who would act as references for you? just some thoughts.
> Dena
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Shannan Zinck" <shannanzinck at gmail.com>
> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2008 11:20 AM
> Subject: [blparent] Question about adopting
>
>
>>I don't really know if anyone can answer this or not but, we had our
> first
>> home visit from adoption services today and unfortunately me being
>> visually
>> impaired and my husband being blind seems to be the biggest concern
> they
>> have. I guess my question is does anyone have any idea how we would
>> convince
>> them that we can handle a child or how to ease their minds on this
>> subject.
>> I really don't want this to become a big enough issue that we have to
>> fight
>> for this child. Everything else seems fine but, this one point and
> some
>> how
>> I feel like I'm being penalized for being born this way even though
> there
>> was nothing that could be done about it. Any ideas would be really
> great.
>> thanks.
>>
>> -- 
>> Shannan Zinck
>> Survival is letting GOD take over!!!
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