[blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

Sun Aug 30 16:57:23 UTC 2009

Hello Steve,

Thank you for sharing and giving good advice. I believe I spoke to your wife 
about a year ago. I found the article in the Braille Monitor entitled 
"Loving Elizabeth" and reached out...you too gave us hope :)

We have been on this journey for awhile, and have had to explain, write and 
now even create a video to show our competence and abilities to parent--ugg! 
We went through a lot of stress when trying to go the New York foster care 
route, and I reached out to Carl Jacobsen here in New York. He was 
supportive and gave us some directions to try...it gets so tiring after 
awhile to have to prove ourselves, but, like you said,  it is what it is and 
we will keep up our persistence.

We actually had to sit in a meeting with all of the Directors from the New 
York agency, and answer so many questions and explore different sinarios 
with them. Some of these social workers were more willing than others, and 
actually, the medical doctor and psychiatrist were more understanding and 
had more confidence in our abilities. We found this refreshing, but strange. 
It seems that if someone is willing to learn and do not already have their 
own set preconceptions of blindness, then we have a better shot at educating 
them, otherwise, forget it, they will never get it. WE had a wonderful, very 
understanding home study social worker, and she was our biggest advocate 
with the agency. However, she was promoted and is not even in the same 
department anymore. They are not willing to look outside of New York City 
anyway, so we have moved on...

Thank you for your advice on being aware of the different countries and the 
causes of vision loss. We have seen a lot of different children available 
with some partial medical reports and video. We tend to be shown many 
children that have cataracts and/or prematurity. All of the children we have 
seen are between the ages of 1.5 to 6 years old. The older children have a 
lot of body and head rocking, and inability to walk due to lack of 
interventions, and of course institutionalization...it is so very sad.
The good thing is that by the time we find a country willing to accept us, 
and child that we will accept, we will be well educated.

it is so good to communicate with folks who truly understand, and thank you. 
We will never give up or allow others to define who we are...educating 
people is part of our everyday living, so the judgements and misconceptions 
is not surprising.

Again, thank you.

Best wishes, Sherry

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 10:48 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

> Sherry,
>
> My wife and I are both blind and have adopted two children from Korea but 
> it was some thirteen years ago.  Yet, I very
> much identify with the feelings you express.  In our case, we did not seek 
> out children with "special needs," but the road
> to adopt children who have some vision loss was definitely an easier one. 
> Both of our kids have some vision loss with
> one being legally blind and the other not.  If either partner of a couple 
> who are adopting have some vision, the process
> seems to go very much smoother whether you are talking about China or even 
> here in the United states.  If you have a
> good relationship with your church and your church has an adoption 
> program, that could be a good route to investigate.
>
> The fact is that most people just don't know how we live as blind adults 
> and can't imagine it.  The fact that they may be
> educated with degrees in social work and/or psychology as is often the 
> case with adoption workers doesn't seem to
> matter at all.  However, there are those out there who are willing to 
> learn, and the only choice we have is to approach
> them assuming that we can educate them as to how blind adults live and how 
> we parent.  This means you'll go through
> a lot that other couples don't go through, and you'll have to explain a 
> lot and handle more assumptions that you can't do
> it than most.  You'll need to call upon a lot of patience.  This isn't 
> meant to say that the situation is fair, but it is what it is.
>
> If you decide that you are willing to seek out kids with vision loss or 
> have other special needs, be sure to research
> carefully the special needs involved.  In countries where medical care is 
> more advanced, it is less likely, for example,
> that a child is only blind, rather blindness is more likely a secondary 
> condition related to something else that might be
> more significant.  In countries that have less advanced medical care, 
> there could be an explainable reason for the
> blindness and a chance that blindness is the only disability, but it is 
> also possible that there will not be a medical history
> at all.  Be sure you know what you feel you can handle in terms of kids 
> with special needs if you travel that route.  They
> all need homes, but they need to be in homes that will be supportive both 
> emotionally and financially.  By "financially," I
> am referring to the cost of unknown on-going medical conditions.
>
> Unfortunately, the landscape has change a lot even since we adopted, so 
> our specific experiences are probably of little
> value now.  However, from all I have read and heard, our general 
> experiences are still relevant.  Good luck.  If you are
> persistent, you will likely succeed.  Be patient, stay calm, and stay 
> focused.
>
> Best regards,
>
> Steve Jacobson
>
> On Sat, 29 Aug 2009 22:45:05 -0400, Sherry DeFrancesco wrote:
>
>
>>Hi Barbara,
>>Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, since the Hague Convention,
>>Guatamala and Vietnam are currently not in agreement with the U.S. and
>>adoptions are not permitted at this time. Guatamala does not meet the 
>>Hague
>>requirements, and I am not entirely certain why there are restrictions 
>>with
>>Vietnam. It is all politics and bureaucracy as compared to years ago. 
>>Korea
>>is slowly dwindling down in terms of adoption to U.S. citizens, or any
>>country except for their own; and are  expected to stop all adoption by
>>2012. So, we have explored these options already. We are now looking 
>>further
>>into Ukraine. Perhaps, this will go well. There are no "restrictions" in
>>their laws that restrict parents who are blind, but this could be because
>>they do not believe that blind people would even apply :(
>>We shall see. It has been very difficult finding adoptive parents who are
>>blind; apparently there are not that many, or perhaps there are and I just
>>cannot find them...
>>China asked questions like "how much can they see?" Does one of them see?"
>>"Well, if one of them out of the two has vision in at least one eye, then 
>>we
>>will accept them"
>
>>This journey to adoption, for us, has been a nightmare, however, an
>>incredible learning experience. There will be a light at the end of this
>>tunnel--it is not in our nature to give up easily, or at all :)
>
>>Again, thank you for your response and suggestions :)
>>Best wishes, Sherry
>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 9:47 PM
>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>
>
>>> Have you tried Guatemala?  That seems to be a popular one with the
>>> adoption agency we went through.  Granted, all the ones I know are 
>>> sighted
>>> but I'm sure they can't be a country without a blind person.  What about
>>> Korea or Vietnam, also?  Those are the only countries I can think of off
>>> the bat. Mine are from China.  We got them a year before the 
>>> requirements
>>> changed.
>>> Barbara
>>>
>>> If wisdom's ways you wisely seek, five things observe with care:  of 
>>> whom
>>> you speak, to whom you speak, and how and when and where.
>>>
>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>> From: "Sherry DeFrancesco" <sdefrancesco at optonline.net>
>>> Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 3:43 PM
>>> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Subject: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>>
>>>> Dear Blind Parent Listers,
>>>>
>>>> We are a married couple that is totally blind, and have been trying to
>>>> adopt a child that is blind or visually impaired for the past two 
>>>> years.
>>>> It has been a long and exhausting journey due to misconceptions and 
>>>> false
>>>> beliefs about the abilities of parents who are blind. We have a New 
>>>> York
>>>> state Foster Parent License, and a completed home study for 
>>>> international
>>>> adoption. We have tried the New York foster care system, as well as
>>>> International adoption agencies. New York state did not locate a child
>>>> that is blind or vision impaired in the NY state foster care system, 
>>>> and
>>>> we have been turned down by China, India and Russia. There are 
>>>> thousands
>>>> of blind and vision impaired children out there all over the world who
>>>> need loving homes including right here in the United States. If anyone
>>>> out there has any information where we can find blind or vision 
>>>> impaired
>>>> children in the U.S. in need of a forever family, or successfully 
>>>> adopted
>>>> a child either domestically or internationally, and can lend some
>>>> advice/guidance and/or resources to locate the support and 
>>>> understanding
>>>> that we will need to complete a successful adoption, please contact me
>>>> privately if you are willing at:
>>>> sdefrancesco at optonline.net
>>>>
>>>> I am also willing to discuss on the list if appropriate, however, a
>>>> private conversation may be more appropriate-either way is fine with 
>>>> me.
>>>>
>>>> Thank you.
>>>>
>>>> Best wishes ~ Sherry DeFrancesco
>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>> blparent mailing list
>>>> blparent at nfbnet.org
>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>>> blparent:
>>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/poetlori8%40msn.com
>>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> blparent mailing list
>>> blparent at nfbnet.org
>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> blparent:
>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/sdefrancesco%40optonline.net
>
>
>>_______________________________________________
>>blparent mailing list
>>blparent at nfbnet.org
>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
>>blparent:
>>http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/steve.jacobson%40visi.com
>
>
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
> blparent:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/sdefrancesco%40optonline.net 