[blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

Sun Aug 30 21:53:51 UTC 2009

Sherry,

Good luck to you.  It sounds as though you are doing everything you can.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:57:23 -0400, Sherry DeFrancesco wrote:

>Hello Steve,

>Thank you for sharing and giving good advice. I believe I spoke to your wife 
>about a year ago. I found the article in the Braille Monitor entitled 
>"Loving Elizabeth" and reached out...you too gave us hope :)

>We have been on this journey for awhile, and have had to explain, write and 
>now even create a video to show our competence and abilities to parent--ugg! 
>We went through a lot of stress when trying to go the New York foster care 
>route, and I reached out to Carl Jacobsen here in New York. He was 
>supportive and gave us some directions to try...it gets so tiring after 
>awhile to have to prove ourselves, but, like you said,  it is what it is and 
>we will keep up our persistence.

>We actually had to sit in a meeting with all of the Directors from the New 
>York agency, and answer so many questions and explore different sinarios 
>with them. Some of these social workers were more willing than others, and 
>actually, the medical doctor and psychiatrist were more understanding and 
>had more confidence in our abilities. We found this refreshing, but strange. 
>It seems that if someone is willing to learn and do not already have their 
>own set preconceptions of blindness, then we have a better shot at educating 
>them, otherwise, forget it, they will never get it. WE had a wonderful, very 
>understanding home study social worker, and she was our biggest advocate 
>with the agency. However, she was promoted and is not even in the same 
>department anymore. They are not willing to look outside of New York City 
>anyway, so we have moved on...

>Thank you for your advice on being aware of the different countries and the 
>causes of vision loss. We have seen a lot of different children available 
>with some partial medical reports and video. We tend to be shown many 
>children that have cataracts and/or prematurity. All of the children we have 
>seen are between the ages of 1.5 to 6 years old. The older children have a 
>lot of body and head rocking, and inability to walk due to lack of 
>interventions, and of course institutionalization...it is so very sad.
>The good thing is that by the time we find a country willing to accept us, 
>and child that we will accept, we will be well educated.

>it is so good to communicate with folks who truly understand, and thank you. 
>We will never give up or allow others to define who we are...educating 
>people is part of our everyday living, so the judgements and misconceptions 
>is not surprising.

>Again, thank you.

>Best wishes, Sherry

>----- Original Message ----- 
>From: "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 10:48 AM
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

>> Sherry,
>>
>> My wife and I are both blind and have adopted two children from Korea but 
>> it was some thirteen years ago.  Yet, I very
>> much identify with the feelings you express.  In our case, we did not seek 
>> out children with "special needs," but the road
>> to adopt children who have some vision loss was definitely an easier one. 
>> Both of our kids have some vision loss with
>> one being legally blind and the other not.  If either partner of a couple 
>> who are adopting have some vision, the process
>> seems to go very much smoother whether you are talking about China or even 
>> here in the United states.  If you have a
>> good relationship with your church and your church has an adoption 
>> program, that could be a good route to investigate.
>>
>> The fact is that most people just don't know how we live as blind adults 
>> and can't imagine it.  The fact that they may be
>> educated with degrees in social work and/or psychology as is often the 
>> case with adoption workers doesn't seem to
>> matter at all.  However, there are those out there who are willing to 
>> learn, and the only choice we have is to approach
>> them assuming that we can educate them as to how blind adults live and how 
>> we parent.  This means you'll go through
>> a lot that other couples don't go through, and you'll have to explain a 
>> lot and handle more assumptions that you can't do
>> it than most.  You'll need to call upon a lot of patience.  This isn't 
>> meant to say that the situation is fair, but it is what it is.
>>
>> If you decide that you are willing to seek out kids with vision loss or 
>> have other special needs, be sure to research
>> carefully the special needs involved.  In countries where medical care is 
>> more advanced, it is less likely, for example,
>> that a child is only blind, rather blindness is more likely a secondary 
>> condition related to something else that might be
>> more significant.  In countries that have less advanced medical care, 
>> there could be an explainable reason for the
>> blindness and a chance that blindness is the only disability, but it is 
>> also possible that there will not be a medical history
>> at all.  Be sure you know what you feel you can handle in terms of kids 
>> with special needs if you travel that route.  They
>> all need homes, but they need to be in homes that will be supportive both 
>> emotionally and financially.  By "financially," I
>> am referring to the cost of unknown on-going medical conditions.
>>
>> Unfortunately, the landscape has change a lot even since we adopted, so 
>> our specific experiences are probably of little
>> value now.  However, from all I have read and heard, our general 
>> experiences are still relevant.  Good luck.  If you are
>> persistent, you will likely succeed.  Be patient, stay calm, and stay 
>> focused.
>>
>> Best regards,
>>
>> Steve Jacobson
>>
>> On Sat, 29 Aug 2009 22:45:05 -0400, Sherry DeFrancesco wrote:
>>
>>
>>>Hi Barbara,
>>>Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, since the Hague Convention,
>>>Guatamala and Vietnam are currently not in agreement with the U.S. and
>>>adoptions are not permitted at this time. Guatamala does not meet the 
>>>Hague
>>>requirements, and I am not entirely certain why there are restrictions 
>>>with
>>>Vietnam. It is all politics and bureaucracy as compared to years ago. 
>>>Korea
>>>is slowly dwindling down in terms of adoption to U.S. citizens, or any
>>>country except for their own; and are  expected to stop all adoption by
>>>2012. So, we have explored these options already. We are now looking 
>>>further
>>>into Ukraine. Perhaps, this will go well. There are no "restrictions" in
>>>their laws that restrict parents who are blind, but this could be because
>>>they do not believe that blind people would even apply :(
>>>We shall see. It has been very difficult finding adoptive parents who are
>>>blind; apparently there are not that many, or perhaps there are and I just
>>>cannot find them...
>>>China asked questions like "how much can they see?" Does one of them see?"
>>>"Well, if one of them out of the two has vision in at least one eye, then 
>>>we
>>>will accept them"
>>
>>>This journey to adoption, for us, has been a nightmare, however, an
>>>incredible learning experience. There will be a light at the end of this
>>>tunnel--it is not in our nature to give up easily, or at all :)
>>
>>>Again, thank you for your response and suggestions :)
>>>Best wishes, Sherry
>>
>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>>From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 9:47 PM
>>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>
>>
>>>> Have you tried Guatemala?  That seems to be a popular one with the
>>>> adoption agency we went through.  Granted, all the ones I know are 
>>>> sighted
>>>> but I'm sure they can't be a country without a blind person.  What about
>>>> Korea or Vietnam, also?  Those are the only countries I can think of off
>>>> the bat. Mine are from China.  We got them a year before the 
>>>> requirements
>>>> changed.
>>>> Barbara
>>>>
>>>> If wisdom's ways you wisely seek, five things observe with care:  of 
>>>> whom
>>>> you speak, to whom you speak, and how and when and where.
>>>>
>>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>>> From: "Sherry DeFrancesco" <sdefrancesco at optonline.net>
>>>> Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 3:43 PM
>>>> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Subject: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>>>
>>>>> Dear Blind Parent Listers,
>>>>>
>>>>> We are a married couple that is totally blind, and have been trying to
>>>>> adopt a child that is blind or visually impaired for the past two 
>>>>> years.
>>>>> It has been a long and exhausting journey due to misconceptions and 
>>>>> false
>>>>> beliefs about the abilities of parents who are blind. We have a New 
>>>>> York
>>>>> state Foster Parent License, and a completed home study for 
>>>>> international
>>>>> adoption. We have tried the New York foster care system, as well as
>>>>> International adoption agencies. New York state did not locate a child
>>>>> that is blind or vision impaired in the NY state foster care system, 
>>>>> and
>>>>> we have been turned down by China, India and Russia. There are 
>>>>> thousands
>>>>> of blind and vision impaired children out there all over the world who
>>>>> need loving homes including right here in the United States. If anyone
>>>>> out there has any information where we can find blind or vision 
>>>>> impaired
>>>>> children in the U.S. in need of a forever family, or successfully 
>>>>> adopted
>>>>> a child either domestically or internationally, and can lend some
>>>>> advice/guidance and/or resources to locate the support and 
>>>>> understanding
>>>>> that we will need to complete a successful adoption, please contact me
>>>>> privately if you are willing at:
>>>>> sdefrancesco at optonline.net
>>>>>
>>>>> I am also willing to discuss on the list if appropriate, however, a
>>>>> private conversation may be more appropriate-either way is fine with 
>>>>> me.
>>>>>
>>>>> Thank you.
>>>>>
>>>>> Best wishes ~ Sherry DeFrancesco
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>>>>
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>>
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>>
>>
>>
>>
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