[blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

Sun Aug 30 21:59:08 UTC 2009

Thank you. We surely are...
Sherry

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 5:53 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted

> Sherry,
>
> Good luck to you.  It sounds as though you are doing everything you can.
>
> Best regards,
>
> Steve Jacobson
>
> On Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:57:23 -0400, Sherry DeFrancesco wrote:
>
>
>>Hello Steve,
>
>>Thank you for sharing and giving good advice. I believe I spoke to your 
>>wife
>>about a year ago. I found the article in the Braille Monitor entitled
>>"Loving Elizabeth" and reached out...you too gave us hope :)
>
>>We have been on this journey for awhile, and have had to explain, write 
>>and
>>now even create a video to show our competence and abilities to 
>>parent--ugg!
>>We went through a lot of stress when trying to go the New York foster care
>>route, and I reached out to Carl Jacobsen here in New York. He was
>>supportive and gave us some directions to try...it gets so tiring after
>>awhile to have to prove ourselves, but, like you said,  it is what it is 
>>and
>>we will keep up our persistence.
>
>>We actually had to sit in a meeting with all of the Directors from the New
>>York agency, and answer so many questions and explore different sinarios
>>with them. Some of these social workers were more willing than others, and
>>actually, the medical doctor and psychiatrist were more understanding and
>>had more confidence in our abilities. We found this refreshing, but 
>>strange.
>>It seems that if someone is willing to learn and do not already have their
>>own set preconceptions of blindness, then we have a better shot at 
>>educating
>>them, otherwise, forget it, they will never get it. WE had a wonderful, 
>>very
>>understanding home study social worker, and she was our biggest advocate
>>with the agency. However, she was promoted and is not even in the same
>>department anymore. They are not willing to look outside of New York City
>>anyway, so we have moved on...
>
>>Thank you for your advice on being aware of the different countries and 
>>the
>>causes of vision loss. We have seen a lot of different children available
>>with some partial medical reports and video. We tend to be shown many
>>children that have cataracts and/or prematurity. All of the children we 
>>have
>>seen are between the ages of 1.5 to 6 years old. The older children have a
>>lot of body and head rocking, and inability to walk due to lack of
>>interventions, and of course institutionalization...it is so very sad.
>>The good thing is that by the time we find a country willing to accept us,
>>and child that we will accept, we will be well educated.
>
>>it is so good to communicate with folks who truly understand, and thank 
>>you.
>>We will never give up or allow others to define who we are...educating
>>people is part of our everyday living, so the judgements and 
>>misconceptions
>>is not surprising.
>
>>Again, thank you.
>
>>Best wishes, Sherry
>
>
>
>>----- Original Message ----- 
>>From: "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>Sent: Sunday, August 30, 2009 10:48 AM
>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>
>
>>> Sherry,
>>>
>>> My wife and I are both blind and have adopted two children from Korea 
>>> but
>>> it was some thirteen years ago.  Yet, I very
>>> much identify with the feelings you express.  In our case, we did not 
>>> seek
>>> out children with "special needs," but the road
>>> to adopt children who have some vision loss was definitely an easier 
>>> one.
>>> Both of our kids have some vision loss with
>>> one being legally blind and the other not.  If either partner of a 
>>> couple
>>> who are adopting have some vision, the process
>>> seems to go very much smoother whether you are talking about China or 
>>> even
>>> here in the United states.  If you have a
>>> good relationship with your church and your church has an adoption
>>> program, that could be a good route to investigate.
>>>
>>> The fact is that most people just don't know how we live as blind adults
>>> and can't imagine it.  The fact that they may be
>>> educated with degrees in social work and/or psychology as is often the
>>> case with adoption workers doesn't seem to
>>> matter at all.  However, there are those out there who are willing to
>>> learn, and the only choice we have is to approach
>>> them assuming that we can educate them as to how blind adults live and 
>>> how
>>> we parent.  This means you'll go through
>>> a lot that other couples don't go through, and you'll have to explain a
>>> lot and handle more assumptions that you can't do
>>> it than most.  You'll need to call upon a lot of patience.  This isn't
>>> meant to say that the situation is fair, but it is what it is.
>>>
>>> If you decide that you are willing to seek out kids with vision loss or
>>> have other special needs, be sure to research
>>> carefully the special needs involved.  In countries where medical care 
>>> is
>>> more advanced, it is less likely, for example,
>>> that a child is only blind, rather blindness is more likely a secondary
>>> condition related to something else that might be
>>> more significant.  In countries that have less advanced medical care,
>>> there could be an explainable reason for the
>>> blindness and a chance that blindness is the only disability, but it is
>>> also possible that there will not be a medical history
>>> at all.  Be sure you know what you feel you can handle in terms of kids
>>> with special needs if you travel that route.  They
>>> all need homes, but they need to be in homes that will be supportive 
>>> both
>>> emotionally and financially.  By "financially," I
>>> am referring to the cost of unknown on-going medical conditions.
>>>
>>> Unfortunately, the landscape has change a lot even since we adopted, so
>>> our specific experiences are probably of little
>>> value now.  However, from all I have read and heard, our general
>>> experiences are still relevant.  Good luck.  If you are
>>> persistent, you will likely succeed.  Be patient, stay calm, and stay
>>> focused.
>>>
>>> Best regards,
>>>
>>> Steve Jacobson
>>>
>>> On Sat, 29 Aug 2009 22:45:05 -0400, Sherry DeFrancesco wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>>Hi Barbara,
>>>>Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, since the Hague Convention,
>>>>Guatamala and Vietnam are currently not in agreement with the U.S. and
>>>>adoptions are not permitted at this time. Guatamala does not meet the
>>>>Hague
>>>>requirements, and I am not entirely certain why there are restrictions
>>>>with
>>>>Vietnam. It is all politics and bureaucracy as compared to years ago.
>>>>Korea
>>>>is slowly dwindling down in terms of adoption to U.S. citizens, or any
>>>>country except for their own; and are  expected to stop all adoption by
>>>>2012. So, we have explored these options already. We are now looking
>>>>further
>>>>into Ukraine. Perhaps, this will go well. There are no "restrictions" in
>>>>their laws that restrict parents who are blind, but this could be 
>>>>because
>>>>they do not believe that blind people would even apply :(
>>>>We shall see. It has been very difficult finding adoptive parents who 
>>>>are
>>>>blind; apparently there are not that many, or perhaps there are and I 
>>>>just
>>>>cannot find them...
>>>>China asked questions like "how much can they see?" Does one of them 
>>>>see?"
>>>>"Well, if one of them out of the two has vision in at least one eye, 
>>>>then
>>>>we
>>>>will accept them"
>>>
>>>>This journey to adoption, for us, has been a nightmare, however, an
>>>>incredible learning experience. There will be a light at the end of this
>>>>tunnel--it is not in our nature to give up easily, or at all :)
>>>
>>>>Again, thank you for your response and suggestions :)
>>>>Best wishes, Sherry
>>>
>>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>>>From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>>>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>>Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 9:47 PM
>>>>Subject: Re: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>>
>>>
>>>>> Have you tried Guatemala?  That seems to be a popular one with the
>>>>> adoption agency we went through.  Granted, all the ones I know are
>>>>> sighted
>>>>> but I'm sure they can't be a country without a blind person.  What 
>>>>> about
>>>>> Korea or Vietnam, also?  Those are the only countries I can think of 
>>>>> off
>>>>> the bat. Mine are from China.  We got them a year before the
>>>>> requirements
>>>>> changed.
>>>>> Barbara
>>>>>
>>>>> If wisdom's ways you wisely seek, five things observe with care:  of
>>>>> whom
>>>>> you speak, to whom you speak, and how and when and where.
>>>>>
>>>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>>>> From: "Sherry DeFrancesco" <sdefrancesco at optonline.net>
>>>>> Sent: Saturday, August 29, 2009 3:43 PM
>>>>> To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>>> Subject: [blparent] Seeking parents who are blind and who adopted
>>>>>
>>>>>> Dear Blind Parent Listers,
>>>>>>
>>>>>> We are a married couple that is totally blind, and have been trying 
>>>>>> to
>>>>>> adopt a child that is blind or visually impaired for the past two
>>>>>> years.
>>>>>> It has been a long and exhausting journey due to misconceptions and
>>>>>> false
>>>>>> beliefs about the abilities of parents who are blind. We have a New
>>>>>> York
>>>>>> state Foster Parent License, and a completed home study for
>>>>>> international
>>>>>> adoption. We have tried the New York foster care system, as well as
>>>>>> International adoption agencies. New York state did not locate a 
>>>>>> child
>>>>>> that is blind or vision impaired in the NY state foster care system,
>>>>>> and
>>>>>> we have been turned down by China, India and Russia. There are
>>>>>> thousands
>>>>>> of blind and vision impaired children out there all over the world 
>>>>>> who
>>>>>> need loving homes including right here in the United States. If 
>>>>>> anyone
>>>>>> out there has any information where we can find blind or vision
>>>>>> impaired
>>>>>> children in the U.S. in need of a forever family, or successfully
>>>>>> adopted
>>>>>> a child either domestically or internationally, and can lend some
>>>>>> advice/guidance and/or resources to locate the support and
>>>>>> understanding
>>>>>> that we will need to complete a successful adoption, please contact 
>>>>>> me
>>>>>> privately if you are willing at:
>>>>>> sdefrancesco at optonline.net
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I am also willing to discuss on the list if appropriate, however, a
>>>>>> private conversation may be more appropriate-either way is fine with
>>>>>> me.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Thank you.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Best wishes ~ Sherry DeFrancesco
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>>>>>
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