[blparent] Working outside or in the home
Pickrell, Rebecca M (IT)
REBECCA.PICKRELL at ngc.com
Wed Feb 11 13:05:45 UTC 2009
Just to add to this, babies also change the way Dad views the world too.
This doesn't need to be discussion you have just once, it can and
should be an ongoing one, as new information becomes avaiable.
Some career spouses, simply can't handle the mental stress of being the
sole breadwinner. There's nothing wrong with that.
Jennifer, since daycare spots are hard to come by for infants, I'd get
one now if you can and know that you can always not send your child or
wait until your child is a bit older.
Nannies have a shorter lead time, and are more expensive.
You can also look into au pairs if that appeals to you, though that is
very much like adopting a young adult sibling for a year.
And, there are good and bad nannies and au pairs.
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On Behalf Of Melissa Ann Riccobono
Sent: Tuesday, February 10, 2009 5:07 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Working outside or in the home
This is absolutely true... There are some extremely hard choices, and
the only person who can truly make them is you. Of course the baby's
father should have a lot to say on the matter as well (smile) but you
have to be comfortable with whatever you decide. If daycare feels right
to you, and you have work that you love and don't want to give up, then
go for it! Find a good day care, babysitter, nanny,or whatever and
thrive in your work and being a mother too. Don't let anyone tell you
you're wrong for making that choice--it is your choice to make. On the
other hand, if you want to stay home, and/or stay at home and work, then
do that. Again, don't let anyone look down on you for making that
choice.
I went back to work after my son was 3 months old. I was
working part time, and I honestly thought this would be the best of both
worlds for me. I had some days to spend at home with him, and I had my
work. I was a school counselor, so I knew I would have school breaks,
summer vacation, etc. to spend with him. I was reasonably satisfied
with the day care he was in. But, eventually I started to feel I
couldn't do either of my jobs well.
I always felt the push and pull--stay late at school and miss time with
Austin, but spend time on my job. Go right home to pick him up and be
exhausted somedays and feel I wasn't giving him all the attention he
needed.
I was counseling everyone else's kids and started to feel bad that my
own wasin day care which, however loving, just wasn't me. So, at the
end of that school year I quit my job. I still miss it in some ways,
especially the kids and my coworkers, but I have never really regretted
my decision.
Now that Austin is 2, I have just started putting him in daycare
once a week. This is because I was recently elected president of the
NFB of Maryland and have to attend a lot of meetings, at least at the
moment, for this position. I also sell Discovery Toys from home (feel
free to email me off list if you'd like more details it's a great way to
earn some extra money, or even to earn a whole bunch if you want to go
that route) and I am hoping I'll have some time to devote to my business
as well. (So far, that hasn't happened!) I certainly had mixed
feelings about putting him in day care. I really wanted to wiat until
he was three and put him in a preschool program a couple of mornings a
week. But, I also want him to be able to interact with other children,
and I love for him to meet and interact with new people. So far, he
loves it and has a lot of fun, so I think it's the right decision.
Sorry this is so long... As you can tell, I have some strong
feelings about this! I guess to sum this all up I just want to say
trust your gut--some moms are thrilled to stay home and some really need
the stimulation work provides, and some need and find ways to do both.
Find what works for you. But, also, be flexible and reevaluate as time
goes on.
The great thing is most of the time you're not locked into a decision
and you can change things if you find you don't like what you first
decided.
Also, in some ways this is a decision you can only truly make after your
baby is born. You might think you know what you want to do, but babies
have a strange way of changing your whole world and you might be
surprised what you ultimately decide. Lastly, talk about this with your
partner. I am lucky to have a husband who supports me in whatever I
want to do. He was fine with me working, and would support me if I
decided to go to work fulltime tomorrow. But, he's also glad I stay
home, but also encourages me to find outlets for myself so I don't get
stuck in a rut. Make sure you have conversations about this issue
before the baby is born to make sure you are on the same page. It will
save a lot of headaches later.
Just my thoughts... Thanks for reading if you got this far!
Melissa
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Monday, February 09, 2009 11:41 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Working outside or in the home
Hi. I've been fortunate enough to work from home so I can care for my
daughter at the same time. But let me tell you, it isn't always easy.
It's
downright stressful when you're trying to get work done and your baby
wants attention, and you feel pulled in different directions. I'm lucky
because I
can set my own hours, which means I work hard at night or when Sarah is
napping, but it takes self-discipline to stick to that when all you want
to do is sleep, or it's been a long day. The situation wouldn't work
for everybody. Still, I'm glad I don't have to put my baby into the
care of others right now.
One thing I would say is that if you stay home, it's important to get
out with your baby. Kids, even at young ages, in my opinion, need to be
exposed
to different environments and not just kept in the four walls of your
home.
Sarah and I have a great circle of supportive friends from my church
already, and I don't mind leaving her with them for short periods. She
hasn't really been around other children much, but I've been looking
into a Mommy and Me group so that she can start to interact with some
little ones.
On the other hand, my sister's kids have been in day care for most of
their lives, and they seem to be thriving. My sister found good home
day care, and now for her youngest, she's chosen a center with music and
gym programs.
Her kids have done tumbling, too. Those activities would have been hard
to provide at home, so there are advantages. It's really a personal
decision, and you have to decide what is important to you and weigh the
pros and cons of each choice.
Jo Elizabeth
"Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one
holds water."--Swedish proverb
----- Original Message -----
From: "Pipi" <blahblahblah0822 at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, February 09, 2009 8:02 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Working outside or in the home
>I can give my persoanl opinions on this, but just remember they are my
>opinions. I don't want to scare or discourage anyone from using daycare
>centers.
> I've worked in childcare for 10 years now. And personally, I never
>want my
> daughter to be in a daycare center. and she will never ever go to a
> home daycare unless it is a close friend or family member of mine. I
> have heard
> too many stories from friends about bad home daycares. And I've
> experienced one with my nephew. We went to pick him up early one day.
> There was a little boy who had his leg stuck in one of those floor
> heating
> vents. The daycare provider was telling him to get himself out because
> it was his fault for taking the cover off in the first place. I didn't
> like this. The kid should have never been able to get it off. It
> should have been screwed in tightly. I know accidents happen, but that
is rediculous.
> And the way she handled it definitely wasn't right. My nephew didn't
> return to that home daycare. Too many things can happen when there is
> only
> one person about. I know there are some great home daycares out
there.
> I'm just not a very trusting person when it comes to strangers and my
> daughter. I run my own home daycare now, so i'm glad there are people
> that
> do trust and use them. Call me over protective I guess.
> As for centers, do your homework, and do lots of it. There are lots of
> magnificent centers. There are some ok ones. And there are ones that
> should have been shut down by the state. I worked in one of the bad
> ones for less than a week before I put in my two weeks notice. It was
> shut down
> not long after I left.
> The other centers I worked in were pretty good. But even though they
> are licensed daycares, rules get broken. Ratios get exceeded. I quit
> one of the other daycares I worked at because I was pretty much taking
> care of 23, 3 year olds on my own. The other person they hired to help
> me liked to
> call in sick quite a lot. And with budget cuts and all, the center
> didn't have enough staff to cover when people called in sick. It's
> little things like that, that make me not want my daughter in a
daycare.
> But again, do your homework. pop in to check out the center at all
> different times of the day. Ask any and all questions you can think to
> ask. Ask them about ratios and what they do when they are under
staffed.
> Ask about the foods they serve, nap times, when children are ill,
> anything
> and everything you can think to ask about. Like I said, there are
> some great centers out there. You just have to find them.
> As for me, I'm fortunate enough right now that I don't have to put my
> daughter in a daycare. And I'm working on making it so I can continue
> working from home. This is just my personal preference though. I'm an
> over
> protective mom who didn't ever think she'd be a mom. And I want my
> miracle
> baby happy, healthy, and well taken care of at all times. I don't want
> to risk anything. So for now, the only people taking care of her, are
> myself and close friends and family.
> Pipi
>
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