[blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit

[Leanne Merren]

Hi Jo Elizabeth,
Kaelyn is 23 months old, and I started making it a rule that she may not run 
from me about 2 months ago, when I felt she understood the consequences for 
doing so.  So if you think it's time to teach her, then I would suggest 
punishing her when she runs, and praising her when she comes.  Kaelyn got 
spanked twice for running from me, and now all I have to do is tell her in a 
firm voice that she needs to come to me, and she comes, because she knows 
she's in trouble if she doesn't.  If you don't use spanking as a punishment, 
maybe you have something else you could use as a punishment.  With all 3 of 
my kids I have made the rule that they are to come immediately when I call 
them, because it could be a safety thing.
As far as the comments, I would explain to them how those comments could 
imply that they have an advantage, and this could make things very difficult 
as Sara gets older.  With my kids, they have the same rules no matter who 
they are with.  I believe that rules should always be consistent.  For 
instance, when crossing a street or parking lot, they are not to step foot 
off the curb unless they are holding the hand of an adult.  This way they 
learn to wait for permission to cross, whether they are with me or someone 
else.  For the safety of your child, you and your husband, and any other 
caregivers, should always follow consistent rules and try to do things as 
similarly as possible.  My husband has some sight, but he always agreed with 
me.  My mother had to learn, too, that telling me she's watching my child in 
the parking lot wasn't acceptible.  She had to hold their hand just as I 
would.  Otherwise, they may forget and walk out there without me before I 
could grab them.
I hope this all makes sense.  One thing I had to tell myself as a first time 
mom is that my concerns are always valid, and that sighted people just 
aren't going to understand my ways of parenting.  You are the main caregiver 
though, so things really have to be done your way in order to keep her safe, 
and so she clearly understands her boundaries.
Take care,
Leanne
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at pcdesk.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, November 19, 2009 3:56 PM
Subject: [blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit


> I've been coming up against a situation that is troubling me a little, and 
> I'm looking for some feedback.  I guess I need to know whether I'm 
> overreacting, and there's nothing to be worried about, or if there is 
> something to be concerned about and what I ought to do.
>
> Sarah is almost 21 months old now, and I stay at home with her.  She holds 
> my hand when we leave the house, and I've also got one of those animal 
> backpack harnesses for her.  But around the house, she's taken to running 
> away from me when it's time for me to change her diaper or put her to bed 
> and she isn't interested in doing those things.  I know that's normal 
> toddler behavior, so I don't take it personally.  But I also know there's 
> no way I can chase her and catch up with her, so I don't want to set that 
> up as a pattern.  I just stay in one place and call her, keeping the mood 
> light, and she usually comes to me soon enough.  No big deal.
>
> The problem is, her dad and some sighted friends have chased her and 
> scooped her up, and a couple of times I've heard them say stuff like, 
> "Well, I can see, so I don't have to wait for you to come to me," or "It's 
> hard to get away from someone who can see you, isn't it?"
>
> My worry is, will this start establishing the idea in Sarah's mind that 
> Mom can't see, so she can't keep up, or she can't do what needs doing?  I 
> don't think anybody has meant to be harmful or thoughtless, but wouldn't 
> it be better to have everybody following the no chasing rule?  If so, is 
> there a practical, realistic way to break the chasing habit in other 
> caregivers, or at least stop the comments?
>
> Thanks for thinking about this with me.
>
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify 
> the hunters.--African Proverb
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