[blparent] need to think something out

Wed Apr 7 01:11:09 UTC 2010

I also think you mentioned that Cindy works.  Maybe you should switch roles 
in that department.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Eva Adams" <eadams15 at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 3:12 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] need to think something out


> Scott,
> I am sorry that u aren't enjoying fatherhood. Having a baby can change a 
> lot, and stir up emotions u never knew u felt. Maybe sitting down by 
> yourself, and thinking about everything would help. I mean think about do 
> u love your baby? Do u think u could deal with leaving and not seeing your 
> baby grow up? Could your feelings of resentment be that the baby is taking 
> away from your time with Cindy? I know that my fiance has struggled with 
> the fact that we don't have the alone time like we use to. That we don't 
> go out by ourselves much. I think he had some of the same feelings as u 
> do. I can tell that now that our daughter is 2 that he has calmed down a 
> lot, and does seem to really enjoy being a father. He also had several 
> fears about being a father, and if he would be good at it. I hope things 
> get better for u soon. It is hard when a baby is just coming into the 
> home. Hang in there.
>
> Eva
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Scott Lawlor" <sklawlor at mac.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 12:01 PM
> Subject: [blparent] need to think something out
>
>
>> Hi.
>>
>> I hope you guys will indulge me as I think aloud a bit and maybe I could 
>> use a bit of input, not necessarily what to do so much as maybe just 
>> using the group as a sounding board of sorts if that's alright.
>>
>> Earlier this morning I was watching the baby and putting a diaper on her. 
>> She was very wiggly and crying and I wasn't in a very good mood anyway so 
>> I was annoyed and actually growled at her which was very over the top.
>>
>> Cindy asked me if I regretted having a kid and I said that I did a 
>> little. Add to this the notion that she really wants another one and I 
>> don't think I can go through the baby stage again, no matter how 
>> temporary things are.
>> She asked me if I wanted to leave and I told her that part of me does and 
>> part of me doesn't, an answer that I hate giving because it's quite 
>> ambivalent.
>>
>> For the most part, I'm happy here and though I don't enjoy it that much 
>> honestly, I take care of the baby alright.
>>
>> I just don't know.  It's not a question of whether either one of us is 
>> worried about being single and alone, that's not a big deal for either 
>> her or I actually.
>>
>> But she says if I'm going to resent a child, she'll pick up on that and 
>> it won't be healthy for her or the rest of the family.
>>
>> I'm not sure if resent is the right word.
>>
>> We compliment each other in so many ways though, she cooks and I clean up 
>> and do the dishes, she's way better with the finances and I'm better with 
>> the laundry.
>>
>> Like I said, for the most part, I enjoy my life here with Cindy but 
>> taking care of a baby, I'm not so sure of all that sometimes.
>>
>> It's not the work so much, the extra laundry, the diapering and all that. 
>> I'm not sure what it is exactly.
>>
>> I know I enjoy my alone time more now than I used to I think.
>>
>> I hate feeling conflicted like this and it's not like I have to decide 
>> right now whether to leave or not.  She did say though that if I wanted 
>> to leave, it would be better now than later.
>>
>> I felt more comfortable and more capable when I was exclusively in a 
>> support role, doing the laundry and all that other stuff.
>>
>> I remember she was crying really hard one time when I was holding her and 
>> I had this image of me throwing her through the window, not a pretty 
>> image and I'd never do something like that but those sorts of things 
>> really concern me.
>>
>> No, being a parent of a new baby hasn't been exciting for me and I 
>> haven't enjoyed it nearly as much as Cindy has and I wasn't excited about 
>> having this kid and I think it's safe to say that she wanted this child 
>> more than I.   I do better with kids who can actually talk and who can at 
>> least tell you what they need to some extent.
>>
>> I hope I haven't rambled too much but I just felt that I needed to write 
>> some things out a bit.
>>
>>
>>
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>
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