[blparent] Looking for Literature or other suggestionsforeducating my new DR. On parenting as a Blind person

Wed Mar 31 04:21:06 UTC 2010

I think that you can often show far more by example of doing than you can by 
explaining. E.g., when Elise was first born, we had an older nurse working 
with us at our doctor's office who I think had no clue how I was going to 
take care of my daughter. She would ask questions (usually to Jason) about 
her routines, feeding schedules, etc. I was the one who was her primary 
caregiver, so I would answer the questions instead of him. I would just 
calmly report the facts: how many ounces she was currently eating at a time, 
whether she had rolled over yet, etc. She would also just give Elise to 
Jason, assuming he would be the one to change and dress her when the checkup 
was over. Again, I wouldn't freak out - I would just calmly get what I 
needed out of the diaper bag, change her diaper, put her clothes on, and 
snap her into her carseat. Watching me actually do these things myself was 
far more informative, in my opinion, than me saying angrily that I was 
perfectly capable of taking care of my own baby without help. Also, I can't 
tell you how much tension and second-guessing my infant first-aid and CPR 
certification resolved. Finally, there are ways that people ask questions. 
We all know the difference between the patronizing jackasses who ask how we 
manage to get dressed every morning, and the people who genuinely want to 
know how we do things. My doctor asked questions at first, and I believe 
that they were born out of legitimate concern, and not out of scepticism. 
E.g., she asked things like how I would give Elise her reflux medication 
alone, or how I would keep track of her when she became mobile. I would 
explain the techniques I had heard other blind parents use, and also tell 
her that I had a network of other blind parents with more experience than I 
had whom I could get tips from when needed. I think, as we brought Elise in 
for visit after visit, and she continued to develop and grow along the 
appropriate continuum, and she continued to look happy, healthy, and clean, 
the doctor gradually realized that everything was fine.
Dena

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Joy Wolf" <joy at kevinlwolf.net>
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 9:21 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Looking for Literature or other 
suggestionsforeducating my new DR. On parenting as a Blind person

>I totally agree here.  After all, if this doctor, or any other professional
> for that matter, has questions or concerns, and we leave him/her wondering
> about the answers, I think that is leaving those questions open to often
> lacking knowledge and faulty interpretations.  Not sure if that makes 
> sense,
> but I guess my thought is if I don't tell him, who will? One other thing
> that I have learned over the years is this.  I used to get very defensive
> about questions that were asked and concerns raised, some of them 
> downright
> ridiculous, to be honest.  It took me a very long time to understand that 
> as
> individuals, all we really have to go by are our own life experiences. 
> So,
> having said that, someone who is sighted often has absolutely no earthly
> idea how they themselves would do something if they were blind.  So, I 
> think
> that often times it is that person's own insecurity and even fear that we
> see, and maybe not a direct judgment on us as blind parents, employees,
> patients, or whatever the case might be.  Sorry if this doesn't make 
> sense,
> I'm having a very long and rather tough week, so little sleep, lol.  I 
> just
> think that in order to show a person where we are coming from, so to 
> speak,
> it helps to remember that that person is likely in a very different place,
> especially if he or she is asking a ton of silly questions.  Have a great
> week everyone.
>
> Joy and family
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Veronica Smith
> Sent: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 9:10 PM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Looking for Literature or other suggestions
> foreducating my new DR. On parenting as a Blind person
>
> For one I think you made a wise choice sticking with that doctor.  You do
> need to educate him so if he ever has another blind patient he will know
> what they are capable of.  I would find a good colonel book that deals 
> with
> similar situations and give it to him, this is what I have done time and
> time again.  Maybe the fact that he wrote the words blind on your form is
> not necessarily a bad thing, you don't want techs assuming you can see, 
> when
> it will be better for you if they describe procedures.  You go girl! V
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Miranda Borka
> Sent: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 11:37 AM
> To: blparent at NFBnet.org
> Subject: [blparent] Looking for Literature or other suggestions for
> educating my new DR. On parenting as a Blind person
>
> Hi,
> I recently found out that my insurance covers a private doctor in my city,
> and I had my first appointment with him yesterday. Part of this 
> appointment
> involved my physical for our fostercare-adoption process.
> After seeing the form, the doctor said, "I'm not wanting to sound rude, 
> but
> how do you plan to parent a child? Will the children be Blind since you
> are?" I told him that the children would not be Blind, and that it is
> difficult to find a child in the U.S fostercare system who is Blind 
> without
> that child having other multiple special needs. He then asked, "Is your
> husband sighted?" I again answered "No." He asked, "I'm sure you can hear 
> a
> pin drop, but how would that make you able to parent?" I reassured him 
> that
> I knew of many successful parents who just happened to be Blind, and that 
> it
> was not impossible. I further explained that although as a parent who
> happens to be Blind I may need to make some adaptions, it was not
> impossible.
> Although very shocked and amazed, he seemed satisfied with my response, 
> and
> clearly admitted to never knowing a Blind person who could or wanted to be 
> a
> parent. In the end, he put on my foster-adopt physical form, "She is 
> Blind,
> but very capable and ambitious." Although I do wish he wouldn't have made 
> my
> Blindness a point on the form (as it had already been noted", I figured it
> best to leave well enough alone.
>
> I have had friends suggest I leave this doctor and go to a more respectful
> doctor. However, I disagree. First, I am aware that it is a fact that most
> of the sighted general public are uneducated about Blindness and aspects 
> of
> living as a person who is Blind like parenting. I can't run away from 
> these
> situations, as it would not only deepen the stereotype that Blind people 
> are
> not independent, but it would not set a good example of how to handle
> adverse situations to anyone watching (including our children when they
> enter our home).
> Furthermore, as my doctor said,  he was uneducated about Blindness and the
> ability for a person who is Blind to parent. I don't believe that walking
> away from this doctor would aid in educating him, and I honestly felt 
> sorry
> for him and his lack of education. I'll admit to feeling initially 
> defensive
> at his insessent questioning of my capability to parent, but I suddenly
> wanted to educate him.
>
> Whether my doctor realizes it or not, he has challenged me to go in to my
> next appointment (or contact his office) very equipped with information,
> materials and/or knowledge to educate and empower him to understand and 
> work
> with myself and any other Blind person he comes in contact with who is or
> wishes to be a parent.
>
> I write all of this to ask for your feedback. Can anyone of you share how
> you've dealt with situations like this? Can you share any literature,
> materials or anything I can provide my doctor so he can see for himself 
> that
> what I am saying is indeed true? I want him to be able to be informed, and
> not to just take my word for it.
> Any feedback and ideas would be greatly appreciated.
> Thanks in advance, and have a great week!
>
> In Christ, Miranda
>
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