[blparent] dealing with the public

[Shannan Zinck]

Baby wearing is a great idea and wish I could have done it myself but, our
son was extremely tall and his head flopped over until he was well over 4
months old so a carrier was hard for us. We had to rely on assertiveness or
not be able to look after our own kid. We got and sometimes still get this
treatment when we go to church functions. I don't struggle so much with it
because I have a lot of experience with children and I have minimal sight
but, my husband who is totally blind has a real struggle with this. We
actually had to ask one of our sighted friends who trusts us to take care of
our own child to keep an eye on certain people that they don't take over.
Myles is 16 months now and toddles everywhere and some people think they can
be the mommy just as much as me. It's quite frustrating. I have learned
however 2 things #1 is If you can't tell people to back off in a semi nice
manner then eventually you'll get so frustrated you'll needlessly explode
and that would be nasty business. Praying that God will help you share your
concern in a way that would be received and that God will help you deal with
it in a way that won't cause you to flip your lid. #2 is in some way many
times it feels like you must prove your ability to care for your child. This
may not be right but, it is a reality in society. This is only done by doing
what you need to do for your baby sometimes even in spite of what is going
on around you. One way would be if your baby is in the carseat and people
are swarming then maybe try taking the baby out and holding him. You're
right these people are well meaning but, we need to realize that we are
teachers here. Teaching society that blind people are able to care for
little ones. When we intended to adopt I joined this list and other groups
to gain info on what other blind people did to care for children to bring
back to our social worker to help her understand how it's possible. We were
riddled with sooo many questions but, instead of getting angry we looked for
answers that could be explained to a sighted person. This extra effort on
our part gave her confidence. I know it can be very trying but, I have
realized that the best defense we have is our patience and ability to help
sighted people understand how we do things. Some people tease the different,
some shy away, some ask many questions and some jump in like you don't know
what you are doing. We all have different ways of reacting to new things.
This is a learning time for you raising your new baby and a learning time
for those around you who don't understand how someone who is blind could
possibly take care of a baby. My husband is slowly asserting himself in
situations by doing for my son even when people try to take over if they try
to take him from him (which unfortunately has happened) he holds him or
picks him up and tells them nicely thanks for the offer but, I can handle
it. If they are persistent he just tells them If I need help I will ask
someone. I have had to sit one girl down and talk to her about allowing us
to be the parents and not worry about him so much. Sometimes it takes a good
discussion to help some people realize their place with your child and to
learn their boundaries. Does your husband know what is going on, he may be
able to help ease some of the pressure by explaining your abilities to
people when the opportunity comes up. It's amazing how someone you know
bragging you up will make people sit back and take notice  Also I wouldn't
take it too personally It sounds like they just don't understand and are
trying to help way too much. Even sighted people have a hard time with this
when they are new parents. Happens at our church all the time not just with
us though I have to admit with us it is more often. As your son gets older
some of this will change as people see you handling him like any mother
would. Sorry this is so long I just hope some of my ramblings are a little
insightful and helpful.
-- 
Shannan Zinck
Survival is letting GOD take over!!!