[blparent] The Toddler Diet

[Anjelina]

Thanks for sharing. This is so true about the various creations toddler will eat. :)

Anjelina
Sent from my iPhone

On Aug 5, 2011, at 11:06 PM, "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com> wrote:

> Hello list,
> 
> 
> 
> I wanted to send you all something that would put a smile on your face and
> thought you'd get a kick out of this joke diet I found on-line.  Enjoy this
> Friday funny.
> 
> 
> 
> Erin
> 
> 
> 
> People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets
> is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get
> enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet.)
> Consequently, people tend to cheat off their diets, or quit after three
> days. Now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.
> 
> Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now
> the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may
> want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you
> may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck!
> 
> 
> 
> DAY ONE
> 
> Breakfast - One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2
> bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of
> toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Get some in your
> eyebrows too. It'll give you something to pick at for several hours of
> satisfying appetite control.
> 
> Lunch - Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of
> milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest down your leg).
> 
> Dinner - A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of stale beer.
> 
> Bedtime Snack - Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor. Be
> sure to step on it and hear it go crunch!
> 
> 
> 
> DAY TWO
> 
> Breakfast - Pick up stale crunched toast from kitchen floor and eat it.
> Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Um.
> Yummy!
> 
> Lunch - Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog
> Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
> 
> Afternoon Snack - Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in
> dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring
> inside and drop on the rug. Wander away without thought.
> 
> Dinner - A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
> nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a large strainer
> spoon, since taking your time is vital to your dieting success.
> 
> 
> 
> DAY THREE
> 
> Breakfast - Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in
> hair. Don't pull it out later though. It hurts. Glass of milk: drink half,
> stuff remainder of picked over pancakes into glass. After breakfast, pick up
> yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of
> your best chair. Wander away without direction.
> 
> Lunch - Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites
> onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Smear a design on
> table with remaining milk. It's good for your artistic expression.
> 
> Dinner - Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some wine, and coffee.
> 
> 
> 
> FINAL DAY
> 
> Breakfast - A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
> olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a half-cup of
> sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Be sure to
> rub some in dog's fur just for fun.
> 
> Lunch - Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
> sucker and finish eating it.
> 
> Dinner - A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Discard meatball on plate.
> Stick of mascara for dessert.
> 
> 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> 
> 
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