[blparent] Potty time again...

[Jo Elizabeth Pinto]

I have a couple of thoughts on this, mostly because Sarah finally overcame 
this hurdle in the last month or so, to the point that I gave away her 
diapers and pull-ups both.  I wrote the list a while back wondering what I 
was doing wrong, and got lots of encouragement.  So here goes a novel in 
return.

My first question is, do you think Savannah is really ready, or is it you 
who is ready and pushing the issue?  Sarah was three and a half before the 
potty thing clicked.  That's well beyond the age that most kids are, and I 
was beginning to take a lot of flack from other moms.  But before that, she 
wasn't interested, and wasn't ready, and it wasn't going to happen.  Don't 
be in a rush to get Savannah out of diapers because you feel social pressure 
from other moms or outsiders who don't know your daughter or your situation. 
Only the two of you can decide when the time is right.  It's easy to fall 
into the trap of wanting our kid to do something because the kid across the 
street did it weeks ago, and we start to question our parenting abilities 
because our little darling isn't keeping up.

My second thing is, the reward system you are using might be too complex for 
Savannah to understand.  Most toddlers don't really comprehend delayed 
gratification, as in you get a point now, and when you earn enough points, 
you'll get a reward.  I used M&M's, and Sarah got a couple each and every 
time she went potty, so that the reward was instant, not something she had 
to wait for and would probably forget about.  A few people criticized me for 
using food, especially sweets, and said I was settling for bribery, but 
guess what?  It worked.  I was also telling her the whole time that when she 
learned to go potty, she could be in preschool with the big kids, but I 
think it was the instant gratification of M&M's that pushed her over the 
hump.

I had a couple of those potty chairs that sit on the floor, but Sarah made 
big progress when I stopped using them in trade for seats that fit on the 
"big potties" in each bathroom.  Sarah got to pick out the potty seats at 
the store, and decide which one to use in each bathroom.  One seat had 
pictures of Dora and Boots on it, and the other featured Elmo and Big Bird 
from Sesame Street.  Using a special seat on the grown-ups toilet and 
flushing afterward was a huge excitement for Sarah.

Savannah won't tell you she has to go potty till she actually connects the 
physical feeling in her body to the urine or feces that comes out.  I 
remember the night the light bulb went off for us.  Sarah had been urinating 
in the potty regularly, but having no success with the other.  She was 
sitting on the potty after her bath, and her daddy asked her if she was 
going to "make yuckies" (her words.)  He told me she looked at him like he 
was the dumbest man alive, and she said, "No, Daddy, I'm not making yuckies. 
I'm going potty right now."  She knew urinating in the toilet meant that she 
was going potty, but she had no idea that defecating was part of the deal, 
too.  After that night, it clicked.  We've had only two bowel accidents 
since then, and one of them wasn't her fault at all because we were out 
somewhere and it took me too long to figure out where the bathroom was.  She 
had one wetting accident at night, and that was it.

So, the short version of the novel is, if she isn't ready, she just isn't 
ready.  All you'll do is put yourselves in a battle that nobody wins, and 
the whole experience will be negative for both of you, especially if you use 
scolding or punishments for something she truly can't control.  If you 
really think she's biologically ready, try using instant rewards like M&M's 
or some other easy-to-dispense and easy-to-eat treat that Savannah doesn't 
get often.  Try taking Savannah to the toilet at regular times, like right 
when she gets up, a half an hour before and after each meal, right before 
naptime and bedtime.  Read books with her on the potty, or listen to a 
sing-along CD, anything that will make sitting there into something fun. 
And when she's actually in the act of going, clap and cheer and praise her 
to the skies, so she understands that the physical feeling of going 
coincides with what you want, and it isn't just what ends up in the toilet 
that you're looking for.

I'm no expert, but that's what all I learned from going through the process 
with Sarah.  She'd been watching a potty video for ages, and that didn't do 
much, but once she mastered the toilet, she went around telling 
everybody--including strangers and the pastor at church, in front of the 
congregation, complete with hiking up her dress to show off her Dora 
panties--that she was a big girl and could make yuckies in the potty all by 
herself.

Jo Elizabeth

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, 
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of 
the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of 
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at tasc.com>
Sent: Wednesday, September 21, 2011 10:46 AM
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Potty time again...

> Might she truly not know when she has to go? It took my little one a long 
> time to figure it out. She really didn't know.  I could tell when she "got 
> it" by the tone in her voice and her being distracted but not wanting to 
> admit she had to go potty.
>
> I didn't punish her for having accidents. That seems cruel to me. I would 
> have her help me clean up the messes though.
>
> The timer thing drove me bat s** crazy so I didn't use it. Might this be 
> the source of some of your tention?
>
> There is a lot involved with potty training, the feeling that "Yeah I have 
> to go now" and then timing and also the mechanics of getting to the potty. 
> I've read that a lot of kids don't really get it until they are around 
> five or so.  I also have a friend who took her son to a chyropractor who 
> said that the kid really couldn't feel when he had to go.  She can't prove 
> that was the problem, but whatever the chyropractor did worked.
>
> Really, I'd suggest you listen to Savanna. Is she pulling away from you, 
> both figuratively and literally before output hits the floor? If she is, 
> then yes, she knows when she needs to go. If she isn't, she doesn't.
>
> Also, know that even when they do get it figured out, they will need to be 
> reminded that going potty is something we all do.  I remember my daughter 
> having an accident right before we left the house one morning. I asked her 
> what was going on and she said without missing a beat "Dora was on tv, 
> Mommy!" like I was the dumb one.  I had to explain to her that no matter 
> how good the tv show is, we all take time to go potty.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
> Behalf Of Pipi
> Sent: Wednesday, September 21, 2011 12:29 PM
> To: blindparenting at googlegroups.com
> Subject: [blparent] Potty time again...
>
> Prepare for a novel...
> I'm sure y'all are sick of this topic from me already, but well it's been 
> the toughest thing I've dealt with so far.
> Here's where we are now.
> A few weeks ago, Savannah ended up wearing a pull up to bed instead of a 
> diaper basically because it was late and I had it upstairs and not a 
> diaper.
> Morning came and I thought I'd give it a try. I told Savannah that these 
> were special panties and we don't potty in them. I asked her if she'd like 
> to go potty in the toilet. Much to my complete surprise, she said yes. She 
> had previously been against even trying. She wanted her diapers and 
> nothing else.
> I was convinced that she'd happily wear diapers through her teen years if 
> I let her. lol
> After my attempt of training her in a week back at the end of June, I 
> haven't pushed at all because she clearly wanted nothing to do with it.
> Over the past few weeks she has not worn a diaper at all. I put her in 
> panties at home and pull ups when we are out and most of the time at 
> night.
> In the beginning Savannah was really into going potty. She had lots of 
> accidents, but she was trying.
> She has gotten better and yesterday was actually our 2nd potty free 
> accident day in a row.
> Poop is another story. She'll go in the toilet if I'm lucky enough to get 
> her there at the right time. Otherwise she'll go in her panties or pull 
> up.
> My concerns are that Savannah is still not telling me when she has to go 
> potty. I'm still setting an alarm and telling her it's time to go. I 
> thought by now that would change a bit.
> She has told me that she has to go potty after she goes, but that's it.
> My other concern is that Savannah is now starting to tell me that she 
> doesn't want to go potty. She fights that it's time to go. I never wanted 
> it to be a fight for us, but she has been making progress. I gave her 
> diapers away because I made the decision that she wasn't going back into 
> them after the 2 week without them mark.
> What do I do? I like the child lead approach, but I also have a strong 
> willed stubborn daughter.
> I've talked to my cousin who's son has a similar personality to 
> Savannah's. She did the approach that she's the mom and in charge and it's 
> time to go. She used punishments when he had accidents right after her 
> asking him if he needed to go.
> Another parent I talked to made her son clean his poopy underwear one day 
> because it had been months of him going potty in toilet but refusing to 
> poop. That was the last time he pooped in his underwear.
> I use a reward system for Savannah. She gets a coin every time she goes in 
> the toilet. I attempted to tell her that if she stayed clean all day, she 
> could buy a lollypop, her choice, with her money.  I've thought about 
> taking a coin away every time she has an accident.
> Honestly I don't really know what to do at this point. I know everyone 
> here takes a different approach and I guess that is what I'm looking for. 
> I want to hear how everyone handled the horrible task of potty training 
> because I'm not really sure where to do from here.
> Pipi
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