[blparent] Clarification was Re: Involvement of ChildServices (was introduction, expecting)
Jo Elizabeth Pinto
jopinto at msn.com
Tue Aug 14 19:56:08 UTC 2012
I agree completely, Steve, especially with your caution about displaying a
hostile or overly suspicious attitude from the start. When the CPS worker
appeared on my doorstep one Saturday afternoon with two police officers, my
first impulse was to tell them all to take a hike--well okay, those weren't
the exact words that were on the tip of my tongue, but you get the idea.
But I took a deep breath and counted to ten, and that was long enough for me
to rethink my approach. I invited the social worker and the officers in and
let them look around. I had nothing to hide. My boyfriend and I answered
their questions calmly and truthfully. It was a good thing I decided to be
rational and composed. The social worker had come because of an anonymous
phone call, and part of what had been reported was that I was mentally
unstable and had anger issues. It wasn't hard to figure out that the call
had come from an ex friend of mine who wanted to get even with me on behalf
of my boyfriend's ex wife. That was neither here nor there except that if
I'd been belligerent at the door, as I was for a moment tempted to be, I
would have given credibility to the idea that I had anger problems. The
social worker observed my daughter, who was nine or ten months old then, and
my stepson playing with two kids we were watching for a couple from church.
She asked questions about how I got around with my guide dog, and if I had
help with the baby when I needed it. I said yes I had help, and just kept
to myself that I didn't need it as often as the social worker probably
thought I did. She seemed genuinely interested in my talking thermometer
and scale. If the Parenting Without Sight booklet had been available from
the NFB back then, I would have given her a copy as we parted on friendly
terms. There's a time and a place to fight discrimination and boldly assert
that as a blind person, I can do just about everything that someone with
sight can do, with a lot less help than one might think, and I deserve the
same rights of parenthood and privacy that any sighted person deserves. If
I were appearing before Congress or making a speech at a community meeting,
that's what I would say. But the time and place, at least in my opinion,
cannot be when a CPS worker and two police officers are in my living room,
holding the power to take away my baby if they deem it necessary. It cannot
be when blind parents are ready to take a newborn home from the hospital.
The stakes are too high in those situations, and the power is all stacked in
favor of the social workers. Not to say that they're all uneducated or
ready to rip families apart, because most of them are just trying to do
their jobs as best they can, and at least in Colorado, their priority seems
to be keeping families together even to a fault. What I mean is, we have to
know when there's too much to lose. I told the social worker I had help,
which was true, and left it at that. If that hadn't been good enough, I
would have said whatever I had to say so she would be satisfied and leave
quietly, instead of opening a deeper investigation or deciding she had to
take my child from me. The stand for equality and independence needs to be
taken in the legislature and in the courts if need be, not in the maternity
wards and living rooms of families who have everything to gain by staying
out of the system.
Jo Elizabeth
I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message-----
From: Steve Jacobson
Sent: Tuesday, August 14, 2012 12:53 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Clarification was Re: Involvement of ChildServices
(was introduction, expecting)
Dear list,
There have been a lot of posts on this subject and some have included some
strong opinions. As one who has adopted two kids with both my wife and I
being blind, I'd like to raise some cautions.
First, most situations are more complex than they appear to be on the
surface. I do not mean that they are only complicated because of the blind
people involved. They are also complex because of the
particular agency or social worker involved. It is wrong to say that as I
feel was implied that only blind people with other issues have trouble. We
need very much to try to be as honest with ourselves and with
each other as we can about other issues that could impact how a social
worker might look at us. It hurts us if a social worker is allowed to think
that a particular problem is related to blindness when it is really
due to another issue. Having additional issues besides blindness is still
not a reason for an assumption to be made that a child is unsafe in that
home, but trying to separate out various issues is a good idea.
It is also not helpful for us to assume that any social worker is out to get
us. Red flags are going to be raised about us or about anyone who displays
a hostile or overly suspicious attitude right from the start.
There have been and still are cases when particular social workers make
unfair judgments about our abilities to be parents as blind persons and we
need to be ready for that. In some cases, a social worker will
make judgements but be willing to learn, and we need to watch for those
opportunities as well.
Best regards,
Steve Jacobson
On Mon, 13 Aug 2012 22:22:59 -0500, Robert Shelton wrote:
>Marsha, list. I've been following this thread with great interest, and
>some
>consternation.
>To ground my position, I'm total, and my wife of 42 years is sighted, and
>that alone may disqualify us from this discussion.
>We had four boys in three states (1972, 1975, 1978, 1983) (TX. TX. TN. MI
>respectively), and never got question one from any social worker -- nada --
>zip -- nothing.
>Now this list is a pretty rich sample of experience, and although it
>wouldn't be scientific, it would be interesting to see just how many people
>got inquiries of any kind from social services. It is alarming to me that
>this kind of thing may be even more common today than in the past. As I've
>been given to understand, one of the key missions of NFB was to protect
>parental rights of the blind. I know that the fact that in our case, Mom
>was sighted, may dramatically change the odds that you get questions from a
>social worker, but this just isn't right. We gave our boys a wonderful,
>loving home, but through most of those years, I was a student, and we were
>as poor as churchmice, and looked the part. I'd think that if anyone would
>have rated scrutiny from CPS, it would have been us.
>Another big factor to consider is the fact that there have been, here in
>Texas, a number of high profile cases where CPS dropped the ball tragically
>resulting in death or grave injury to children they should have protected.
>We've had direct knowledge of cases where CPS was called when a kid showed
>up for day care with obvious cigarette burns (how horribly sick is that?)
>and CPS did *nothing*. I understand that CPS is ridiculously overworked
>here in Texas, and the courts just love to give kids back to abusive
>parents
>(saves the state money), but at least within my experience, CPS doesn't ask
>enough questions, or doesn't question the right people, or if they do,
>doesn't act when they need to.
>Sorry about the rambling post, but I'm really interested in how many of the
>parents on this list have been hassled just because they were blind. If
>this isn't fit for the general list, then mail me off-list --
>rshelton1 at gmail.com
>Thanks for listening.
>--Bob
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Marsha Drenth [mailto:marsha.drenth at gmail.com]
>Sent: Sunday, August 12, 2012 12:17 PM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Subject: [blparent] Clarification was Re: Involvement of Child Services
>(was
>introduction, expecting)
>Let me clarify here. Social services does take children away from blind
>parents for no reason other than their disability. Social services,
>lawyers,
>doctors, nurses, custody evaluators, CPS all need to be educated in
>blindness. But I did not mean to imply that no blind parent, or any sighted
>parent would not need help. I do not think any parent who is blind should
>be
>a "super blind parent" just for the gratification of showing that they are
>independent. When our children are born, unfortunately they are not born
>with manuals. And unless a person has hadd experience with children, worked
>with them, or taken classes, a new parent is not going to know everything.
>As our children grow up, we encounter different situations, one particular
>method is not going to work with a child that is 10 compared to when they
>were 2 years old. We learn, we grow in our parenting styles, tools,
>methods,
>experiences. I can't say that a blind parent who is confident will always
>skip around the social services questions. Nor can I say that a blind
>parent who is not confident in their skills willl guarantee questions from
>social services.
>What I am saying is that social services question our abilities purely just
>because we are blind and for no other reason. Its the same way if a parent
>is physical disabled or deaf. Those disabilities just as blindness does not
>prevent us from taking care of our children, although we will need to use
>alternative techniques, just as someone who is deaf, or physically
>disabled.
>Would we say that in the case of the Mikayla baby, that the parents were
>too
>confident? Or that they didn't show enough confidence? or that they would
>not have had help, sighted or blind? Or that they were not capable? They
>were without their baby for months, Why because the social worker was not
>educated.Social services sometimes is going to investigate us, no matter
>how
>well or how bad we as parents are. if they understand, blindness,
>understand
>the alternative techniques we use. If they understand they then have no
>reason to question, our abilities.
>What I am saying is, it doesn't matter why social services, or CPS gets
>involved. its how we go about resolving that parent and child are together,
>there are no gaps in skills, and that the child will be safe and taken care
>of. Its that we educate those professionals involved.
>I know that i never ever want another parent to have to fight to keep their
>children, because social services, DSS, or CPS doesn't think because eyes
>do
>not work, a person can't be a parent.
>your welcome to disagree with me, but real fights do happen out there,
>fights that should have not happened.
>Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone
>On Aug 12, 2012, at 9:46 AM, Bernadetta Pracon
><bernadetta_pracon at samobile.net> wrote:
>> Yep; I had a visiting nurse come as well. They did offer me that service,
>and I took them up on it for the same reasons Peggy did. She was extremely
>helpful. if you're a new parent, you should definitely use that resource if
>it's offered to you. I don't care if you're planning on being super mom and
>doing it all yourself; Any bit of extra insight, advice or help is a good
>thing; don't shun it.
>>
>> Bernadetta
>>
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