[blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was introduction, expecting)

Wed Aug 15 20:15:40 UTC 2012

Honestly, for the first day after I had an urgent C-section, between feeling 
like my insides were falling out, and the drugs, I wouldn't have minded a 
sitter or a companion or whatever.  My boyfriend was there, but we were both 
exhausted from being up as usual on Friday, then laboring from midnight all 
through Saturday, and not getting to sleep till nearly midnight on Saturday 
night.  That whole day was a blur, and the baby was in the nursery more than 
I wanted her to be because I just couldn't get my act together.  A sitter 
might have been able to help me by bringing the baby to me for nursing when 
I was awake and coherent, and putting her in the bassinet when I was out of 
it.  Sometimes a service offered is good, regardless of the motives behind 
it.

Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and 
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message----- 
From: chris Reagan
Sent: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 12:00 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was 
introduction,expecting)

Good afternoon all:
Here's my take on this.  First of all, when we asked for that time, we were
told that we would half to have a sitter without explaination at first as to
why.  That's why we spoke up the way we did.  If they'd said well you need
to have this and had given us a reason as to why, Jodie and I wouldn't have
questioned it.  Doctors sometimes don't think before they speak and that can
also be a down fall for them as well as for us in that regard.  I'll also
admit that we  asked questions  but after jumping the gun, but medical staff
can be so negative sometimes that it's sickening.  I'm basing this on
personal experience.
Just my too sense on all this
Take care all
Chris Reagan
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Bernadetta Pracon
Sent: Tuesday, August 14, 2012 4:03 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blparent] Involvement of Child Services (was introduction,
expecting)

It's interesting that the topic of hospital sitters has come up. I, like
Jodi, was also assigned a sitter or companion or whatever they call it while
I was still in the hospital with my son.
Many of you have raised the question of whether a first-time blind parent is
being discriminated against when given one of those at the hospital. Well,
ok, maybe they're not assigned to everyone. Maybe sighted parents don't get
a sitter. However, the hospital at which I was had a policy that moms who
had had a c section couldn't be left alone with their babies due to the
medication they were on. I had also been put on high magnesium doses because
prior to giving birth to my son, I was diagnosed with mild preclampsia. So
yes, I accepted the room sitter situation without much protest, because
although I was aware that perhaps I was being a little bit singled out, I
felt I had to pick my battles. Here I was, a new mom who had just been
through major abdominal surgery, who had no clue how to take care of a baby,
and who just happened to be blind. For all intents and purposes, I was
pretty vulnerable. In retrospect, I was so out of it at times due to my meds
and the lack of sleep that some of my hospital stay is a bit of a blurr. But
i had the common sense not to argue each and every single thing that was
thrown my way at the hospital. Someone else in my place may have been
huffing and puffing about the idea that having a sitter in the room with mom
and baby is discriminating, but while being caught up in that battle, they
might have made some enemies within the team of hospital staff that was
caring for them. And that gets the ball rolling, so to speak. That's when
the new mom's ability to care for her child comes into question, so on and
so forth. Truth be told, I probably didn't need a sitter with me and my
baby. But maybe I did. I dont' know. There was this time when I was holding
my son and I started to doze off. The lady who was assigned to stay with me
in my room quickly came up to my bed and said she had to take my son and put
him in his bassinette. I didn't think I was sleepy; My meds were playing
tricks on me that day. Maybe if she wasn't there, I might have fallen
asleep, and maybe I would have jerked myself awake in the nick of time, but
who knows, maybe not. Maybe I might  have had a tragedy on my hands if it
hadn't been for that, admittedly unnecessary extra person.
Perhaps I should have been vexed about my privacy being violated. My
boyfriend couldn't stay all three of the nights that I was there, but he did
stay overnight on the last night. We both agreed that having that person
there wasn't really necessary while we were both there, and it did sort of
nag us that perhaps the extra person was sort of infringing on our private
time with our son. But guess what? We were all set to check out with our
baby the next morning. So would it have been worth the argument? Not really.
Not from my standpoint. Not if my ability to take my son home with me would
have been put into question afterword.
My son was not premature, but he was born at 4 pounds and 13 ounces, so due
to his low birth weight, some extra precaution had to be taken.
Now, whether  that was the reason why I had the sitter in the room with me,
or whether it was that i was loopy from the meds, or even whether it was
because I am blind--I'm not sure. The reason probably stemmed from all three
factors. Should I have questioned the hospital more on it or protested it,
maybe, but to this day, I personally don't think so, because I decided that
I'd pick my battles, like I said. My greater concern was that the hospital
staff wouldn't question my ability as a new parent once out of the hospital.
My job was to stay on guard with nurses and social workers, and prove to
them that I could indeed learn what I had to learn to get the job done
adequately. So there was a person there, who was unfamiliar to me who had to
sit in my hospital room. I had just had my vagina and survix prodded by
various doctors and resident students.. Doubt I cared much about my privacy
at that point. My point is, it was just an extra precaution, but it wasn't
so invasive that I had to make a fuss about it. So I chose to leave it
alone, and in my oppinion, all turned out well. I chose to educate the
ignorant, learn what I had to learn, and left well enough alone. That
ensured that I wasn't over confident, and in turn, that I got to go home
with my son without a hitch. I think Jodi is right. Whether we like it or
not, as blind parents, we are going to be scrutinized. We are going to have
to prove to those less educated about us that we can do it, because they,
unfortunately, are employed to care for children's best interests. So yes,
we can fight our battles and educate people, but we still have to  accept
that there will always be those to whom we have to prove our abilities. And
the more we accept that with grace, wisdom and confidence, the better it
will be for us and our children.
There's a time and place for everything in my oppinion, and there's a time
and place where it's appropriate for us to pick our battles. If I had been a
seasoned parent who had gone through natural labor and wasn't under the
influence of a couple of prescription drugs, I might have faught the idea of
a sitter in my room more fervently. But this means that I'd have been able
to change my new baby with confidence right from the start, feed him without
any issues, and so on. And I would have been able to show that to the
hospital personell. So different circumstances call for different measures.
In my case, the person who was assigned to my room during the day ended up
being a major asset. She was a sweet elderly lady named Gladys. She kept me
company, took care of my boy when I needed to sleep, and she observed my
boyfriend as he fed and changed our son, while  patiently giving him
pointers. She was also one of the people who vouched for my confidence and
abilities, not only as a person who is blind, but as a new mother. I was
coming along in my new set of skills, and she, as someone who's job it was
to hang out with me, saw that firsthand, and I doubt she would have sat by
quietly as some nurse or careless social worker wrote nonsense in my charts
that could potentially result in my son being taken by the state.

Bernadetta

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