[blparent] a new member

[Jennifer Jackson]

Carol,

You have had some good answers to this from the point of view of blindness.
I am going to address more the relationship issue. I just spent a couple of
days with my mother-in-law with whom I have a difficult relationship. Her
two other d-i-l's have the same kind issues with her. I highly recommend
that you do not address her with this directly. You need to speak to your
son about any problems and push him to treat you fairly. It is his place to
stand up for you in this relationship. Do not let him avoid responsibility
for this decision by just blaming her. He is an equal parent, not some
helpless sidekick

.It is not uncommon for new mothers to grant their own mothers far more
access to the baby than they will an in-law. Yours is being complicated by
the blindness issue because it is one she can justify to herself and that
has probably been reinforced by well meaning friends and family who do not
know you or anything about being blind. Unfortunately in relation to this
issue of discrimination and restriction of privileges, she has the most
power in this situation.

Please do not think that I am saying it is right for her to treat you this
way. As the mother of sons I know that my future relationships with my
grandchildren will be controlled by women I can only hope to have good and
trusting relationships with. Every time I am with my own m-i-l I have to
bite my tongue and remind myself that I am setting an example to my sons
about the respect that a daughter-in-law should give to her husbands mother.
Which is not to say that I have always been the good guy in our conflicts.

I wish you much luck with working out this difficult situation.


Jennifer
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Carol Schnip
Sent: Saturday, December 31, 2011 6:12 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] a new member

Hi everyone,

I to am a new member. I joined a month or so back just have been leerking 
debating on how I can ask for some advice. I have a son who just had their 
first baby in July. His wife does not want  my feancee and I to watch the 
baby. Due to us being both totally blind. She knows that I raised my own son

by myself since my husband walked out after I became blind. But so many 
persons just tell me that this is her first baby and she will get over it. I

dont think so. She even wants me to prove to her by showing her how I would 
feed and diaper my grandson. This has really hit me hard that she would do 
this to me. I want to talk about it with them, but I am trying not to get 
upset and rejected. Her mother gets to keep the baby over the weekend but I 
am not allowed to do so. I can visit him when they are around but that is 
all she will let me do. She would not even allow me to watch him for just 
three or four hours while she took my feancee to school.
I was looking forward to being a grandma but I feel like she has taken that 
chance away from me.
The way I feel I should not have to prove to family that I can do things. 
But if I have to I will. It is just making me lose respect in her due to 
this.
Trying not to cry when I think about it.
Carol 


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