[blparent] Ryan Knighton's Book

Mon Jan 2 16:41:03 UTC 2012

Jo Elizabeth,

My comments about the reviews were meant to be general ones since positive reviews can sometimes mask the 
underlying problems.  I didn't mean to appear to be critical of you copying the reviews if that is how it seemed.  It is 
good for people to know how he is perceived by the public and even that he may not be all good or bad.  Your point 
that some of his image is tied to that often held about fathers is also a valid one.  

In considering how to respond, I try to ask myself what it is that bothered me about what I heard.  There is certainly an 
element of insecurity that manifests itself by me not wanting to show any shortcoming as a blind parent.  I also think 
that we have to recognize that we don't all have the same abilities as parents, so it is important to try to understand 
what it is that is upsetting about this.  To even further, we need to accept that he likely doesn't know why we might 
feel upset and may even be unaware of how he might have handled some of what he writes about more effectively.  
All of this makes responding difficult and something that needs to be done with some care.  Part of the reason I wrote 
about this originally was because I did feel upset by what I heard, but I also wanted to stimulate some discussion as 
well.  How do we show that we are parents who can admit that we have some special challenges without reinforcing 
some of the stereotypes that make social agencies feel we can't be good parents?

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Sun, 1 Jan 2012 21:28:40 -0700, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:

>Steve, I simply copied the reviews from the book cover at Amazon.com.  I 
>wouldn't call ineptitude heartwarming, although it is still sadly quite 
>popular in the media to make all fathers out to be hopeless when it comes to 
>caring for babies and children, even if they aren't blind.  A good example 
>is a plot I saw on Olivia the other day in which the father left one of his 
>three children at the grocery store by mistake, and requested that next 
>time, his wife put the children on the list of things he should bring home 
>from the supermarket.

>In answer to your question, I really don't have positive or negative 
>feelings about Ryan Nighton's work in general because this is the first I've 
>ever heard of him.  My concern is that making himself out to be incompetent, 
>whether for the sake of humor or realism, will put a seed in the minds of 
>his readers about the so-called dangers that all blind parents face.

>Jo Elizabeth

>"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, 
>compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of 
>the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of 
>these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist

>--------------------------------------------------
>From: "Steve Jacobson" <steve.jacobson at visi.com>
>Sent: Sunday, January 01, 2012 8:25 PM
>To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Ryan Knighton's Book

>> Jo Elizabeth,
>>
>> I'm not certain how you feel about all this from your note, but one thing 
>> I'd like to be clear about is that I do not know
>> the whole of his work to know how representative what I heard was of his 
>> work in general.  Some of the descriptions I
>> read make me think that some of his characteristics are characteristics I 
>> would like.  However, I must say that I am
>> skeptical of the reviews in your note because it has been my experience 
>> that the public tends to feel that sharing our
>> exaggerated failings is heart-warming and represents honesty.  Those of us 
>> who try to represent what we do has being
>> everyday life are often seen as thinking that we have to be supermen or 
>> something.  One of the paragraphs you
>> included reads as follows:  "Knighton writes of his failures at 
>> diaper-changing and baby-minding. After a heavy
>> snowfall, Knighton loses his daughter while they are playing outside and 
>> there is a sense of panic that infects the
>> reader until they are reunited. More tales of near-disaster, or even 
>> near-death, are included. The toughest time for
>> Knighton is trying to care for Tess while she is a baby. It gets easier 
>> for him when she is a toddler since she, even at
>> the age of two, can walk and see and lead her father around."  This 
>> paragraph gets at what came across to me in the
>> interview, and I find it depressing and very sad.  There are those who 
>> believe we want kids to have little ones to lead
>> us about and to read for us free of charge when they get older.  We had to 
>> overcome thinking like this with our
>> adoption agency, and I just don't see some of his contributions as helpful 
>> at all but rather as making money at our
>> expense.  We all have had funny experiences and accidents that we would 
>> probably rather not share with others, but
>> his portrayals, as Angie said, make one feel he is lucky to survive.  This 
>> just blew me away yesterday.
>>
>> By the way, it turned out that the segment that I heard came from a CBC 
>> program originally, so it must have had some
>> air time in Canada as well.  Suggesting that another segment be run on 
>> blind parenting is a good idea.
>>
>> Best regards,
>>
>> Steve Jacobson
>>
>> On Sun, 1 Jan 2012 18:19:00 -0700, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>>
>>>Knighton writes of his failures at diaper-changing and baby-minding. After 
>>>a heavy snowfall, Knighton loses his
>> daughter while they are playing outside and there is a sense of panic that 
>> infects the reader until they are reunited.
>> More tales of near-disaster, or even near-death, are included. The 
>> toughest time for Knighton is trying to care for Tess
>> while she is a baby. It gets easier for him when she is a toddler since 
>> she, even at the age of two, can walk and see
>> and lead her father around.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> blparent mailing list
>> blparent at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
>> blparent:
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/jopinto%40msn.com
>> 

>_______________________________________________
>blparent mailing list
>blparent at nfbnet.org
>http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for blparent:
>http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/steve.jacobson%40visi.com