[blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

Thu Jun 7 02:57:29 UTC 2012

Before you take your curiosity out in public again, please get it groomed 
and be sure its rabies shots are current.

Jo Elizabeth

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a 
song."  Maya Angelou

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 6:38 PM
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

> first off, I know what my history is and I am very public. I really don't 
> care who knows what or says what, because if you look hard enough the 
> majority of my life is viewable online. On Purpose! I live life very 
> publicly so your threats of me being careful are laim.
>
> secondly it was not to cause trouble, just simply after reading it all 
> day, my curiosity had to be answered. thats all.
> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
> Website: http://thebt.net
>
> On Jun 6, 2012, at 10:54 AM, Jennifer Jackson wrote:
>
>> Gabe,
>>
>> As Jo Elizabeth started off talking about just wanting this boy to pick 
>> up
>> after himself, where are you coming from on this message? Once again I am
>> left with the distinct impression that you just posted this to start
>> trouble, rather than trying to contribute to the conversation.
>>
>> Please try to stop doing this. How would you like it if some of us 
>> started
>> making some personal attacks related to your work and relationship 
>> history?
>> The blind community is a small one, so please do not think I do not know
>> personal stuff about you.
>>
>>
>> Jennifer
>> you
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Gabe Vega
>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 4:26 PM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>
>> this is probably going to ruffle some feathers, but, if you don't work 8
>> hours a day like husband does, what is wrong with you being the house
>> cleaner? I mean, you want to step son to put his share in but what about
>> you. since your husband brings in the income, and I am not counting SSI 
>> as
>> income, its a welfare check. then why aren't you expected to clean up 
>> around
>> the house. irrelevant to the step son helping out or not?
>> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
>> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
>> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
>> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
>> Website: http://thebt.net
>>
>> On Jun 6, 2012, at 2:20 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>>
>>> I did try that with the skateboard, and I also have it set up for us to 
>>> go
>> to the zoo on Friday.  And probably an amusement park later in the 
>> summer. I
>> do want to have fun and positive memories, and not just be the evil
>> stepmother who nags about stuff all the time, but there's a fine line I'm
>> struggling with between keeping harmony in the home by being the 
>> involuntary
>> maid and housekeeper, which makes me angry and resentful, and trying to 
>> get
>> both my stepson and his dad to see that helping out a bit would be better
>> for us all.
>>>
>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>
>>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a
>> song."  Maya Angelou
>>>
>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>> From: "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com>
>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 3:08 PM
>>> To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>
>>>> I agree entirely with Bernadetta's post.  You have to have order in the
>> home
>>>> but the last thing you need is to become the evil step mother while the
>>>> biological parents aren't reinforcing the rules along with you.  To go
>> more
>>>> into depth with what I mentioned in my first post, something you might
>>>> consider trying is to sit down with your step-son and talk to him about
>> what
>>>> he feels would be reasonable and fair to do around the home to help-out
>> the
>>>> family and what punishments he also feels would fit the crime so to
>> speak.
>>>> You'll have to go back and forth in conversation to agree on things but
>> this
>>>> might help him feel a sense of control in the situation and treated 
>>>> like
>> an
>>>> adult in a lot of ways which I believe he'll really respect you for.
>> Speak
>>>> to him from your heart and explain why you'd like to see certain things
>> done
>>>> and how much it means to you when he does help out.  This young lad is
>>>> hurting inside as are all children of broken homes so just try to keep
>>>> loving him with all your might while keeping communication lines open 
>>>> and
>>>> enforcing rules.  If the you know what hits the fan, simply stop, sit
>> down
>>>> and continue having dialog with the boy to let him know how his actions
>> are
>>>> effecting the balance of the home.  When he does good make an extra 
>>>> point
>> to
>>>> praise him with hugs and positive words and an occasional material 
>>>> treat
>> but
>>>> try to avoid rewarding him mostly with material treats because that 
>>>> just
>>>> keeps him focusing on himself and what he wants thus negatively 
>>>> effecting
>>>> his motives for doing the right thing in the first place. I hope this
>> helps.
>>>>
>>>> Erin
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] 
>>>> On
>>>> Behalf Of Bernadetta Pracon
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 12:14 PM
>>>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>>
>>>> Hi everyone,
>>>> Ok, maybe it's not necessarily my place to comment on this thread 
>>>> because
>> I
>>>> only have a baby, therefore not as much experience with parenting as 
>>>> most
>> of
>>>> you, and I do not have any stepchildren. However, I've been following
>> this
>>>> thread because I found the predicament interesting.
>>>> I definitely feel for you Jo; You have a way of life, an order of 
>>>> things,
>>>> and it's unfortunate that a son you hadn't raised yourself has trouble
>>>> following your rules. From your posts on this listserve, it seems that
>>>> you're a great parent and that Sarah will grow up to be a calm,
>> responsible,
>>>> kind person.
>>>> Here's my two cents on the issue: I think that what Rebecca suggested 
>>>> is
>>>> well-intended, but probably a bit too harsh. I understand that a 
>>>> teenager
>>>> needs to learn how to be an adult, must take responsibility, etc. But
>>>> perhaps punishing with food, or lack there of rather, is not the way to
>> go.
>>>> It's not horrible perSey, but all the same, you don't want to make him
>> feel
>>>> like he's unwelcome at your home, especially since he is your husbands
>> son
>>>> and your daughter's big brother. Perhaps the "no meal" punishment would
>> be
>>>> acceptable if the child was only yours to raise, meaning that he had no
>>>> outside parental influence besides yourself and your husband, but let's
>> face
>>>> it--The boy has what he probably refers to as his real mom, and that
>> person
>>>> isn't you. Maybe I'm not wording this properly, but my point is that
>> whether
>>>> we like to realize it or not, there are always some unspoken rules 
>>>> about
>> the
>>>> boundaries of a stepparent versus a natural parent, if not in the minds
>> of
>>>> the adults, than in that of the children's at least. Perhaps there are
>>>> situations where a stepparent is more influencial, more involved than 
>>>> the
>>>> real parents, and it's always good to teach a young person valuable 
>>>> life
>>>> lessons. But my reasoning is, if you go behind your husband's back and
>>>> refuse to serve his son a meal because he ignored you, no matter how
>> calmly
>>>> it's done, I can't really see a good outcome.
>>>> He'll tell his mother that Jo doesn't feed him when he's there, the mom
>> will
>>>> no doubt have a word with dad about it, who will in turn be a bit 
>>>> miffed
>> at
>>>> Jo for her eforts, even though they were well intended. Step children 
>>>> are
>> a
>>>> tricky situation sometimes. I know because I was  raised by a single 
>>>> mom
>> who
>>>> dated and was engaged once, then married. My stepfather was a great guy
>> in
>>>> theory, but he was also the man who contributed to some changes during 
>>>> my
>>>> childhood that I didnt'
>>>> necessarily welcome back then. In retrospect, he did a wonderful job in
>>>> trying to be a parent, but there were times when he tried to enforce
>> rules
>>>> that my mom didn't necessarily agree with, and I resented him for that
>>>> because I felt he wasn't my real parent, and if my mom said that
>> something
>>>> was ok then it should have been ok. That way of thinking is obviously 
>>>> not
>>>> very fair to the stepparent, I realize that now; I'm just trying to 
>>>> bring
>>>> forth the mind set of a child in that situation.
>>>> My point in this long-winded ramble is that perhaps there are more
>> proactive
>>>> ways to teach this boy his responsibilities than to deprive him of a 
>>>> meal
>> or
>>>> something to that effect. I don't think it would benefit anyone if Jo 
>>>> was
>> to
>>>> be seen as the evil stepmom, something she certainly isn't. Try to
>> resolve
>>>> this issue in such a way that would avoid conflict between yourself, 
>>>> your
>>>> husband, and his son's mother.
>>>> You say, jo, that the kid is a good boy for the most part; Maybe
>> resorting
>>>> to such consequences might not be necessary.
>>>>
>>>> Just my two cents, for what it's worth.
>>>>
>>>> Bernadetta.
>>>>
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