[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

[Bernadetta Pracon]

Hi guys,
Actually, this is very much blindness related. Perhaps not every blind 
parent faces this sort of thing, but I have found this going on in my 
own family. It's been on my mind more and more lately--In my case, it's 
my mother who's trying to take over with my six-month-old son.
Like most new parents, I let my mom help me with Gabriel from time to 
time--What new mommy doesn't do that if her mom lives near by. Grandma 
absolutely adores her new grandson and she is helpful when I'm in a 
crunch with work... But she's way too pushy, and she tries to take 
charge of my son, especially when we're out together or at a family function.
Yesterday, my younger cousin had a birthday party, which was a family 
function. We were all their--My mom, my son, my son's dad and I. When 
it came time to feed Gabriel, I got up to mix his rice cereal (he's 
eating solids on a regular basis now). When I reached for his little 
bowl, without warning, my mom reached over from behind me and snatched 
the bowl and cereal box from my hands and proceeded to mix the food for 
him. I was irritated, obviously so I protested and asked her why she 
did that. She said, "Because you don't give him enough food. Plus 
you're not going to feed him because he's in his nice party clothes and 
you're going to get him dirty. And I don't want people staring at you 
while you're feeding him because they've never seen a blind person feed 
a baby.".
Now, just to get something streight, my mom's idea of enough food is a 
bowl and a half of rice cereal. For a six month old... right.   Well. 
Imagine how furious I got at that. But I didnt' want to cause a huge 
scene right there, so I told her a few choice words, and then took her 
aside later and let her have it.
I told her that he's my kid and I make the rules, and that she should 
never forget her place as the grandmother, instead of the mother, 
again. She just laughed it off. And then, to make it worse, some people 
overheard and said, "right. As if she never had kids of her own. You've 
had a kid for six months, she's been a parent for twenty-two years. 
What makes you think you're right." I explained as calmly as I could 
that every parent has the right to make specific rules for their 
children, and that each person has a different parenting style. I don't 
agree with a lot of what my mom thinks is ok parenting.
She's an adopted mom to my youngest cousin, and that kid is spoiled, 
does not have any manners whatsoever, and does poorly in school. My mom 
has a tendency to enable kids as much as she can before she reaches the 
breaking point and then yells at them. And I'm not at all interested in 
that style of parenting.
I'd like my son to have a relationship with his grandma as well as the 
rest of my family, and I'd like to keep the peace here. But it'll be 
difficult for me to trust her alone with the child if she undermines my 
rules and mocks my parenting style. She thinks that some of my methods 
that I want to implement with my son are rediculous--For instance, I 
want to introduce solid vegetables first, before I introduce solid 
fruits to him so that he will actually develop an affinity for 
vegetables instead of all sweet things. She thinks it's rediculous that 
I don't want my kid to be left alone to sleep on an adult-size bed 
without barriers, even though he's learning how to crawl and is 
becoming very mobile.
I know I'm on a bit of a rant in this message, but I am positive that 
if I wasn't blind, I would have more authority over him in my mom's 
eyes. She obviously understands that I can take care of him because I'm 
with him  24/7, and she's not around everyday--just once or twice a 
week, but when she is around, she annoys the crap out of me by trying 
to take charge. I apreciate some advice she gives me, but other than 
that, it's World War Three with her when it comes to my son.
So jo elizabeth, I think you were right in standing your ground. It's 
your kid, your rules, you raise her the way you think is best. And by 
the way, judging from your posts on this list, I'd say you're raising 
your daughter to be a smart, self-sufficient wise kid. Good going.

Sorry for the rant, guys.

Bernadetta