[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

[Jo Elizabeth Pinto]

Bernadetta, thank you.  I think you summed up the problem really well.  It's 
not that I'm afraid of conflict at all, or afraid to tell people to stay 
away from my daughter and me if I feel their relationship with us is toxic. 
I've done it with my parents and siblings.  Until they can treat me like a 
competent adult and a legitimate parent, they won't be involved in my 
daughter's life.  And it looks like that stand may be permanent.  But I 
don't want to show everybody the door if I don't have to, and frankly, if I 
got rid of anyone at all who thought at any moment that my blindness could 
ever get in the way of my mothering, my little girl and I would have to move 
to a deserted island and live the rest of our lives in isolation from the 
rest of the human race.  So I'm always trying to find that fine line between 
standing my ground and insisting on respect, and yet not coming off to Nanna 
and anyone nearby as a nut job or a raging jerk.  With the incident over the 
lemon cake, I felt that Nanna overstepped her bounds.  But I wondered if I'd 
been oversensitive about it, so I thought I would ask some other blind 
parents.  I didn't really think I'd get it with both barrels.

Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and 
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message----- 
From: Bernadetta Pracon
Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 10:44 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

Well, Gabe, with respect, it's not always that simple. You tend to see
things in black or white, figuratively speaking of course, but it's not
always that simple. People already tend to have their ignorant
misconceptions about blind people, even if they happen to have a blind
person in their family. So if you cause a scene around a bunch of
people who think they're right and your not not only will you be
incompetent in their eyes, but also a crazy jerk. I stand my ground
regarding my son, but there are limits. I don't want to come across as
a rude, ass, or become a recluse. I want to be treated with respect
just like anyone else. There are times when you can safely say "it's
complicated" and no one knows the ins and outs of a given situation
without being in it themselves.
Once again, I see how my peers and relatives who have brand new babies
are treated, even if they don't know the first thing about being a
responsible parent. They can do goodness knows what with their babies,
and everyone leaves them to it. When I attempt to parent my kid, all
eyes are on me and everyone jumps in with overhelpful intentions.  I am
a competent parent who doesn't let blindness become an obstacle in my
parenting--other people make it an issue, and that's where I run into
problems. So clearly, that is blindness related.
Thanks

Respectfully,

Bernadetta

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