[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

[Veronica Smith]

See what I would of done was not give her the lemon cake.  
Grandparents have to have rules, the same as you and me.  Everytime your daughter goes to her house, she needs to know  what Nana says is the law.  By over riding her decision, is like telling your daughter that what Nana says doesn't matter.
You can do whatever you want in your own house.  Sure she is pushy, what grandma isn't!
I'm sure she doesn't tell you what to do in your own house does she and if she does, you will have to say something like this, Nana, I don't tell you what to do in your house, please don't tell me in mine.
And leave it at that.
Don't spoil your child by giving her everything she wants, nana was right, she did have cake on her plate, she chose to ea the icing, not the cake.
If I were you, I'd call her and tell her, Nana, I shouldn't of overrid yur decision, lets forget what happen and start again.

V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 9:15 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

I know this may not sound blindness related, but it kind of is in a way because my daughter’s adopted Nanna tends to take over a lot instead of letting me be the mom.  She’s been there all of my daughter’s life, knitted her a blanket, kept her overnight, all the things a grandma loves to do.  I love her dearly.  But, frankly, she’s pushy.

There was a situation that happened today while we were at her house for a barbecue.  A bunch of us from church had contributed food.My daughter had eaten a fairly balanced meal, so I wasn’t worried about her nutrition.  When it came time for dessert, she chose to have a piece of carrot cake, which she promptly ate the frosting off of and then lost interest in.  Par for the course.  Then she asked Nanna for some lemon cake.  Lots of us were just having little smidges of each kind, so I was surprised when Nanna said no, there was still cake on her plate.  I could see it if she hadn’t eaten dinner first, but she had, so I thought that was ridiculous.  Trying to keep the mood light, I reached over and took the cake off my daughter’s dish, then said, “Okay, tell Nanna your plate’s clean.”  Nanna still refused to give her the lemon cake.  My daughter started to pitch a fit in true four-year-old fashion, screeching and waving her arms around.  Nanna told her to go sit on the stairs till she was ready to be fit company.  I said no, she’s my daughter and I’m in charge here.  Nanna told me, raising her voice, that we were in her house, so her rules came first.  I said I didn’t appreciate her yelling at me, and that if she wouldn’t serve my daughter a slice of lemon cake, I would do it myself.  I guess Nanna’s husband had gotten his fill by that time because he cut my daughter a slice of cake and gave it to her without saying anything.

I know that situation should ideally not have happened in front of my daughter, but it did.  I’m not looking for anybody to get on my case, but I’m interested in some answers from other blind parents.  Whose rules should have taken precedence?  Is there anything I can do about it now?

Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould _______________________________________________
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