[blparent] Roommates and being a single parent?

[Tammy]

Hi,

Any idea how long it might be before you can move?  If it's going to be a 
month or so I would weigh the positives of asking verses telling your 
roommate to talk to your children in a more appropriate tone.  If you tell 
her to stop she might then tell you that she won't help you anymore with the 
children, and that would make things more challenging for you especially if 
you're not moving for awhile.   But if you maybe just remind her that they 
are children and she needs to watch her tone a bit around them it might not 
sound too bad, and might not ruffle her feathers as much.  If you're going 
to be there awhile though you might just have to suck it up and tell her to 
stop it.  I don't know that there's really a way to do that without a bit of 
a rift although if she's an adult one would think she'd realize that they're 
your children and she needs to take her cues from you, and do as you say 
where they're concerned.  Making comments under her breath isn't appropriate 
for her to do especially when the kids are around, and neither is her 
talking to your oldest with that snotty attitude, 9 year olds have enough of 
an attitude without somebody teaching them more!  Sorry you're having to go 
through this, and I hope it gets better.  God knows you've been through 
enough!

hth

Tammy

-----Original Message----- 
From: Kate McEachern
Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2012 12:56 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] Roommates and being a single parent?

Hi list.



I have been thinking and thinking and have now because of an incident I
walked in on this morning decided to get the lists thoughts on an issue I
have started to have with my roommate.  My roommate has known both my
children for years and had moved to SF to take a job and help me out with
the kids after their Dad fell ill.  Now that I have lost the house we moved
in to an apartment together to help us each save money.  My roommate has
always understood that she is only aloud to repeat to my children what I
have set as a consequence or relay a message I had spoke to her about
earlier in the day sort of like a messenger.  She has been told she is not
to give my kids punishments or handle parenting situations because she feels
she can.  I felt this was cut and dry but I have had a few instentses where
she has overstepped and wanting to live in some sort of peace till me and
the kids move in with Gabe, I would like some thoughts on how to handle this
with out creating a roommate rift.  For the record, I have told Gabe the
basics on this situation but not events so some of this will be news to him
but I think at this point I need to have some unbious thoughts on this and
give him more of an idea of how this affects me and the kids.



Last night my girls were aloud to stay up late because of it being the
weekend.  Tiffy asked to watch TV and my roommate said she was watching
something and would change the channel after the show was over.  The show
ended and Tiffy being three asked again to watch TV. My roommate noticeably
annoyed turned on a random children's channel and walked off to continue
watching TV in the other room.  Later when the girls were bickering not
fighting just being well, little girls, my roommate threatened that if they
didn't stop they would go to bed.  The girls ended there squabble by
deciding to play a video game.  This morning my roommate was mopping the
floor and again Tiffy being three walked by and asked what she was doing.
My roommate annoyed told my three year-old to get out of the room.  Now, yes
Tiffy didn't have to be in the room being mopped, actually she wasn't in the
room she was standing in the door.  It didn't bother me that my roommate
didn't want to give up the TV, or that she wanted Tiffy to stay out of a
room being mopped; I just don't like the tone she is speaking to my children
with.  She has also made snotty comments under her breath about dissitions I
have made with the girls.  One night when the kids just would not sleep I
told both girls they had lost TV and the computer the next day because they
were playing and wouldn't want to get up in the morning.  My roommate
sitting on the couch muttered that "It's not like their going to listen
anyway."  I promptly told her that they may not listen but I was going to
stick to what I said.  I didn't expect them to stop I just gave them the
consequence for not stopping.



My concern is that the level of annoyance my roommate speaks to my children
with seams to be building and there have been times that the girls are doing
nothing and she just gets annoyed.  My room mate at times helps pick my
youngest up from child care and I had my sister-in-law tell me she saw my
roommate with Tiffy and didn't like the way she was speaking to Tiffy.  I
don't think she would hurt the girls, but the annoyed tone has to go,
because my oldest has used this tone towards her sister and once towards me.



So how should I talk about this with my roommate, or is there just nothing I
can do?



Thanks for your thoughts.

Katie

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