[blparent] Please, Please Read: Parenting Questions the Court Will Want Me To Answer: Any Advice?

Fri Apr 19 23:42:43 UTC 2013

This message hits oh, so personally close to home. And the sad thing is, the drama hasn't even began to unroll. Hey, my name is Michael, and I am a completely blind parent of a lively and active Three-year-old little boy named Nicholas, who was born eight weeks early. And, a couple of the things that you wrote in your below postern, struck home with me. First of all, the pointing thing, I do that all the time with my two and one-year-old nephew and niece respectively. I plan to do that with my son as well. In addition, the only thing that I might be able to add to your reasoning, is that if my three-year-old nephew wants a cup of juice for example, and he can't quite reach it on the counter, you will point to it on the counter and say "that". Granted, I with his mom and working on teaching him the words for "a cup of juice please" or some such natures, however in the interim, what I typically do is if I move my hand straightahead of what he is pointing out, and don't typically immediately find something, I will pick him up and tell him "grab it", and he will put his hand on it, and I am quick enough to find his hand and see what he's going for. If it is the glass, I will say hold on, set him down, take the glass up, and hand it to him.
Related to small things on the floor, though it really irritates my cited fiancé I often pace. And to be honest with you, I think this comes from growing up with a lot of babies. What I will do, is drag my feet along the carpets or linoleum, as I am doing stuff on my phone either talking, checking email, etc., and if something feels like it should not be there I will been down, and examine it with my hand. With my nephew and niece, not so much my niece and thus far, but at least my nephew, sometimes I notice she will follow along with me, and pick some stuff up. The older the kids get, in my opinion the Husier things get. Yes, you have to worry about them back talking, and, getting into more trouble, but, at least they can help you.
I wanted to give you a little bit of inspiration, Nicholas is currently involved was shared custody between his mother and I, his mother currently lives in Alaska and I live in Montana. If absolute worst comes to worse, and the most that you could get is partial custody of your child, my suggestion to you and your attorney is to request that the judge requires the father to pick the Child up when it is his turn to visit, and pay for all related expenses, and for you to volunteer to pick the child up from the father's home, and pay for all related expenses. That way, if you have to, you can still be in your child's life, and in a few years all your child to make the decision for herself. This is often what a lot of parents do, and just a suggestion. If you want to talk more about raising a child with a visual impairment, feel free to give me a call or send me a text. Those of you who follow my personal blog, empowering the blind, know that Sunday I fly to Alaska to pick Nicholas up, and will have him for the next couple of months.
Anyways, hope some of my above renting has helped a little bit.
Michael
Want a ripple code? Send me a text, 406-212-8503

Sent from my iPhone

On Apr 19, 2013, at 4:27 PM, "Si" <sieradream at gmail.com> wrote:

> Hey everyone, it's Si. I've been on digest mode for awhile now and have been pretty out of the loop. So if any of the following questions have already been answered, please, please bear with me.
> 
> A Little About My Situation:
> 
> As some of you may remember, I had a little girl in December. Ayla Rose. (Side Note: Breast feeding was finally worked out and we're seasoned pros at it now.)
> 
> Anyway, I'll cut to the chase. Her father is fighting me for primary custody. We were never married or anything like that, so that particular stresser isn't a factor. He lives out of state, which is why shared custody won't work.
> 
> He's basing my quote-unquote "incompetence" largely on the fact that I am blind.
> 
> This leads me to the following questions. I have ideas for answers, but I'd like all the advice and suggestions you all can give me from your personal experience. My lawyer wants me to gather all the ammo I can with these questions, not because I'm incompetent. I have professionals working with me who can vouch for that. But because I want to have all these answers ready when the "How will you do this?" questions come flying at me in the upcoming depositions. Which are the 29th, so any advice before then will be really, really, really appreciated.
> 
> Questions:
> 
> I'll put down the question, then I'll put down my own answers so you guys know what I'm thinking. Please feel free to add to my answers with any and all advice.
> 
> Please forgive me if these come off as biased. I'm blind too, so I mean no insult. I know our safety precautions are much the same as those of sighted parents, but let's face it, some things are different and those are the things I need to focus on.
> 
> Q: What were some of the blindness-related safety precautions you took when your little one began to crawl / walk?
> 
> A: When Ayla begins to be mobile, I plan on attaching bells to her shoes and clothing. I also plan on attaching a child locater to her so that if I don't hear her moving, I can hit a button and locate her.
> 
> I have also started to baby proof my home like any other sighted parent.
> 
> I don't keep dangerous objects on a level which she can get to.
> 
> I don't have a lot of extra items such as knick-knacks, lamps, end tables, etc that she can grab hold of and pull down on herself.
> 
> I search the floor on my hands and knees for any small objects that may have fallen and that could provide a choking hazard.
> 
> Q: How did you teach your child his or her colors?
> This is another reason he's claiming I'm unfit. He claims I won't be able to teach Ayla her colors.
> 
> A: Seedlings provides many print-braille books that have both a picture of a specific color or object that bears the color and the braille captioning so that I will know what object and color is being shown. I can teach Ayla her colors with the following:
> Seedlings color books
> Real life objects such as a red tomato, yellow banana, orange carrot or green apple.
> 
> I can purchase toys such as plastic fruit, plastic blocks, etc and label the different colors in braille.
> 
> I can create a fabric color book that will not only teach her texture, but colors as well. This book can also be labeled in braille.
> 
> How did you teach your child that pointing at objects and saying "What's that?" don't work for you?
> This question is something specific the father wrote down. He feels it's detremental to Ayla for me to raise her because when she points at something and says "What's that?" I won't be able to answer.
> 
> A: Children know what they are taught. They also mimick what they observe. As she grows, Ayla will observe that pointing at objects holds no meaning for me. Even now, when I talk to her and teach her what objects are, I put my hand on the object, say the name, then put her hand on the object and repeat its name. This will teach her that in order to show mommy something, I need to be touching it.
> 
> Granted, I know this won't work for absolutely everything, so any suggestions here will really, really help.
> 
> Q: How do you know when the baby has a bruise or abbrasion? How do you treat the area without being able to see it?
> 
> Q: How would you respond in an emergency?
> 
> A: Same as anyone else. 911 then CPR or whatever a first aid class says to do. I'll be registering for one shortly.
> 
> Q: Are there any special devices or adaptive technology you use to make caring for your child easier? If you guys can provide any links, that would be so awesome.
> 
> Q: How do you measure your child's liquid medicine when they are ill?
> 
> A: I have a standard syringe that has been marked in both CC's as well as teaspoons. Any other methods would be appreciated though.
> 
> This is all I can think of for now. If I didn't address anything and you guys think it's important, please let me know. I'm open to any and all advice.
> 
> Yours,
> Si
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