[Faith-talk] FW: [URCTCPrayerGroup2] How to Survive Verbal Abuse

[Eric Calhoun]

Original Message: 
From: Donna Kiser <kiserdonna5 at gmail.com>
To: URCTCPrayerGroup2 at yahoogroups.com
Subject: [URCTCPrayerGroup2] How to Survive Verbal Abuse
Date: 
Tue, 9 Aug 2011 16:46:17 -0400

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How to Survive Verbal Abuse
by Dr. Larry Ollison

Your words contain power. According to the Bible the words you speak can
produce life or bring death. Our words can create and they can destroy.
What
we say is vitally important.

Unfortunately, during times of disagreement words are used as the weapon
to
cut the opponent's heart. Psalm 64:3 talks about those who sharpen their
tongues like a sword. It goes on to say that they shoot their words like
arrows and their arrows are bitter words. They shoot in secret at the
blameless without any fear.

Once I counseled someone who had been verbally abused by their spouse for
years. With every disagreement in the home, she used her tongue to cut,
pierce, and stab his heart. After a period of years of receiving this
verbal
abuse, he had withdrawn from their relationship and would rarely have
intimate conversation. Why? He knew that with any disagreement of any
kind,
his spouse would draw her sword and begin to cut. And with her cutting he
would withdraw into his shell of protection. He said that each time the
abuse began, he would feel paralyzed and unable to respond verbally
knowing
that however he responded, it would be wrong.

No one should have to live with verbal abuse. Throughout the years I have
spoken to the abuser through my books and articles and I have told them to
stop. But what about the one who is the abused and living with someone who
will not stop. What is the answer? How do you deal with a verbally abusing
person living in your house?

Verbally abusive people will have no understanding of what I am talking
about, but those who are being abused will understand very clearly.
There are spouses who do not hit, beat, push or physically abuse and can
be
very nice people. But under certain circumstances something seems to snap
inside of them and they become hurtful, mean, selfish, angry, and
destructive with their mouths. The abuser needs help and must repent, but
what about the one being abused? How can they shield their heart from the
arrows coming from within their own household?

The Bible gives us the plan for victory and regardless of what is going
on
in somebody else, you have authority over your own soul. Here are some
Bible
based steps to take.

1. Base your identity in Christ and not someone else.
Know who you are in Christ. As a Christian, you are the blessed, the
redeemed, loved, complete, restored, and joint heir with Christ.
2. Speak out loud the words that God says about you.
Words of cursing must be replaced with words of blessing, even if you
have
to do it yourself. The words you speak over yourself are more powerful
than
the words someone else speaks over you. Do not receive the abusive words
as
truth. Remember anything spoken against you that opposes what God says
about
you is not true. Every word you hear creates an image in your thought
realm.
The Bible says to cast down any imagination that exalts itself against
the
knowledge of God. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
3. Do not hate the abuser.
The person speaking the evil words against you is only the conduit that
the
enemy is using to get to you. Once when Peter spoke to Jesus, Jesus did
not
rebuke Peter, He rebuked the source, Satan. "But He turned and said to
Peter, "Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not
mindful of the things of God, but the things of men." (Matthew 16:23)
Jesus
saw the value in Peter and gave him opportunity to repent.
4. Don't carry the lying words with you and meditate on them.
If you do, your heart will never heal and you will continually be opening
a
wound and playing into the enemy's hands. Medicate the wound with the oil
of
forgiveness, bandage (cover) it with the Word, and quit scratching it.
Don't
remove the bandage to examine the wound. Let it heal.
You shall be hidden from the scourge of the tongue, And you shall not be
afraid of destruction when it comes. (Job 5:21)
5. Do not return abuse for abuse.

It's easy to become defensive and throw stones at the one throwing stones
at
you. This only escalates the problem and is never a solution. "Repay no
one
evil for evil . . ." (Romans 12:17) Understand this. Verbally abusive
people
are usually people who have been verbally abused themselves. Hurting
people
hurt people and they usually hurt the ones closest to them. Sometimes
it's
because they know you love them so much that you will take the abuse and
never leave. You become their release valve. That may be a reason for the
abuse, but it's no excuse for abuse.
If the abuse doesn't stop, you must not allow the lying words of the
enemy
to destroy you. Grace is God's willingness and His ability to empower you
to
overcome anything that comes against you. And God's grace is available
for
every Christian. If abuse comes at you as a Category 5 storm, God will
empower you with Category 6 grace. Because the truth is under all
circumstances, greater is He that is in you than the attack that comes
from
the world, or from the mouth of a friend.
So what I am saying is this. You may not be able to get away from the
abusive person, but through love, forgiveness, and grace you can keep the
abuse from getting inside of you and you can walk tall with joy in your
heart, living your life in peace and victory in spite of the storm that
may
be going on around you.
God has a plan for your life and His plan does not include abuse or
defeat.
His plan is victory and peace. God does not want you to simply survive
verbal abuse, but to have victory over it. Don't allow the words of
someone
else to dictate the joy and happiness within your own heart.
Don't allow the words of someone else to take you to a place of
withdrawal
or depression. Stand firm, stand up, and hold your shield of faith. It
will
quench all the fiery darts from the enemy. Your belief in what God says
will
override what anyone else says. And the strength of God's words will add
strength to you.

[image: Donna - Bskt Kitties.gif]

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All rights reserved. Used by permission.
This article may be reproduced for teaching purposes but not for
commercial
resale
When writing about this devotional, refer to devotional #0498

Larry Ollison Ministries <http://www.larryollison.com/> PO Box 880, Osage
Beach, MO 65065 USA
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-- 
*Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with
good. Romans 12:21*