[nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

[Beth]

I like all these ideas.
Beth

On 11/2/08, Carrie Gilmer <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com> wrote:
> The whole social skills and etiquette thing is such an important area that a
> well-known leader of ours in the area of vocational rehabilitation, Jim
> Omvig, has said it is the crucial fourth ingredient needed for success-or
> truly being capable of integrating.
>
> I have met college graduates, who have been employed in good jobs, eat with
> such horrible manners that one can barley stand to sit at the same table.
> Now they got the job because you don't have to eat in an interview, but I
> totally believe that it would affect things among co-workers or clients and
> make them lose respect for the un-mannered person if they ever went out to
> eat together. Another example to think of, recently I read a parent post who
> spoke of how wonderful it was that their child was so liked--absolutely
> everyone fought over helping the child. Well that child has no friends in
> reality, only caretakers. There is no equal and true friendship possible
> here. When one gets the feeling of superiority because of always needing to
> help another-viewing the other as equal doesn't happen. This child is being
> set up for a very hard time. I also know people who were lazy and not used
> to getting places on time or being self-organized because no one ever
> expected those things of them.
>
> I want to point out though that this kind of lack of social and business
> etiquette happens to sighted kids too. There are people who were raised with
> no values on these things. There are also people I have known, sighted and
> blind, who taught themselves and came to value etiquette despite not having
> been raised that way. There is no sense in discussing whether etiquette is
> fair or moral as a measure--it definitely is. I tend to think this way about
> it. Take nose picking as a fun example. I knew sighted and bind kids who
> picked their noses in public--or in view of others--at age ten. If so it is
> I say, 80% their parents fault (meaning mostly) and 20% their own fault. If
> they do it at age twenty five the percentage of responsibility is reversed.
> If they do it at age thirty, it is all on them.
>
> I agree that this covers a very very broad area. You might want to address
> it as social and business etiquette, using etiquette rather than skill. And
> I want to point out that it really has less to do with blindness, I believe,
> than opportunity and parents and teachers failing the child early on and the
> student failing to take personal responsibility as they come to adulthood.
> My parents didn't teach me about money as I said earlier, that and many
> other things I had to teach myself. Sure it made some things harder in the
> beginning, but now at age 49 if I am not wise with my money can I say it is
> my parents or teachers fault? No. I went to every prom and homecoming--it
> had no bearing on the outcome of my life. I am sure if we had one, studies
> would show that it is not a sole predictor of successful outcomes in life.
>
> I think it is very relevant for students to think of as important because of
> the importance of it in employment outcomes as well as adding to a socially
> happy time of it. Take Dr. Jernigan as an example. He was raised on a farm
> in Tennessee, and with manners, but the family was not highly educated or
> worldly, Dr. Jernigan taught himself and read extensively and found mentors
> to teach him, and became to have superior social graces and the capability
> of speaking and acting with senators, and governors, and presidents, and
> heads of large companies with grace and confidence. Books on etiquette
> abound, you can google manners, one can self teach and self improve--maybe
> what you can do on your web site is place the expectation there and let
> blind high school-ers know they have the same capability and responsibility
> as everyone else and it will definitely affect their life and employment
> capability.
>
>  Well I got long thinking and winded again...don't worry I will be too busy
> to write anything more for awhile, smile.
>
> Carrie Gilmer, President
> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
> A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
> NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
> Home Phone: 763-784-8590
> carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
> www.nfb.org/nopbc
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Sarah Jevnikar
> Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 10:43 PM
> To: 'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative
>
> Just a thought - since socialization is such a huge part of everything we'll
> do (including self-advocacy) - would it be possible to have a special
> socialization fact sheet? Having "good social skills" is such a broad topic.
> What do you guys think?
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Beth
> Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 3:44 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative
>
> I second all you said, Carey.  I think I'm a horrible cook, and I
> don't know anything much about health insurance.  adly, I don't think
> I had the courage and motivation to sneak out in my mom's kitchen and
> burn the meat.  It wasn't my food anyway.  But I agree that all the
> ideals in the way of skills should be minimals, but there's more to it
> than that.  We should add social readiness skills to that list.  I
> never went to prom or homecoming or made it to homecoming court
> because my social skills were below C level.  I mean, below sea level.
> (smile)  I've never really thought that here at FSU there would be
> more doors opening for me and blind people around to tell me this.  My
> ex-friend, and I mean EX friend told me that certain things just
> weren't socially appropriate.  But I'm sure that he'll probably learn
> that I never meant what I said.  I've been through all the normal
> social things, but I felt like a complete outcast in school because o
> a. my blindness and b. the psychological social things that nobody
> figured out until it was too late and my rep was ruined.
> Beth
>
>
>
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