[nabs-l] friends

Tue Nov 4 05:33:08 UTC 2008

Yeah for sure. I still struggle with athletics. It's a tough one - I'll
think on it and see what I come up with.

-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Heather Rasmussen
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2008 10:10 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] freinds

> Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2008 16:09:09 -0800> From: harryhogue at yahoo.com> To:
nabs-l at nfbnet.org> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] freinds> > Great topic, guys.  I
have never had really close friends, either.  Een in college, I neer
developed close relationships--more like people I talk to during class, etc.
Part of that is my personality--I get really quiet in a group and jsut
naturally prefer to be in a smaller group of people (like one or two ther
people).  I have joined the chess club--yes I am a nerd lol--and really like
it, and get along great with those folks.  I go to the Spanish table once a
weekand do other things--so I make a concerted effort.  It is good to know
that I am not the only blind perso nthat suffers from these feelings.>  > I
would loe to get out there and be able to play soccer--the real thing, not
some weird modified ersion with sighted people helping.  Does anyone else
feel this way?  If this is better addressed either off list or on the sports
and rec list, that's fine.  Just thinking of extracurricular  activities
that I would like to participate in but can't.  Soemthign we don't really
say--but when we say that people can participate equally--I don't know that
it is entirely true when it comes to sports.  Granted I've never done it the
way they migh suggest, but bowling... I see no way of a totally blind person
to bowl and get the same experience out of it with out sighted help that
diminishes the experience; likewise, beep baseball and the other adapted
sports.  Dont' mean to go off on something I don't know much about, but I
think it does fit in well with our discussion of social integration and
making friends, etc.  Thoughts?>  > Harry> > > --- On Mon, 11/3/08, Beth
<thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:> > From: Beth
<thebluesisloose at gmail.com>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] freinds> To: "National
Association of Blind Students mailing list" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>> Date:
Monday, November 3, 2008, 1:56 PM> > You are right, Carey. The people in
question could be too busy.> However, may I point out that my younger
brother, eighteen years old,> already has a girlfriend and runs around
everywhere with her? I am> envious of every sighted person who has a
significant other, and you> know why he has her? Because he can immitate
appropriate social> skills. I am a firm believer in having good social
skills as a> prerequisite to scoring with the oppoite sex. The key to
winning a> successful date and keeping that significant other is having
good> social skills. I have a young man in college here at FSU who is a>
friend, but he understands unlike the previous people I've dealt with,> the
nature of blindness and its accessories because his mom had a> blind
student. I've spoken to him and his mom about this issue and it> just makes
sense that he wouldn't simply give up on me as a friend. I> admit I did a
few things he didn't like, but then he admitted he> wouldn't give up.> Beth>
> On 11/3/08, Carrie Gilmer <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com> wrote:> > I would just
like to add to Beth and Hope,> >> > Jordan has not had many social offers
himself. And he is well liked and> this> > is key-respected- in class and in
the extra curricular groups. I have> found> > that blind people maybe
especially need to be very pro-active on this. I> > told him once that to
eat lunch with others he needed to initiate, or to> go> > out, he needed to
call. I told him he was not like a Hollywood Star,> people> > were not going
to line up to go out with him. In my own life, as a sighted> > person, I can
tell you that nearly every one of my friendships are because> I> > my self
kept in contact. I called, I made the lunch date, I invited them> > over, I
remembered the birthday card. I have friends from grade school> > still, but
most often I am the one to keep up the contact. It is often> that> > way,
some people are better at it. I never care or make anyone feel it> >
mattered if they haven't called me for three years, I don't even> listen to>
> the "excuse" I just say forget it, how are you now, wanna do> lunch on> >
Thursday and catch up?> >> > I know that there are people who will avoid the
blindness, most are though> > just unsure. But I think it can affect fro
your end too, in the can you> walk> > the walk you talk totally? Like that
little girl I mentioned, IF your> skill> > level and independence is not
truly equal that can effect. But on the> other> > hand kids know Jordan is
equal to them in school, I think sometimes they> > don't realize he is
equally independent out of school too. On the> other> > hand, he is often
too busy to have any free time to go out, and these days> I> > know a lot of
students (my husband is a high school teacher) who are high> > GPA, working
jobs, volunteering and in extra curricular and they don't> have> > time much
either. So I think they aren't calling like he isn't,> just too> > busy!> >>
>> >> > Carrie Gilmer, President> > National Organization of Parents of
Blind Children> > A Division of the National Federation of the Blind> > NFB
National Center: > _______________________________________________> nabs-l
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I can sympathize with all you people who don't have any friends.  I don't
have any either.  It's kind of my fault, because, like Karry's son, I'm so
busy with school that I really don't do much else right now.  Still, it's
kind of depressing sometimes when I hear all these kid talk about what they
did last weekend, or what they'll do Friday afternoon together after school.
Then there's the problem that I go to a small school where anyone who didn't
grow there, and tinks like the do, never really fits in.  It gets really
lonely sometimes; some days are worse than others.  I've had several people
tell me that it gets better in college, because you meet more people who
think like you do.  Any thoughts on that?
Heather
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