[nabs-l] Social Stuff

Wed Sep 23 23:07:32 UTC 2009

I usually keep my eyes shut all the time because they are very dry and it's 
very uncomfortable to keep them open. Some people made comments about it to 
me and said that I should always keep my eyes open. So I bought a pair of 
dark glasses, and now they don't know if my eyes are open or not. Problem 
solved.

Jen

www.youravon.com/jaberdeen

Jennifer Aberdeen
PO Box 1184
Woonsocket, RI 02895
401-415-5815
401-644-5607
freespirit328 at gmail.com
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Teal Bloodworth" <tealbloodworth at gmail.com>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 5:15 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Social Stuff

> thinking about it i dont poke at my eyes but i do frequently rub them and 
> i keep them closed when i am really tired. Also i have found myself to 
> accidently touch people in inappropriate places when they are being quiet 
> and probably staring...i dont know if i am alone in that.
>
> I had a similar situation about roomates. I had some of the most 
> disgusting roomates when i lived on campus. Sink filled with nasty dishes 
> all of the time, trashcan overflowing whether there was a bag in it or 
> not, gum on the kitchen floors and since a couple were homosexual their 
> friends would use permanent marker and draw inappropriate pictures on the 
> door while writing inappropriate things as well.
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Jason Mandarino" <blind.subscriber at gmail.com>
> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'" 
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 12:23 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Social Stuff
>
>
>>I really enjoyed Arielle's post, and I felt that it alluded or perhaps 
>>more
>> so reminded me of a recent realization I had.
>>
>> I lost my sight in middle school, and since that point have encountered a
>> large array of social questions and appropriate behavior from countless
>> parents. My mother did not have to do much in regards to restricting
>> inappropriate behavior, but recognized that some of the mannerisms that 
>> come
>> with blindness are not limited to those who have been blind their whole
>> life. I was asked not to rock, poke my eyes, and several other things for
>> the first few years, in which those tendencies seemed to not be an issue 
>> any
>> more.
>>
>> My point however is that I personally find myself chasing this visual
>> perfection, and until recently I never stepped back to see how wrong it 
>> is.
>> I constantly find myself very embarrassed if I cook something wrong, 
>> spill a
>> glass of water, break a cheap whine glass, or something else that I
>> contribute to being blind related. However, thanks to my girlfriend I 
>> find
>> that I am also correcting her on various behaviors that I would not let
>> myself do. A great example is when she is filling up the sink for dishes 
>> she
>> turn the water to full blast, and she is not paying attention that it is
>> splashing. My room mate leaves crap everywhere, and is constantly loosing
>> his stuff as he has no idea where he put it down. As well as a weird
>> situation regarding a friend of mine who is an extremely sloppy eater and
>> she is commenting on how impressed she is that I can eat the same meal 
>> and
>> not have the same mess left over?
>>
>> Not that I am implying it is okay to be a mess, but I realize that my
>> expectations on myself are not realistic, and it is okay to make 
>> mistakes.
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
>> Behalf
>> Of Arielle Silverman
>> Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 12:04 AM
>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: [nabs-l] Social Stuff
>>
>> Hi all,
>>
>> As both a psychology student and someone interested in blindness
>> issues I think this is a very interesting and important topic.
>> Regarding the first issue, that of learning facial expressions, I
>> don't know much of the literature beyond what's already been stated. I
>> do think it's true that automatic things like smiling and frowning
>> shouldn't be affected by blindness, while more controlled expressions
>> of feelings would be. I will admit that as someone who has been
>> functionally totally blind since birth I get a little depressed when I
>> read about all the theories of development that emphasize visual
>> activities like mimicking other people's movements, etc. But, I'm also
>> optimistic because I know there are plenty of totally blind people out
>> there who developed without major issues or problems. People and
>> especially babies are amazingly resilient.
>>
>> Regarding the issue of social skills and awkwardness I have a lot
>> more to say. This issue inevitably comes up often among NFB circles
>> as well as in the psychology and education literature especially about
>> blind children. It's been well-documented that lots of blind kids and
>> adults engage in behaviors that are "socially inappropriate" or
>> whatever  you want to call them. The common opinion among many of us
>> seems to be that if someone who's blind consistently does anything
>> that's weird, obnoxious, etc. it's because they "just don't know any
>> better" and they've been so sheltered that they honestly have no clue
>> that what they're doing would have any negative effects on them or on
>> anyone else. If only someone would sit them down and explain the truth
>> to them, they'd immediately wise up and start acting more appropriate,
>> or whatever the term may be.
>>
>> OK, I may be exaggerating a little here, but I am quite convinced that
>> this "lack of knowledge" explanation is just the tip of the iceberg
>> and there's a lot more going on. I have this conviction because of
>> what I know about psychology and about human beings in general, and
>> also because of my personal experience.
>>
>> As I mentioned I have been blind all my life.  I will say I was
>> sheltered, but probably about as much as the average blind child-more
>> than some, less than others. I recall that when I was a kid I did some
>> things that almost everyone around me thought were socially
>> inappropriate. I won't go into a huge amount of detail but I would,
>> for instance, get really fixated on a certain topic of conversation
>> and want to talk about it to the exclusion of more popular topics. I
>> didn't reach out much to other kids or adults, I was often accused of
>> being bossy and argumentative, and I was frequently caught poking my
>> eyes. I have memories of being reprimanded for these activities as
>> early as kindergarten and as late as the sixth or seventh grade. And I
>> was definitely made aware repeatedly by multiple adults that what I
>> was doing was inappropriate, although to me at the time it seemed like
>> they were calling my behavior criminal. I know that "social skills"
>> made up the bulk of my IEP for most of those years. I was scolded and
>> punished for this wide array of bad deeds and occasionally rewarded
>> for "good" ones. And yet I kept doing the same  "bad" things anyway.
>> Why? I don't entirely know. Perhaps I knew they were "wrong" but I
>> didn't understand why; yet I still knew if I made those social
>> mistakes I would get in trouble and getting in trouble was definitely
>> painful. I think part of it is that I was really deeply confused about
>> what the adult world expected from me. I was repeatedly told that I
>> was socially deficient and it was somehow related to my blindness
>> because it was always on my IEP, but I didn't  know how I was supposed
>> to act, so I couldn't improve. I also think part of it had to do with
>> lack of motivation. I knew that adults didn't like it when I made
>> these social errors but most of them (fixating on my own interests and
>> being argumentative, for instance) came from me being self-centered,
>> so it really didn't matter to me that it was socially inappropriate. I
>> think I knew that I wasn't directly hurting anybody-I definitely
>> wanted to avoid doing that-and so I honestly didn't understand what
>> the big deal was. No, I never had the desire to wiggle my butt up
>> against someone, but honestly if I had a compelling enough reason to
>> do it, I probably would have kept it up despite admonitions.
>>
>> Around the end of middle school I noticed that I stopped getting
>> reprimanded for being socially deficient. And, what happened? Today I
>> still like to talk about things I find interesting, but that's almost
>> a survival skill for anyone in a Ph.D. program. I have definitely been
>> described by a few people as bossy and argumentative, and I know I'm
>> not always the most empathetic person. When I am very tired my hand
>> will occasionally wander into my eye. But, I've figured out how to get
>> along decently  with most people most of the time,  and when someone
>> else's needs supersede my own. I have a few good friends who've put up
>> with me for years and a boyfriend who's put up with me for a few
>> months. I don't poke my eyes when I am going out with him or giving a
>> speech. (If I ever do, you have the right to yell at me!) Heck, I even
>> managed to get elected president of this student organization. My
>> imperfections have  remained, but somehow I've figured out how to turn
>> them into assets rather than letting them get in my way. I've also
>> discovered, through life experience, what works and what doesn't work
>> in social interactions, and I've felt the rewards of good behavior.
>>
>> So why am I making this deep self-disclosure to all of you? I guess,
>> first of all, to make the point that we have all kinds in the NFB, in
>> NABS and among the leadership here. We all have flaws and we have all
>> had struggles of some kind in our lives. We shouldn't expect all blind
>> people or all NFB members to act exactly the same or to follow all the
>> so-called "rules" all the time. I think a lot of my issues had only a
>> little bit to do with blindness. Blindness might have made me care
>> less about whether or not my behavior was "appropriate", but I
>> probably would have been a pretty nerdy and opinionated child and
>> person had I been sighted. In our efforts to persuade other blind
>> folks to behave with social grace, I think we need to do more than
>> just tell them what they're doing isn't cool. First of all, we need to
>> stop making fun of and talking about them because that does nothing
>> but breed resentment and hostility. Second, I think we must role-model
>> good behavior-everything from good hygiene to being nice to each
>> other-as much as we can. Then, people we mentor (or will potentially
>> mentor later) will see what they can strive toward, not just what they
>> should strive away from. And finally, although I know we might not be
>> able to make this happen for our blind friends, I honestly think that
>> social norms and customs have to be personally meaningful and relevant
>> to people before they will consistently follow them. So Mr.
>> Butt-Wiggler probably won't stop until he decides he wants to to
>> impress a girl or to land a job. The tragedy is that once people
>> become adults, I think it's harder for them to get motivated to make
>> lasting change. But, it's certainly not impossible.
>>
>> Arielle
>>
>>
>> -- 
>> Arielle Silverman
>> President, National Association of Blind Students
>> Phone:  602-502-2255
>> Email:
>> nabs.president at gmail.com
>> Website:
>> www.nabslink.org
>>
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