[nabs-l] Social Stuff

Thu Sep 24 00:53:18 UTC 2009

yeah my eyes get dry and itchy too especially in the summer so i bought 
clear eyes which actually does help


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jennifer Aberdeen" <freespirit328 at gmail.com>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 6:07 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Social Stuff


>I usually keep my eyes shut all the time because they are very dry and it's 
>very uncomfortable to keep them open. Some people made comments about it to 
>me and said that I should always keep my eyes open. So I bought a pair of 
>dark glasses, and now they don't know if my eyes are open or not. Problem 
>solved.
>
> Jen
>
> www.youravon.com/jaberdeen
>
> Jennifer Aberdeen
> PO Box 1184
> Woonsocket, RI 02895
> 401-415-5815
> 401-644-5607
> freespirit328 at gmail.com
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Teal Bloodworth" <tealbloodworth at gmail.com>
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 5:15 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Social Stuff
>
>
>> thinking about it i dont poke at my eyes but i do frequently rub them and 
>> i keep them closed when i am really tired. Also i have found myself to 
>> accidently touch people in inappropriate places when they are being quiet 
>> and probably staring...i dont know if i am alone in that.
>>
>> I had a similar situation about roomates. I had some of the most 
>> disgusting roomates when i lived on campus. Sink filled with nasty dishes 
>> all of the time, trashcan overflowing whether there was a bag in it or 
>> not, gum on the kitchen floors and since a couple were homosexual their 
>> friends would use permanent marker and draw inappropriate pictures on the 
>> door while writing inappropriate things as well.
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Jason Mandarino" <blind.subscriber at gmail.com>
>> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'" 
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 12:23 PM
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Social Stuff
>>
>>
>>>I really enjoyed Arielle's post, and I felt that it alluded or perhaps 
>>>more
>>> so reminded me of a recent realization I had.
>>>
>>> I lost my sight in middle school, and since that point have encountered 
>>> a
>>> large array of social questions and appropriate behavior from countless
>>> parents. My mother did not have to do much in regards to restricting
>>> inappropriate behavior, but recognized that some of the mannerisms that 
>>> come
>>> with blindness are not limited to those who have been blind their whole
>>> life. I was asked not to rock, poke my eyes, and several other things 
>>> for
>>> the first few years, in which those tendencies seemed to not be an issue 
>>> any
>>> more.
>>>
>>> My point however is that I personally find myself chasing this visual
>>> perfection, and until recently I never stepped back to see how wrong it 
>>> is.
>>> I constantly find myself very embarrassed if I cook something wrong, 
>>> spill a
>>> glass of water, break a cheap whine glass, or something else that I
>>> contribute to being blind related. However, thanks to my girlfriend I 
>>> find
>>> that I am also correcting her on various behaviors that I would not let
>>> myself do. A great example is when she is filling up the sink for dishes 
>>> she
>>> turn the water to full blast, and she is not paying attention that it is
>>> splashing. My room mate leaves crap everywhere, and is constantly 
>>> loosing
>>> his stuff as he has no idea where he put it down. As well as a weird
>>> situation regarding a friend of mine who is an extremely sloppy eater 
>>> and
>>> she is commenting on how impressed she is that I can eat the same meal 
>>> and
>>> not have the same mess left over?
>>>
>>> Not that I am implying it is okay to be a mess, but I realize that my
>>> expectations on myself are not realistic, and it is okay to make 
>>> mistakes.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
>>> Behalf
>>> Of Arielle Silverman
>>> Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 12:04 AM
>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Social Stuff
>>>
>>> Hi all,
>>>
>>> As both a psychology student and someone interested in blindness
>>> issues I think this is a very interesting and important topic.
>>> Regarding the first issue, that of learning facial expressions, I
>>> don't know much of the literature beyond what's already been stated. I
>>> do think it's true that automatic things like smiling and frowning
>>> shouldn't be affected by blindness, while more controlled expressions
>>> of feelings would be. I will admit that as someone who has been
>>> functionally totally blind since birth I get a little depressed when I
>>> read about all the theories of development that emphasize visual
>>> activities like mimicking other people's movements, etc. But, I'm also
>>> optimistic because I know there are plenty of totally blind people out
>>> there who developed without major issues or problems. People and
>>> especially babies are amazingly resilient.
>>>
>>> Regarding the issue of social skills and awkwardness I have a lot
>>> more to say. This issue inevitably comes up often among NFB circles
>>> as well as in the psychology and education literature especially about
>>> blind children. It's been well-documented that lots of blind kids and
>>> adults engage in behaviors that are "socially inappropriate" or
>>> whatever  you want to call them. The common opinion among many of us
>>> seems to be that if someone who's blind consistently does anything
>>> that's weird, obnoxious, etc. it's because they "just don't know any
>>> better" and they've been so sheltered that they honestly have no clue
>>> that what they're doing would have any negative effects on them or on
>>> anyone else. If only someone would sit them down and explain the truth
>>> to them, they'd immediately wise up and start acting more appropriate,
>>> or whatever the term may be.
>>>
>>> OK, I may be exaggerating a little here, but I am quite convinced that
>>> this "lack of knowledge" explanation is just the tip of the iceberg
>>> and there's a lot more going on. I have this conviction because of
>>> what I know about psychology and about human beings in general, and
>>> also because of my personal experience.
>>>
>>> As I mentioned I have been blind all my life.  I will say I was
>>> sheltered, but probably about as much as the average blind child-more
>>> than some, less than others. I recall that when I was a kid I did some
>>> things that almost everyone around me thought were socially
>>> inappropriate. I won't go into a huge amount of detail but I would,
>>> for instance, get really fixated on a certain topic of conversation
>>> and want to talk about it to the exclusion of more popular topics. I
>>> didn't reach out much to other kids or adults, I was often accused of
>>> being bossy and argumentative, and I was frequently caught poking my
>>> eyes. I have memories of being reprimanded for these activities as
>>> early as kindergarten and as late as the sixth or seventh grade. And I
>>> was definitely made aware repeatedly by multiple adults that what I
>>> was doing was inappropriate, although to me at the time it seemed like
>>> they were calling my behavior criminal. I know that "social skills"
>>> made up the bulk of my IEP for most of those years. I was scolded and
>>> punished for this wide array of bad deeds and occasionally rewarded
>>> for "good" ones. And yet I kept doing the same  "bad" things anyway.
>>> Why? I don't entirely know. Perhaps I knew they were "wrong" but I
>>> didn't understand why; yet I still knew if I made those social
>>> mistakes I would get in trouble and getting in trouble was definitely
>>> painful. I think part of it is that I was really deeply confused about
>>> what the adult world expected from me. I was repeatedly told that I
>>> was socially deficient and it was somehow related to my blindness
>>> because it was always on my IEP, but I didn't  know how I was supposed
>>> to act, so I couldn't improve. I also think part of it had to do with
>>> lack of motivation. I knew that adults didn't like it when I made
>>> these social errors but most of them (fixating on my own interests and
>>> being argumentative, for instance) came from me being self-centered,
>>> so it really didn't matter to me that it was socially inappropriate. I
>>> think I knew that I wasn't directly hurting anybody-I definitely
>>> wanted to avoid doing that-and so I honestly didn't understand what
>>> the big deal was. No, I never had the desire to wiggle my butt up
>>> against someone, but honestly if I had a compelling enough reason to
>>> do it, I probably would have kept it up despite admonitions.
>>>
>>> Around the end of middle school I noticed that I stopped getting
>>> reprimanded for being socially deficient. And, what happened? Today I
>>> still like to talk about things I find interesting, but that's almost
>>> a survival skill for anyone in a Ph.D. program. I have definitely been
>>> described by a few people as bossy and argumentative, and I know I'm
>>> not always the most empathetic person. When I am very tired my hand
>>> will occasionally wander into my eye. But, I've figured out how to get
>>> along decently  with most people most of the time,  and when someone
>>> else's needs supersede my own. I have a few good friends who've put up
>>> with me for years and a boyfriend who's put up with me for a few
>>> months. I don't poke my eyes when I am going out with him or giving a
>>> speech. (If I ever do, you have the right to yell at me!) Heck, I even
>>> managed to get elected president of this student organization. My
>>> imperfections have  remained, but somehow I've figured out how to turn
>>> them into assets rather than letting them get in my way. I've also
>>> discovered, through life experience, what works and what doesn't work
>>> in social interactions, and I've felt the rewards of good behavior.
>>>
>>> So why am I making this deep self-disclosure to all of you? I guess,
>>> first of all, to make the point that we have all kinds in the NFB, in
>>> NABS and among the leadership here. We all have flaws and we have all
>>> had struggles of some kind in our lives. We shouldn't expect all blind
>>> people or all NFB members to act exactly the same or to follow all the
>>> so-called "rules" all the time. I think a lot of my issues had only a
>>> little bit to do with blindness. Blindness might have made me care
>>> less about whether or not my behavior was "appropriate", but I
>>> probably would have been a pretty nerdy and opinionated child and
>>> person had I been sighted. In our efforts to persuade other blind
>>> folks to behave with social grace, I think we need to do more than
>>> just tell them what they're doing isn't cool. First of all, we need to
>>> stop making fun of and talking about them because that does nothing
>>> but breed resentment and hostility. Second, I think we must role-model
>>> good behavior-everything from good hygiene to being nice to each
>>> other-as much as we can. Then, people we mentor (or will potentially
>>> mentor later) will see what they can strive toward, not just what they
>>> should strive away from. And finally, although I know we might not be
>>> able to make this happen for our blind friends, I honestly think that
>>> social norms and customs have to be personally meaningful and relevant
>>> to people before they will consistently follow them. So Mr.
>>> Butt-Wiggler probably won't stop until he decides he wants to to
>>> impress a girl or to land a job. The tragedy is that once people
>>> become adults, I think it's harder for them to get motivated to make
>>> lasting change. But, it's certainly not impossible.
>>>
>>> Arielle
>>>
>>>
>>> -- 
>>> Arielle Silverman
>>> President, National Association of Blind Students
>>> Phone:  602-502-2255
>>> Email:
>>> nabs.president at gmail.com
>>> Website:
>>> www.nabslink.org
>>>
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>>
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