[nabs-l] Disagreeing with mother and others

[Jedi]

Gerado,

It may be helpful in understanding your experiences to talk to both 
blind and sighted friends in Mexico. It may be that part of your 
struggle is reflected in your culture. As I understand it, it's not 
uncommon for many children to stay home longer in Mexico than in the 
United States whether there is a disability or not. This may be 
changing as we speak.

>From the disability point of view, you're right that disabled people 
tend to leave home later than their non-disabled peers. Much of this 
happens because of lacks in services for education and employment. 
Sometimes, disabled people don't get what they need soon enough to make 
it possible for them to leave at the same time as their age mates.

>From a much larger perspective, your parents, particularly your mother, 
partly identify themselves based on their relationship to you as your 
parents. As you grow older, that relationship will change because in a 
way, you are becoming more like a peer than their child. Some parents 
handle this better than others. The power struggle you are experiencing 
may partly be your mother's difficulty in letting you go, especially 
since she will be more worried about you than any other children she 
may have because of your disability. At the same time, your identity as 
her child is changing and you are growing into a man. This is difficult 
work. In short, your growing older means that your role in the home 
must change and your mother is having trouble adapting.

I suggest to you that you spend time with your mother communicating 
about these issues since they are at the root of your experience. Find 
a way to create space where each of you can share your concerns and 
experiences of changing identity. This conversation will take time to 
develop, but it's your best chance unless you are actually able to 
leave and put some distance between you.

Respectfully,
Jedi

Original message:
> Hi guys: I send this not to have pity but in case some of you have lived
> these experiences while living at home.
> Here in Mexico (especially for blind and disabled people) one lives at home
> a few more years than normal, not like you guys in the US that one leaves
> home upon going to college. I've completed my major and am working but have
> had some problems here at home, especially with my mother and am wanting to
> (apart from someday living on my own) what tips and tricks have worked for
> you guys?
> I'm disagreeing on certain things that I feel should be done differently
> here at home. My mother wen telling her I don't agree with such and such
> says that this is my home! where is the limit between her home and our home?
> Where is the limit when we the kids can give oppinions? Why do mothers
> always say we won't mature and that we're acting like small children? Has
> this happened to you guys? and lastly is the rate of parents separating
> larger when having blind kids?
> thanks in advanced for any ideas and surely this topic will enrich more than
> one.
> Gerardo


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