[nabs-l] Disagreeing with mother and others

Wed Apr 7 15:32:18 UTC 2010

Hello Gerardo and listers,

I think that part of the problem you're facing is cultural. Many
cultures view people with disabilities a lot differently than most of
us do in the U.S. When I was in China for a service project people
would bend over backwards to help me or to try and do things for me.
Part of it was that they were trying to be hospitable and they wanted
me to leave China having had a good experience. They also hadn't seen
many independent blind people and I think they were afraid that I
would hurt myself or something. I would like to think that I left
China having altered some people's perceptions of blind people. I also
have many friends from China and they tell me that whether they are
blind or sighted they are expected to live at home until they are
married.
Your mother also plays a part in your situation. She may be reluctant
to let you do things because you are blind but she may also be over
protective of you because you are her son. I remember talking to my
mother about this. She told me that it is a mother's nature to worry
about her children whether they have disabilities or not. She also
said that because they worry they always have an urge to step in and
take over.   My mom  has been great about my blindness. She has always
had a tendancy to be over protective but she has really worked hard to
step back and let me live my own life. I think it helped that she has
served two tours in Iraq and while she was gone I didn't burn my house
down, get hit by a car, or had something else happen to me.
I like what other people said about trying to find a comprimise. Maybe
you can find a way to show your mom  that you're capable of being
independent and safe. Maybe you can show her some NFB literature and
explain to her that there are blind people all over the US and in
other countries that live normally. I can't think of anything else
without knowing more about your situation. Just remember to keep
communicating and try to stay as calm as possible. If you get really
upset during a conversation she'll be less likely to take you
seriously then if you stayed calm. I hope this helps.

Best Wishes,
Domonique

On 4/6/10, RJ Sandefur <joltingjacksandefur at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hope, My brother in-law are the same way as your parents. My mother died in
> November, so in effect, I am pat owner of the house. I have two thirds, and
> my sister only has a third. But We get along great! I can't waight for my
> new show on Sunday! On Radio 360, The Abundant life! Hope you'll tune in!
> Its on from 2-6P.M. go to www.radio360.us
> Thanks RJ
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Hope Paulos" <hope.paulos at maine.edu>
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 5:51 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Disagreeing with mother and others
>
>
>> I'm on the opposite end of the fence, so to speak. My parents are the
>> exact opposite. They are all for whatever I do. I'm 27 and live with my
>> parents- even after having graduated college. My parents believe that this
>>
>> is *our* house and I have a right to do whatever I want to in it.
>> Obviously I have some rules, like clean up after myself, but I'd have
>> those if I were living on my own. My parents allow  me to cook, clean, and
>>
>> do whatever. Sometimes, when I was younger (25 to be exact) I'd ask my
>> parents if I could do something and their response was, "of course. It's
>> *your* home. You don't need to ask us". I guess the best thing to do, to
>> keep peace, is to make a compromise  with your parents. Show them that you
>>
>> are capable of doing certain things, but that you might do it in a
>> different way than they do.
>> Hope this helps.
>> Hope and guide dog, Beignet
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Beth" <thebluesisloose at gmail.com>
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, April 05, 2010 5:17 PM
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Disagreeing with mother and others
>>
>>
>>> As far as disagreements and the lack of maturity, I think it's common
>>> for parents to approach things in a more united front.  To be honest,
>>> I sstill live at home if not in college, but my parents are trying to
>>> let me do things on my own.  But since my budget is too small--fifty a
>>> week--I can't manage money and can't do a lot.  I don't know what to
>>> do if I work in a vending stand operation.  So that's the thing.
>>> Another thing, marriage and dating is a problem because my parents
>>> might get word of one obsession or crush after another.  Let's face
>>> it.  I just want to live a normal and productive life with a husband
>>> and children and house of my own, but my parents still treat me like a
>>> small child.  They have not yet encouraged me or given me any positive
>>> feedback whatsoever about my good points as my old friend Kristen puts
>>> it.  Btw, Kristen and I have known each other since fifth grade.  So
>>> there I have something to stick with.
>>> Beth
>>>
>>> On 4/5/10, Gerardo Corripio <gera1027 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> Hi guys: I send this not to have pity but in case some of you have lived
>>>> these experiences while living at home.
>>>> Here in Mexico (especially for blind and disabled people) one lives at
>>>> home
>>>> a few more years than normal, not like you guys in the US that one
>>>> leaves
>>>> home upon going to college. I've completed my major and am working but
>>>> have
>>>> had some problems here at home, especially with my mother and am wanting
>>>>
>>>> to
>>>> (apart from someday living on my own) what tips and tricks have worked
>>>> for
>>>> you guys?
>>>> I'm disagreeing on certain things that I feel should be done differently
>>>> here at home. My mother wen telling her I don't agree with such and such
>>>> says that this is my home! where is the limit between her home and our
>>>> home?
>>>> Where is the limit when we the kids can give oppinions? Why do mothers
>>>> always say we won't mature and that we're acting like small children?
>>>> Has
>>>> this happened to you guys? and lastly is the rate of parents separating
>>>> larger when having blind kids?
>>>> thanks in advanced for any ideas and surely this topic will enrich more
>>>> than
>>>> one.
>>>> Gerardo
>>>>
>>>>
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