[nabs-l] parent's attitudes and advocating with parents

[Anita Adkins]

First, you have noticed the problem, which means you know what you need to 
solve.  One thought I have is for you to schedule a meeting with your Mom or 
Dad about this concern; do it when they are in a good mood, if possible. 
Also, before you attend the meeting, role play about what you plan to say 
and what you think your mother's responses will be.  Then, create 
constructive responses to what you think she will say.  If necessary, talk 
to an O&M specialist about it to see if he/she has suggestions.  One thing 
you say is that she says you couldn't find the room upstairs or the bus to 
get picked up.  I would recommend you start with the inside problem of 
finding the room since generally travel starts with basic skills and indoor 
travel and develops from that point.  So, for instance, you might tell her 
that you could ask people around for verbal directions and direct their 
responses so that they are very specific.  For example, if someone says the 
door is over there, you would face the direction you think they are 
referring to, and say do you mean walking straight from the way I am facing 
now will bring me to the door.  Also, and I plan to do this when I go to my 
school to student teach here prior to my startdate in November, you could 
have someone with vision help to create you a tactile map of your route. 
Note that you will only want to do this if this building is one you will use 
often.  Also, you might to draw a different map for the outside travel to 
and from your bus stop.  In my own case, I am not going to create a map of 
the inside of the school because I have learned how to navigate confidently 
in such areas; however, I will map the layout of the room and where key 
landmarks are located, such as the equipment shelf for a particular 
activity.  It is okay if you need a bigger map though.  Also, practice with 
mental mapping, and explain this skill to your mother in your meeting.  If 
necessary, you may want to ask an O&M specialist to sit in on your meeting 
with Mom.  For further info on mental mapping, see the Blindness Blog 
because one of its posts directly deals with travel.  The address is:
www.blindnessblog.blogspot.com
Also, you might consider attending Blind Industries and Services of 
maryland's or BISM's eight-month training program, 1-888-322-4567, because 
by doing so, you will not only gain travel skills, but you will also gain 
computer skills, cooking skills, and many other skills relying on 
alternative techniques of blindness, to my knowledge, you may also learn to 
create a resume.  Now is the time to head out on this endeavor because being 
a competent and confident person who happens to be blind is essential for 
your future.  The longer you wait, the longer it will be before you gain 
freedom from the constraints of blindness and the more likely life's 
circumstances will attempt to prevent you from entering such a program. 
These could include marriage, children, and even a job that you could not 
leave for an extended period of time.  Eight months might sound like a large 
chunk of time, but really it is very brief, especially if you are in your 
early twenties and not employed or married yet.  Just some advice.  I hope 
some of it is helpful.  Anita
----- Original Message ----- 
From: <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, September 08, 2010 6:07 PM
Subject: [nabs-l] parent's attitudes and advocating with parents


> Hi all,
>
> Growing up my parents were supportive for my academics and accomodations. 
> They went to IEP meetings and actively participated.  However, when it 
> comes to daily living and orientation and mobility I don't feel as 
> supported.  This is particular to O&M.  Growing up I only had basics of 
> O&M  given to me twice a month.  Then I got some good training through the 
> Dept for the blind here.  She was excellent because she encouraged you to 
> ask questions of the public and explore your surroundings.  She was a 
> general COMS, certified orientation and mobility specialist but I think 
> she included some discovery techniques in her teaching style.
>
> Anyway, I am so tired of my mom's negative attitude.  I have a rather hard 
> time with O&M and cannot reverse routes well.  I have spatial deficits.
> It takes me longer to learn O&M but when I finally learn a place I am a 
> pretty average walker and confident in that familiar environment.
> When I lived at Marymount university I knew that campus well and traveled 
> on my own to restaurants, convenience stores and the nearby mall.
> I did more indoor travel there because I wasn't confident with streets.
>
> I say this because I give some background to show I was successful in O&M 
> to some extent and carried out some ndependent living tasks at school 
> except cooking.
>
>
> My mother isn't encouraging me to go places on my own.  She is doubting my 
> ability to navigate my community college campus.  When I suggested I take 
> metro access, our paratransit, home from some job development meetings she 
> says things like "you couldn't find the bus to get picked up." and You 
> couldn't find the right room upstairs."
> Despite those comments I am learning to navigate campus with another O&M 
> specialist I found through the lighthouse.
> I will say though campus is challenging due to many open spaces such as 
> the quad and few edges to follow visually and/or tactually with the cane.
>
> I'm so frustrated that I have to advocate for basic freedoms that most 
> young adults take for granted.
> I sometimes doubt myself too and worry I'll prove to myself and my parents 
> I'm not a competent traveler.
> I fear that I will internalize my mom's attitudes and stop challenging 
> myself and lose my optimism.
>
> I know I can only improve by doing the skill I need to work on.
> How do you advocate and stand up for your  needs when family members doubt 
> your abilities?
> We're a close family and thing is also I generally respect my parents and 
> their opinions so when they doubt my abilities I sometimes doubt myself 
> too.
>
> When I have the funding through employment I'm moving out so this won't be 
> an issue.  But till then I need to do the best I can here.
>
> Ashley
>
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