[nabs-l] parent's attitudes and advocating with parents

[Beth]

My parents doubt I can marry, hold a job, and navigate my way around
places.  They were never supportive of O and M, but they were
supportive of your same old academics that all parents are generally
supportive of.  But when I came to CCB, I didn't realize I'd have a
lot of things waiting for me.  I learned some street crossing
techniques, including the near side parallel traffic being the traffic
you go with.  Discovery learning is great when you don't have such a
time crunch and when you're not in a big hurry to get to a place.
Another thing, if my family doubts that I can hold a job or do
relationship related things, I actually have a boyfriend of four
months, and get this, he's not even American.  I'm not doubting my
parents will support me in the end, but I'm afraid that they won't.
Since my mother was unwed when she had me, there are questions about
their view of my blindness.  Some parents believe that disability is a
punishment for one's sins.  There was a couple who had a daughter who
became known as Peru's Little Mermaid, and they believed their
daughter was a punishment from God.  What does that have to do with
blindness?  Same deal.  People think blindness is a punishment
depending on the faith views and stuff.
Beth

On 9/8/10, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net> wrote:
> Hi all,
>
> Growing up my parents were supportive for my academics and accomodations.
> They went to IEP meetings and actively participated.  However, when it comes
> to daily living and orientation and mobility I don't feel as supported.
> This is particular to O&M.  Growing up I only had basics of O&M  given to me
> twice a month.  Then I got some good training through the Dept for the blind
> here.  She was excellent because she encouraged you to ask questions of the
> public and explore your surroundings.  She was a general COMS, certified
> orientation and mobility specialist but I think she included some discovery
> techniques in her teaching style.
>
> Anyway, I am so tired of my mom's negative attitude.  I have a rather hard
> time with O&M and cannot reverse routes well.  I have spatial deficits.
> It takes me longer to learn O&M but when I finally learn a place I am a
> pretty average walker and confident in that familiar environment.
> When I lived at Marymount university I knew that campus well and traveled on
> my own to restaurants, convenience stores and the nearby mall.
> I did more indoor travel there because I wasn't confident with streets.
>
> I say this because I give some background to show I was successful in O&M to
> some extent and carried out some ndependent living tasks at school except
> cooking.
>
>
> My mother isn't encouraging me to go places on my own.  She is doubting my
> ability to navigate my community college campus.  When I suggested I take
> metro access, our paratransit, home from some job development meetings she
> says things like "you couldn't find the bus to get picked up." and You
> couldn't find the right room upstairs."
> Despite those comments I am learning to navigate campus with another O&M
> specialist I found through the lighthouse.
> I will say though campus is challenging due to many open spaces such as the
> quad and few edges to follow visually and/or tactually with the cane.
>
> I'm so frustrated that I have to advocate for basic freedoms that most young
> adults take for granted.
> I sometimes doubt myself too and worry I'll prove to myself and my parents
> I'm not a competent traveler.
> I fear that I will internalize my mom's attitudes and stop challenging
> myself and lose my optimism.
>
> I know I can only improve by doing the skill I need to work on.
> How do you advocate and stand up for your  needs when family members doubt
> your abilities?
> We're a close family and thing is also I generally respect my parents and
> their opinions so when they doubt my abilities I sometimes doubt myself too.
>
> When I have the funding through employment I'm moving out so this won't be
> an issue.  But till then I need to do the best I can here.
>
> Ashley
>
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