[nabs-l] parent's attitudes and advocating with parents

[Jedi]

Ashley,

First of all, I want to tell you that your experience is quite common 
and familiar to many of us, so we're right here with you. You probably 
don't have as many spacial deficits as you think. For most blind 
people, the problem isn't internal in terms of ability or external in 
terms of difficult environments, but is both internal and external in 
terms of attitude and availability of positive input to shape healthy 
attitudes.

I would seriously consider getting involved with an NFB training 
center. There, you can get intense O and M training, as well as 
training in any other skills you like. You'll also have an opportunity 
to move out for a bit, thus giving you a break from those negative 
attitudes. LCB staff and students (for example) are very positive and 
encourage folks to do their best by way of both serving as cheerleaders 
and as role models. Other NFB centers are the same way.

I can see two reasons why your parents might feel uncomfortable with 
you traveling independently. First, they probably haven't been around 
too many successful blind adults who feel comfortable with their 
ability to get around and who defy the stereotypes we're all so 
familiar with. Secondly, you may not have had much exposure to these 
same role models and may therefore not really know what you can do (or 
at least what's possible). That said, with no information comes no 
progress in beliefs and attitudes. Have you been able to connect with 
someone in your state from the NFB? Perhaps they could be of assistance 
to you? Good luck.

Respectfully,
Jedi

Original message:
> Hi all,

> Growing up my parents were supportive for my academics and 
> accomodations.  They went to IEP meetings and actively participated.  
> However, when it comes to daily living and orientation and mobility I 
> don't feel as supported.  This is particular to O&M.  Growing up I only 
> had basics of O&M  given to me twice a month.  Then I got some good 
> training through the Dept for the blind here.  She was excellent 
> because she encouraged you to ask questions of the public and explore 
> your surroundings.  She was a general COMS, certified orientation and 
> mobility specialist but I think she included some discovery techniques 
> in her teaching style.

> Anyway, I am so tired of my mom's negative attitude.  I have a rather 
> hard time with O&M and cannot reverse routes well.  I have spatial deficits.
> It takes me longer to learn O&M but when I finally learn a place I am a 
> pretty average walker and confident in that familiar environment.
> When I lived at Marymount university I knew that campus well and 
> traveled on my own to restaurants, convenience stores and the nearby mall.
> I did more indoor travel there because I wasn't confident with streets.

> I say this because I give some background to show I was successful in 
> O&M to some extent and carried out some ndependent living tasks at 
> school except cooking.


> My mother isn't encouraging me to go places on my own.  She is doubting 
> my ability to navigate my community college campus.  When I suggested I 
> take metro access, our paratransit, home from some job development 
> meetings she says things like "you couldn't find the bus to get picked 
> up." and You couldn't find the right room upstairs."
> Despite those comments I am learning to navigate campus with another 
> O&M specialist I found through the lighthouse.
> I will say though campus is challenging due to many open spaces such as 
> the quad and few edges to follow visually and/or tactually with the cane.

> I'm so frustrated that I have to advocate for basic freedoms that most 
> young adults take for granted.
> I sometimes doubt myself too and worry I'll prove to myself and my 
> parents I'm not a competent traveler.
> I fear that I will internalize my mom's attitudes and stop challenging 
> myself and lose my optimism.

> I know I can only improve by doing the skill I need to work on.
> How do you advocate and stand up for your  needs when family members 
> doubt your abilities?
> We're a close family and thing is also I generally respect my parents 
> and their opinions so when they doubt my abilities I sometimes doubt 
> myself too.

> When I have the funding through employment I'm moving out so this won't 
> be an issue.  But till then I need to do the best I can here.

> Ashley

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