[nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
Chris Nusbaum
dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com
Tue May 31 22:56:55 UTC 2011
Yes! Joshua, you said in an earlier post that you hate the term
visually impaired and like my motto, "A loss of sight, never a
loss of vision." The vision it's referring to is your dreams and
goals in life that you can meet independently regardless of the
"loss of sight," but you say you want a partner that can drive
you around. Can you explain this logic to me?
Chris
"A loss of sight, never a loss of vision!" (Camp Abilities motto)
--- Sent from my BrailleNote
----- Original Message -----
From: Ignasi Cambra <ignasicambra at gmail.com
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Thu, 26 May 2011 14:54:33 -0400
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
The problem is that if all you want from a potential partner is
for her to drive you around and you consider yourself a burden,
she will probably not want to be your wife :).
I think it all depends on your attitude. Sometimes I ask my
girlfriend to drive me somewhere because it seems like the best
choice for me, and if she has time she will do it because she
loves me and she's doing me a favor just like I help her with
other things. But her primary function is not to drive me
everywhere all the time...
On May 26, 2011, at 11:38 AM, Joshua Lester wrote:
Yes.
I want my wife, to be able to drive me from place to place, so
my
parents don't have to have that burden.
That's the point!
You win the million dollar prize!
Blessings, Joshua
On 5/26/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
I'm not sure I understand how this would create a "double
burden" on your
family either. If she is an independent traveler, or
independent in other
ways as well, why should she create any burden? Why would this
hinder your
independence unless you're looking for a partner who could drive
you around
and such so your parents don't have to (and I don't think you
are! I'm just
saying, I don't understand your point.)
On Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:25 AM, Hope Paulos
<hope.paulos at gmail.com> wrote:
First of all, I don't understand, Joshua, how you believe dating
a blind
person would double your dependence while traveling? I'm a
compitent
traveler and a totally blind one at that. I am a musician as
well. To be
honest, I don't care whether or not my boyfriend is sighted or
blind. It's
who he is that counts, not his disability or lack thereof.
----- Original Message ----- From: "Mike Freeman"
<k7uij at panix.com
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" <
nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2011 11:13 AM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
So you pick your life-partner on the basis of convenience?
Mike Freeman
sent from my iPhone
On May 25, 2011, at 21:58, Joshua Lester
<jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu
wrote:
That's exactly the problem!
Ms. Principato, you hit the nail right on the head!
My parents don't think that I can take care of myself, although
I was
trained at LWSB.
It's crazy!
I know I can succeed with accomidations, but they won't
cooperate.
Sighted girls wouldn't want me, because I still live at home.
I don't want another blind person, because that would double my
dependence, when it comes to traveling.
I'm a Gospel singer, musician, and songwriter.
I like to travel to churches.
It would be more convenient for me to have a sighted person,
than a
blind
one.
Remember, I'm totally blind.
Blessings, Joshua
On 5/25/11, Jamie Principato <blackbyrdfly at gmail.com> wrote:
I am in a serious relationship with another blind person. He is
totally
blind, and I have a significant amount of sight, so I can tell
you from
my
own point of view, even before I had heard of NFB philosophy or
had a
very
positive attitude about blindness myself, his blindness didn't
weigh in
much
when considering him as a partner. I had the idea at the time
that
people
with no vision at all were at a disadvantage, primarily because
I'd
known
several totally blind individuals in school who didn't
demonstrate that
they
had the ability to succeed at the level of a sighed person (not
their
fault,
mind you. This gets into issues about parents' misconceptions
and
teacher
misconceptions causing problems for blind students, but that's
another
topic
entirely). I can say that all of these ideas flip-flopped once
we had
talked
a little, and my attitude towards blindness in others as well as
my own
blindness improved gradually the more I got to know him and
spend time
with
him. I believed that he could do anything a sighted person
could do,
one
way
or another, and that his blindness (or mine, for that matter)
was only
a
characteristic because he demonstrated such to me in the way he
approached
blindness and life in general. He and I have been together for
5 years
now,
and intend to spend our lives together, not because we both have
some
degree
of vision loss. Simply because we decided that we've both found
"the
one".
On the flip side of the coin, I've also had experience dating a
completely
sighted person, though more casually. Compared to this person,
I might
as
well have been totally blind. We also hit it off quite well,
and I
really
think my lack of vision was more of an issue to me than it was
to her.
I
felt embarrassed that when ever we'd go out, she would have to
pick me
up or
I would have to use public transportation to meet her somewhere
(which
often
resulted in me being late, or showing up hot and sweaty and
tired from
travel). If we went out to eat, and no accessible menu was
available,
she
would sometimes read it to me, and I found this embarrassing as
well.
She,
apparently, thought nothing of it, though, and I felt better
about it
when I
observed how helpful she is with other sighted people as well.
It was
just
in her nature to offer help, and didn't seem to have anything to
do
with
my
vision. Her and I are still really good friends, and she is
currently
in a
long-term relationship with another blind person, so clearly
blindness
was
not a turn-off to her.
Again, I think if we make a big thing of our blindness, it will
be a
big
thing. Otherwise, if we just demonstrate that we are equals,
any
significant
others worth our time will see that we are equals and consider
us as
such.
Best,
-Jamie
On Wed, May 25, 2011 at 11:24 PM, Kirt Manwaring
<kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>wrote:
Homberto,
I don't think blindness should be a big factor in who you date.
Certainly there are plenty of sighted people who do understand,
after
a little time with us, that us blind people have the ability to
achieve on whatever level we choose to. It's never a good idea
to
date someone who wouldn't treat you like an equal partner-and if
anyone can't accept your blindness as a characteristic rather
than a
handicap, that's not the kind of person I'd want to date.
I think good grooming is important, no matter if you're dating a
blind person or a sighted person. First impressions count for a
lot,
after all and although not every sighted person will blow you
off if
you don't look clean and well-groomed, most probably will. But
I
think most blind people would, too.
So pretty much date whoever you want. If they're blind, that's
fine. If they're sighted, that's fine too. The important thing
is
that you and your partner are the right fit for each other, and
have
the skills to make a committed relationship work. If the person
you
date is blind and you're genuinely happy (as long as you both
have the
right training to manage things), more power to you. If the
person
you date is sighted, and you're both genuinely happy with each
other,
more power to you. If it's the right thing, blindness or sight
shouldn't change anything.
Most of the people I've dated have been sighted, most of my
friends
are sighted, so when I decide I'm ready for a long-term
relationship,
odds are it'll probably be with a sighted girl. Not because
sighted
people are better, but because most of my friends happen to be
sighted. But that doesn't mean I couldn't make it work with a
blind
girl if she happened to be the right one. Either way, you can
be
happy.
Take care,
Kirt
On 5/25/11, bookwormahb at earthlink.net <bookwormahb at earthlink.net
wrote:
Humberto,
If you are comfortable with who you are and can demonstrate you
can
do
things for yourself then either partner will work. If someone
is
attracted
to you, I hope appearance would be only part of it. So go with
what
feels
right.
Ashley
-----Original Message-----
From: Humberto
Sent: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 9:23 PM
To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Cc: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
Subject: [nabs-l] dating seaghted people Vs. Blind people?
Hello dear listers,
I'm wanting to know, and I've been curious about, your opinions
on the topic stated in the subject line. I think this
discussion
has been shared already on this list a little bit but it would
be
good for us to discuss this as a matter of opinions are
concerned.
So, let me begin by asking, what do you think about going out
with a sighted person Vs. a blind person? Are there any main
differences, if any, on dating blind people or sighted people?
Will a blind person expect to date or marry another blind
person?
If I date a sighted person, for instance, will I have to deal
with the blindness misconceptions that people sometimes have?
How
can a blind person get that sighted person to think that the
blind person can become a competent member of society by doing
everything else that a sighted person can do.
I myself have a blind girlfriend, and yes, we enjoy each other
as
much as 2 sighted people will enjoy each other's engagement.
I've
been going with her for about 4 years now, and we still keep in
touch.
would it be different if I make the choice to go out with a
sighted girl, yet knowing that my blindness is just a
characteristic? Will she understand that?
I ask these questions only for your thoughts, and I wouldn't
just
want to start a huge debate here. I must stress, though, that
if
I do choose to date a sighted girlfriend, she must know that my
blindness will not stop me from doing anything that I want to,
and having high expectations.
But is there anything that, specifically speaking, a sighted
person looks for when he or she is trying to date a blind
person,
versus a blind person trying to date a blind person? Is personal
gloaming a big deal for this? Have you guy gone through
experiences like that, whether you decide to date someone who is
sighted or who is blind? I know this might seem quite obvious,
but I understand that, unfair or fair as it might seem, sighted
people, the first thing they look at, is how you look. They
first
look at you visually and they know immediately whether to stick
with one or not.
Any thoughts? Opinions? experiences? questions?
Cheers, Humberto
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