[nabs-l] Grabbing etc.

[Arielle Silverman]

As a woman it's not just an issue of independence vs. dependence, but
an issue of personal space and bodily integrity. In our culture, a man
touching or grabbing a woman has certain connotations that are
undesirable in most situations especially if the man and woman don't
have a pre-existing relationship. In other words, having a male
stranger, dentist, teacher or acquaintance put his arm around me or
touch me in ways my boyfriend does is not appropriate. Granted, the
personal space issue is still important regardless of gender, but
across gender lines these kinds of violations are especially
egregious.
Arielle

On 11/10/11, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
> You're right, Bridgett.
> I tell people all the time, that I prefer that they don't do sighted
> guide, when I can get where I need to go on my own.
> I tell them, if they insist, that if they're going to do it, they need
> to do it right.
> They don't like that.
> Blessings, Joshua
>
> On 11/10/11, Bridgit Pollpeter <bpollpeter at hotmail.com> wrote:
>> We are not obligated to take assistance just because others think we
>> require it. Even when being diplomatic and kind in return, we're not
>> obligated to do this. If we feel awkward or uncomfortable about being
>> offered, or in many cases forced, sighted assistance, we don't need to
>> take it or feel bad about declining it. Despite what we are often told,
>> and how society views us, we are capable and can think for ourselves. If
>> we want assistance of any kind, we know when and how to use it, and it
>> is up to us to ask, and decline, for assistance.  We don't have to hurt
>> feelings or be aggressive about it, but no one is obligated to accept
>> assistance if it's not wanted.
>>
>> I had a dentist who, though nice enough, always insisted he or a staff
>> member guided me around his office. His office was extremely tiny so
>> even if I wanted help, it didn't make much sense in such a small
>> environment. I always had to assert myself in stating thanks, but no
>> thanks. The final straw was when he insisted on walking me out to the
>> waiting area and when I removed my hand from his arm, he grabbed it and
>> tucked it underneath his arm. I again removed my hand, and he again
>> grabbed it. I gently explained that when I decline assistance, it is my
>> decision and no one should force anything on me. Especially as a woman,
>> I'm not comfortable with men refusing to accept the fact that I don't
>> need assistance. It's not a feminist thing so much as a I'm not
>> comfortable with men I barely know asserting anything over me when I
>> haven't asked for it or declined it. I have since switched dentists.
>>
>> So no one should feel obligated to accept assistance unless it's what
>> you want. We are the ones who make decisions for ourselves; we control
>> our own lives; no one has the right to expect, and force, anything on us
>> even if done out of kindness. Don't be mean or rude, but don't feel as
>> though you have to "submit" to a person's insistance that you take
>> assistance.
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
>> Read my blog at:
>> http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
>>
>> "History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
>> The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
>>
>> Message: 16
>> Date: Tue, 08 Nov 2011 18:17:45 -0800
>> From: vejas <brlsurfer at gmail.com>
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing
>> 	list<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Grabbing etc.
>> Message-ID: <4eb9e2d9.f05c340a.50d1.ffffaf6d at mx.google.com>
>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1; format=flowed
>>
>> So I guess we don't need to be nice about grabbing? I'm a
>> freshman in high school, and one time a senior started grabbing
>> my elbow.  I told him politely that I could do it myself, but he
>> didn't listen, so finally I said he could "go to class now." My
>> aide thought I was being rude, but I felt as if I was adovacting
>> for myself.  What are your thoughts on this?
>> Vejas
>>
>>
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>
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