[nabs-l] Independence and judgment

Tue Nov 15 03:00:26 UTC 2011

Hi all,
When deciding whether or not to get help with something, I try to base
my decision on the answer to two questions: (1) is the help actually
helpful; that is, does it allow me to do what I have to do in a more
convenient way? and (2) does helping me inconvenience the other person
doing the helping? If the answer is "yes" to question 1 and "no" to
question 2, then I have no problem requesting or accepting
help-blindness-related or otherwise. But if accepting help doesn't
offer me added convenience or if the helper would be inconvenienced by
their action, I will generally find another way to do what I need to
do without help. As Dr. Jernigan wrote, independence is the ability to
go where we want to go, etc. without inconvenience to ourselves and
others. As we have discussed, there are times when accepting the kind
of help sighted strangers want to give-being led or grabbed-is
actually anti-helpful. There are other times when waiting for a
sighted guide or other assistant is inconvenient-like if we want to go
out somewhere but whoever normally gives us a ride is at work, etc. In
these situations, being dependent on someone else costs us
opportunities. Similarly, there are times when providing help is
inconvenient for the helper-like if they are guiding or driving us
somewhere that's out of the way for them. Because of this, I will
often offer to just take verbal directions from someone rather than
being guided so the person doesn't have to go out of their way
unnecessarily. In other situations, like if the helper is going the
same direction, offering guidance doesn't impose on them.
I think it is important for us to develop the skills needed to do
things on our own when taking assistance is inconvenient to ourselves
or others. However, there is nothing wrong with taking help if the
help does not inconvenience either party, or if the inconvenience is
minor compared to the benefit gained from the help.
Best,
Arielle

On 11/11/11, Bridgit Pollpeter <bpollpeter at hotmail.com> wrote:
> Jedi,
>
> Since you started... This segways nicely into a discussion I've long
> wanted to open up.
>
> First, everyone, blind, sighted, everyone, needs to recognize that
> people need help sometimes. There's nothing wrong with asking for help,
> but we also have to understand that blindness doesn't mean we need more
> help than anyone else. I've always been very independent, and when I
> lost my sight, it really irritated me that so many people thought I
> required so much help. When I was diagnosed with tachycardia and severe
> low blood pressure, it was difficult that there were times I literally
> couldn't do much physically. I've always been very active, and before my
> medications were regulated, I had a lot of difficulty just walking
> because I felt so weak. Requiring assistance to move around had nothing
> to do with my blindness, but I needed assistance because of my health. I
> still have episodes where I feel weak enough to the point where I may
> need an arm to lean on, but personally, I don't take sighted guide
> because of my blindness. And on a side note, when I do need such
> assistance, I don't care if the person is sighted or blind, as long as I
> have the support necessary is all I care about. I guess I shouldn't so
> much refer to it as sighted guide but simply a guide or support. Seeing
> as I'm predominantly with my hubby, and he is blind, he is usually the
> one who helps me out during these episodes, which goes to show I can't
> call it sighted guide. Smile.
>
> Now, I agree with you to an extent because I see so many blind people
> complain about society and how we're not treated as equals or like we
> can be independent. All this is said while I observe said people taking
> sighted assistance more than is necessary. I try to not judge people I
> don't know because I have no clue what a persons life is like. Such as
> myself, who when having my weak blood pressure episodes could be judged
> as a blind person always taking assistance, but if you knew me, you'd
> know that my reasoning for a guide of any kind is because of health
> related concerns. But I know plenty of people who have no reason to use
> sighted assistance for every little thing. It's tough to argue our
> independence and capabilities when we rarely choose to truly be
> independent.
>
> It makes my life difficult when I have to deal with people who have
> encountered blind people who not only constantly ask for sighted help,
> but expect it. It's really annoying to have to explain and demand
> independence from people who are only responding based on past
> experience with other blind people. As I keep saying, we can teach
> sighted people to treat us as equals and accept our abilities, but if
> blind people don't believe this, it negates the work done with our
> sighted peers. There was a security guard on my campus who every
> freaking time she saw me, she asked if I needed help, and in the
> beginning would do the arm grab. I found out that another blind student
> on campus frequently requested sighted guides to get from class to
> class, which ended up being the job designated to the security office. I
> discovered who said person was, and I knew them quite well, and they had
> no true reason requesting sighted guide as they could have learned to
> get around campus on their own, but they summarily refused to even
> consider the idea. Eventually the security guard realized I didn't
> require this kind of help and they just greeted me like they did anyone
> else when running into me, but based on prior experience, it was assumed
> I needed similar help. This is just as much a blind persons fault as it
> is a sighted persons.
>
> Trust me, it can be scary doing things independently for anyone, but
> when we choose to overcome fears and anxieties, we grow familiar with
> negotiating situations on our own. Eventually we become accustomed to
> navigating the world nonvisually, and people, not everyone, but many,
> observe our independence and will recognize we don't require help all
> the time.
>
> However, to make snap judgments and generalizations does nothing to help
> us either. I'd also like to point out to those who believe in the all or
> nothing method of travel that years ago Dr. Jernigan addressed some
> students as to why he chose to use sighted guide in certain situations.
> His response can be found on the NFB website. While we should act as
> independently as we can, there are times when we should feel no shame in
> requesting assistance. It's about efficiency. This is why NFB presidents
> use sighted guides during convention so they can efficiently navigate
> from place to place especially among so many other people careening
> about. It's not used all the time, or most of the time, but it's
> available if needed.
>
> That all being said, most of us can operate quite fine on our own. I
> don't have the time to wait for a sighted person to help me get stuff
> done, nor do I have a sighted person in my life who wants to be at my
> beck and call. Independent travel is something that I expect in blind
> people, and until we all understand this, we don't have much of a chance
> to ever be viewed as equals in society.
>
> Those who know me well, both sighted and blind, know I don't like having
> to ask for help for any reason. Sometimes we have no choice in the
> matter such as when a health issue is involved, but I don't appreciate
> judgmental attitudes from the blind or sighted world, which by the way
> is the same world.
>
> I live with my blind husband, and we live on our own. We take the bus to
> work, school, the market, doctor visits, etc., we go out to movies and
> theatre and restaurants, and we don't have sighted people there to
> assist whenever we feel the whim. And when out with sighted people, we
> still do things for ourselves such as go to the bathroom, walk, order
> food, whatever. I think the more we do things independently, the more we
> show people how capable we are.
>
> And when I said classmates let me lead the way in asking for help, I
> simply meant that they stopped asking all the time if I needed help. If
> I did, I'd ask, and they understood this. I presented myself with
> confidence and did what was expected of other classmates. I didn't
> expect, or ask for, special treatment unless necessary such as taking
> exams accessibly. I negotiated campus with no help, and in fact, usually
> knew my way around better than a lot of sighted classmates. Funny story,
> while in conversation with fellow classmates, I made a comment about the
> Weber Fine Arts building, to which one of my classmates responded by
> saying, "I don't know what building that is," and to which I replied,
> "It's the building you are sitting in currently." giggle. I figured
> school out just like everyone else has too, and I didn't believe myself
> less capable or less efficient than anyone else. To be treated as
> equals, we have to act and think like we are equal.
>
> We should be expected to do what anyone else is expected to do. I don't
> really know why we think we are expected to go beyond those
> expectations, within reason of course. I mean, should I start serving
> myself at sit-down restaurants because technically a sighted person is
> doing it for me. Should I walk everywhere in a city with more than one
> million people, because a driver on a bus is sighted after all. I mean,
> where is the line drawn for some of us? Apparently our independence is
> compromised because we ask for help no matter the situation. We
> certainly need to be aware of our independence and how we present
> ourselves in public especially if we claim to want equality, but we also
> have to live our lives and not to always be making points but for
> ourselves. A part of being equals and accepted as such, is to understand
> that we can, and will, ask for help at times and there's nothing wrong
> with this. It can be a fine balance, but we can't live our life thinking
> we can never, ever ask for help, sighted or otherwise, and if we take
> help, we've compromised our independence and the independence of blind
> people everywhere. I can't do a lot physically on the few occasions I
> suffer a low blood pressure, so I may take an arm if available. Since
> some may view this as equating to all blind people must need sighted
> help, it would be better for me to suffer and struggle around due to
> weakness and fatigue? It's ludacris. Or if we are in a situation where
> sighted assistance may make for a smoother transaction, we should be
> viewed as inefficient just as long as we're viewed as doing it alone?
> What's the better image? I'm 30 and no longer have the F-ing time to
> constantly have to prove a point, to sighted people or blind people
> alike. Judging and assuming come in different forms, let's not forget
> this.
>
> Sincerely,
> Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
> Read my blog at:
> http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
>
> "History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
> The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
>
> Message: 2
> Date: Thu, 10 Nov 2011 14:44:05 -0500
> From: Jedi <loneblindjedi at samobile.net>
> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Grabbing and streetcrossing help
> Message-ID: b77ac139-7925-43a6-9b75-e6551c43e223 at samobile.net
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format="flowed"
>
> Bridgit,
>
> I'm with you entirely on the idea that a person, of any sort, walking
> alone should indicate that help is not needed. But I think those
> blindness attitudes tend to erode good sense. And I'm with you that our
> actions mean a lot; we can't claim that we want to be independent
> travelers and ask for a sighted guide everywhere we go. I'm sorry to
> say that this is one of the few situations in which we can't have our
> cake and eat it, too.
>
> Respectfully,
> Jedi
>
>
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