[nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
frandi.galindo at gmail.com
frandi.galindo at gmail.com
Fri Feb 10 03:30:37 UTC 2012
For Those of you who hate the violence, do so, but please read the messages
very carefully. Bullying has been, and will always be around, we are just
hearing about it now. Why, because the news and the papers only show those
that are worthy enough to be included in the news. For example, the ones
where the kid who got picked on shows up at school with some kind of weapon,
and vice versa. Yes violence is certainly not the answer, but sometimes
that is the only way a bully will learn.
For decades I am sure schools have been telling kids that the way to deal
with a bully is to go and tell on them. That may be a temporary fix, but
eventually the bully will retaliate. AWhat may have been a piece of food in
a drink, a barrage of name calling, or the placement of a cane in another
part of the school, may turn out to be something more. The bullying may
increase dromatically, or it may get kicked up a bit. Who knows. But
hiding behind the skirts of a grown-up won't keep you safe for the rest of
your life. In the world we humans have created, we all in someway have to
stand up for ourselves. Take the following situations for example:
Lets say you are walking down the street minding your own business when all
of the sudden a mugger stops you in your tracks and demands for your wallet
and valuables. I don't think telling him to stop or hiding in every
possible nook will keep you from getting your stuff stolen. In that
situation you could either defend yourselve, shout out, or just simply give
him or her what she or he is asking for. However, lets say you give him or
her the things that he or she ask for. Now the thief could either beat the
crap out of you, and run, kill you and run, or just simply run. Most
likely he or she will take option C. Now you most likely wouldn't get
killed by a mugger because he or she just wants to get your shit and run for
his or her life.
Now lets say you were at a bar or a club and some dude decided to give you a
left hook because, well why else, because you were in his way. I don't
think you would be like, "stop sir that hurt." That might just get you
another smack. That’s when you have to stand up for yourself. If you show
him or her what you are made of he or she might just stop, or that person
just might come back for more. You could also inform security, and have
that person thrown out. You may have gotten that person thrown out of said
establishment, but he or she could be waiting for you out in the parking lot
with a score to settle. Their again you might have to defend yourself.
Now lets say you have just gotten to work, punched in, went to your cubical,
and begun your days work. A group of co-workers have just dumped their
unwanted work on you as they do every day. You see the pile and decide that
you have had enough. Not only because you are falling behind on your own
work, but because your are sick of getting walked on. Before you have a
chance to do anything about it, your boss has just informed you about
complaints she received about your mistakes you have repeatedly made. After
enquiring as to what mistakes these might be, you discover that the falt is
not your own, but with one of those who has dumped their work on you. This
co-worker has used you as a scape goat. Enough is enough, but you obviously
can't use violence to solve this problem. You still need to stand up for
yourself so you refuse to do the pile of unwanted work that your other
co-workers threw at you. Eventually the unwanted work stops coming because
your co-workers start getting in trouble for not getting their work done.
Obviously these are just examples. In one of the previous e-mails, Andi
wrote about what the person should do about his bullying problems. Many of
you keep on giving him the same repetative answers that schools and so
called bully experts give school children, but none of you have told him to
stand up. And yes he tried telling, but as you can see from the e-mails,
the bullying has started up again. I am sure The person beeing bullied has
tried those solutions, and now Its time he stood up for himself.
I don't mean to offend anybody on this list because you all gave excelent
advice, but now its time for this person who is getting bullied to grow some
balls. Dude, stand up for yourself. Like Andi said
"
There is no telling what will make a particular bully stop
> harassing you but two things are sertain telling on him or her will only
> make it worse and you just have to stand up to them in some way shape or
> form. If you can start with as little of confrentation nesesary to make
> your point, but if it doesn't work you have to escalate the comebacks.
> Sometimes a simple clever comment will do it but sometimes more is needed.
> I know the saying two rongs don't make a right and that is fine and dandy
> in a perfict world but it doesn't apply to the real world. Of course you
> shouldn't be a bully yourself but if you don't defend yourself nothing can
> help you."
Andi gave some ways of defending himself that seemed violent to some of you,
and she also gave some solutions that weren't at all violent. I believe
before we all decide to jump down someones throat about something someone
replies about, we should all read everything before deciding to reply.
Remember people, you won't always be behind a grownup's skirts when you
enter the real world.
-----Original Message-----
From: Ashley Bramlett
Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2012 6:42 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
Mark,
I was going to say the same; sadly, violence is violence and they do not
look at the situation-- the fact you are defending yourself. So tell the
faculty and administrators; you can also defend yourself but in nonviolent
ways like avoiding the bully; telling him to stop; since you cannot see, get
friends to tell you if he is coming. Things like that.
Hope it stops
-----Original Message-----
From: Mark J. Cadigan
Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2012 5:50 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
Hi all,
I'd just like to comment on Andi's post.
The times have changed since we were in middle school. Escalating to
physical violence is an incredibly bad idea in today's hyper sensitive
society. The teachers will only penalize you for defending yourself; this
means you have to do so in more creative, non-violent, ways. This is not to
say that self defense has no place, however, the best self defense is to
avoid the situation all together.
Another thing, remember, that you could be charged with a crime, assault,
for hitting someone else, and don't think the DA won't charge someone who is
blind. If you hit with anything besides bare hands, or carry or god forbid
use anything that could be considered a weapon even in self defense, the
charges get more serious.
To all middle school and high school students reading this, remember that
reporting events like the one Chris described is the best option. If you
report it, and it is documented you report it, the school is liable for
anything that happens due to there inaction. So, if this happens to you,
tell a teacher, tell your parents, and tell the bully to stop. Also, stand
buy your friends. If someone is bullying your friend, tell them to stop. If
you watch your buddies back, he will watch yours.
Keep safe, and watch your 6
Mark
----- Original Message -----
From: "Andi" <adrianne.dempsey at gmail.com>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2012 5:28 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
> The only efective way to deal with a bully is to show him or her that you
> will not take the crap he or she dishes out. Depending on the situation
> this can be done in different ways but telling the principal or teacher
> doesn't do anything except convey to the bully that you cant deal with it
> yourself. This is probably not true but that is how a bully thinks and
> usually doesn't give a secont thought to what athorities have to say. This
> attitude on the bullies part will only ensight more bullying and it will
> get worse. I spent most of my elementary recess on top of the swing set
> because most other kids could not climb up their to get me. When I didn't
> make it up the poles in time I was severely beaten up or had my face
> ground in to the dirt. That treatment started out as simple yet anoying
> things like you menchend with the pretsals and yogurt and escolated to
> violence. I diden't fight back because I was told it would go on my
> permanent record if I got in trouble. I told the teachers who did nothing
> and told the principal who did call the kids out on it but that made it
> worse because the bullies got mad. I tripped one of the perpetrators with
> my cane as he was getting off the buss once and he new I did it on perpous
> because I winked and smiled malistiously at him. He never hirt me again
> and started defending me against other bullies. It is not always that
> simple though and sometimes requires more confrentation. However sometimes
> you can avoid confrentation all together by appearing tough. I joind the
> wrestling team when I was in seventh grade and won a lot of matches. Word
> spread about the tough blind chick wrestler, and people stopped messing
> with me. That is people who were not on the team. My team mates were not
> happy about having a female on the team and tride to brake my nec with
> illegal moves and tripping me when we did our laps on the stairs. Their
> was nothing I could do except beet them up and their were to many of them
> for that to work so I had to endure it, when they saw I was going on with
> my life despite their sabotage atempts and becoming a better athleet
> because of it many of the main offenders quit the team by the time I
> reached highschool. Another bully I simply yelld at and he was so shocked
> the blind girl new who he was and what he was doing he stopped right then
> and their. There is no telling what will make a particular bully stop
> harassing you but two things are sertain telling on him or her will only
> make it worse and you just have to stand up to them in some way shape or
> form. If you can start with as little of confrentation nesesary to make
> your point, but if it doesn't work you have to escalate the comebacks.
> Sometimes a simple clever comment will do it but sometimes more is needed.
> I know the saying two rongs don't make a right and that is fine and dandy
> in a perfict world but it doesn't apply to the real world. Of course you
> shouldn't be a bully yourself but if you don't defend yourself nothing can
> help you. I wish some one would have told me that when I was younger it
> would have saved a lot of heart ake and bodily damage.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Chris Nusbaum
> Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 4:15 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
>
> Good point. He's known to be a pain in the butt throughout the
> school. So, I don't think it was just me, although this was a
> "joke" on the "blind guy," but he's probably pulling the same
> pranks on others. I just hope that whatever happens to him after
> this incident will stop him from doing anything like this to
> anyone, not just me.
>
> Chris
>
> "The real problem of blindness is not the loss of eyesight. The
> real problem is the misunderstanding and lack of education that
> exists. If a blind person has the proper training and
> opportunity, blindness can be reduced to a mere physical
> nuisance."
> -- Kenneth Jernigan
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Sat, 4 Feb 2012 14:34:19 -0700
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
>
> One more thing-I don't think these kinds of things are just about
> blindness. While your bully might be playing tricks on you that
> take
> advantage of your blindness, he might easily be playing different
> kinds of jokes on other kids. He should definitely get in
> trouble, but
> what he's doing to you isn't necessarily worse than what he might
> do
> to other kids. That is, unless he's tripping you or otherwise
> threatening your physical safety. If it goes from pranking you
> to
> harming you, you will need to get more adults involved.
> Arielle
>
> On 2/4/12, Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com> wrote:
> I agree about having friends watch your back. The most
> effective way
> to keep from being picked on by this particular guy again is
> simply to
> avoid him-try not to sit at his lunch table or come in contact
> with
> him in other ways. Your friends should be able to help you
> accomplish
> this.
> Also, if you try not to give him opportunities to tease you, and
> just
> give him as little reaction as possible when he does pull
> something,
> he should soon get bored and stop pranking you. These kinds of
> people
> thrive on attention. Confronting him about what he did will
> likely
> just egg him on.
> Arielle
>
> On 2/3/12, Dave Webster <dwebster125 at comcast.net> wrote:
> That's pretty bad putting your bad of pretzels in your water.
> Hopefully
> it
> was just one of those small individual sixed bags and not the
> really bit
> ones. I'd be sad if someone did that especially if it was a big
> bag of
> them.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org
> [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf
> Of Nicole B. Torcolini at Home
> Sent: Friday, February 03, 2012 5:10 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
>
> This is not the kind of thing that you put in an IEP.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Hope Paulos" <hope.paulos at gmail.com
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 4:48 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
>
>
> Hi Chris. I'm assuming you're in high school.. I'd go to
> both your
> principal and your guidance counselor. I wouldn't talk to him
> directly--
> I
>
> think he'd get more dicipline if you had the principal talk to
> him. I'd
> also bring it up during your IEP/PET.
> HTH
> Hope and Beignet
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Beth" <thebluesisloose at gmail.com
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 6:54 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
>
>
> I knew this kid, speaking of criminals who were playground and
> school
> bullies, who was always harassing me, got mein trouble at lunch
> one day
> in
>
> elementary school, and later went on to rape somebody and go to
> jail for
> it.
> Beth
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Desiree Oudinot <turtlepower17 at gmail.com
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Wed, 1 Feb 2012 18:41:07 -0500
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] asking for advice on problem at school
>
> When I was in elementary school, I had kids stealing books from
> me,
> throwing erasers in my hair, pulling chairs out from under me,
> you
> name it, they did it. The worst part was that most times, my
> teachers
> were right there, and refused to do anything about it, because
> they
> too were uncomfortable with my blindness, so why should they
> intervene? I say this because it wasn't so long ago that this
> happened
> to me. I grew up in the 90's, before bullying was the huge deal
> it is
> now, but still close enough to the events of Columbine that it
> wasn't
> completely unheard of either. And it was as "unacceptable" then
> as it
> is now. Yes, I put unacceptable in quotes, because guess what,
> it
> happens every day and so little of it is actually dealt with.
> Meanwhile, things that are no real problem at all are resulting
> in
> criminal records, such as a case I heard about recently where a
> boy
> gave his friend a hug in school and was charged with sexual
> harassment. I forget their exact ages, but they were young,
> elementary
> school age. And yet, kids are driven to suicide, depression,
> drugs,
> and every other dysfunction in the book, because they're bullied
> mercilessly every day and no one will do anything about it.
> Why do I say all this? I say it because I hope your school isn't
> like
> mine was. I hope that someone in authority actually cares. I
> hope that
> it doesn't escalate, because most kids have a cruel streak. I
> think
> it's true what they say about the impulsiveness of
> adolescents--it's
> human nature to be cruel, and at that age, most of us haven't
> learned
> how to control those impulses or aggressions, making them the
> most
> prone not only to selfishness and thoughtlessness, but to almost
> animal rage, not to mention an inability to see beyond their own
> actions to how they might be affecting others. My point is,
> people
> like this have to be stopped. Perhaps if something can get
> through to
> them while they're still young and impressionable, they might
> not grow
> up to be tomorrow's criminals. Or maybe they will, who knows.
> But I've
> seen enough to know what usually happens in these situations,
> even if
> it was 15 years ago; and, in saying that, I hope things have
> evolved
> at least a little bit since then. It makes me sick to read
> messages
> like this. I hope for your sake that these small actions do not
> go
> untouched. Right now this kid is probably testing the waters,
> seeing
> just how much he can get away with. If he can steal a pack of
> gum, so
> to speak, he may try to steal a candy bar next, then a bag of
> chips,
> and on and on it goes, you get the picture.
>
> On 2/1/12, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
> Chris, I know what you're going through.
> I had a girl, put a dead frog in my shirt, as we were playing
> outside,
> (I was in elementary school, when that happened.)
> Go to your principal, and he/she should do something.
> This stuff has got to stop!
> If they don't do anything, go in front of the schoolboard!
> Blessings, Joshua
>
> On 2/1/12, Chris Nusbaum <dotkid.nusbaum at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hi everyone,
>
> I had a problem at school today that I'd like to get your
> thoughts on as to what I should do next. Today during lunch,
> another kid at my table dumped his bag of pretzels into my water
> bottle without my knowing; he must have thought it was some kind
> of funny prank. Fortunately, I was sitting next to a good
> friend
> of mine, who told me about this. Even after multiple people
> commented negatively about what he did, he said nothing.
>
> Variations on this have happened before with this same kid as
> the
> perpetrater; only once before today this school year and 3 times
> last year. The one time something like this happened this year,
> he put his dirty napkin in my Yogurt cup (after I had finished
> eating the Yogurt) without saying anything. The first time
> (with
> the napkin,) I realized that this had happened as I was getting
> my trash together to throw it away. Knowing who did it, since
> he'd done this kind of thing before last year, I said, "(Insert
> name,) why is your napkin in my Yogurt?" Knowing that he had
> been
> caught, he replied, "Oh... sorry." I then talked to the lunch
> lady who is in charge of supervising all of us in the lunchroom.
> She said she would talk to him. I wasn't there when she did,
> but
> apparently she had, as the problem (for about a month and a
> half)
> had been resolved... that is, until today.
>
> I feel that this is a person taking advantage of my blindness
> and
> playing a "prank" on me knowing that I won't catch him. So,
> what
> do you think I should do next? Should I go to our principal?
> Should I talk to him directly? Any suggestions would be greatly
> appreciated!
> Thanks,
>
> Chris
>
> "The real problem of blindness is not the loss of eyesight. The
> real problem is the misunderstanding and lack of education that
> exists. If a blind person has the proper training and
> opportunity, blindness can be reduced to a mere physical
> nuisance."
> -- Kenneth Jernigan
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account
> info for
> nabs-l:
>
>
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/jlester8462%4
> 0students.pccua.edu
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account
> info for
> nabs-l:
>
>
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/turtlepower17
> %40gmail.com
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account
> info for
> nabs-l:
>
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/thebluesisloo
> se%40gmail.com
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account
> info for
> nabs-l:
>
>
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/hope.paulos%4
> 0gmail.com
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account
> info for
> nabs-l:
>
>
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/ntorcolini%40
> wavecable.c
> om
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account
> info for
> nabs-l:
>
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/dwebster125%4
> 0comcast.ne
> t
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account
> info for
> nabs-l:
>
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/arielle71%40g
> mail.com
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info
> for nabs-l:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/dotkid.nusbau
> m%40gmail.com
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> nabs-l:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/adrianne.dempsey%40gmail.com
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> nabs-l:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/kramc11%40gmail.com
_______________________________________________
nabs-l mailing list
nabs-l at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
nabs-l:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/bookwormahb%40earthlink.net
_______________________________________________
nabs-l mailing list
nabs-l at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
nabs-l:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/frandi.galindo%40gmail.com
More information about the NABS-L
mailing list