[nabs-l] Question for you all

Kirt Manwaring kirt.crazydude at gmail.com
Tue Oct 16 23:58:14 UTC 2012


Koby,
  I don't know your parents so what I'm about to say might not even
have a prayer of working.  But, sometimes, I think we can get the idea
in our heads that complete financial independence needs to happen all
at once.  I prefer to take a more gradual approach, at least in my own
life.
  Let me be clear, I think what your mom did is absolutely
unacceptable.  While I've never been overdrawn, I know it happens all
the time and her response was way, way out of line.  That being said,
if your mom knows how to be rational and level-headed, taking things
slow might be the best course of action.  If politely asking her to
stop checking your bank account doesn't do the trick, calmly letting
her know that you will be opening another account elsewhere and using
it instead may be your best bet.  While it's true it might take both
of you to close a joint account, there's nothing stopping you from
opening another account somewhere else and, if the money in your
original bank account is really yours, transfering it over to your new
one before you can be stopped.  I'd say that should be a last resort
kind of thing because it might sour family relations even further and,
technically, your mom could dispute any money transfered to your new
account as she is a joint owner of your first one.  At the very least,
you could make sure that any new money you earned would go to another
account your parents have no say over, but I'd at least give it some
thought before doing that.
  I had a kind of similar thing happen to me, although it wasn't
nearly on the level of what you experienced.  My dad is a joint owner
on my bank account (a situation I choose to accept at present), and he
confronted me at one point saying he didn't aprove of some of the
things I was spending money on.  I told him that bothered me and he's
never looked at my account since.  (unless he has some tricky way of
logging on without the system displaying it in my "last log-on"
information which it shows me every time I log in.  And, anyway, he's
not that tricky or sneaky.)  We worked it out and, at least
temporarily, we've reached that understanding.  Once I get another job
and move out of the house again (I moved back after going through
training, because it made the most financial sense for me), I'll
probably open another account that only has my name on it.  But, since
we're not having confrontations over the issue anymore and my parents
are respecting my fanancial privacy, it's not extremely urgent for me.
  I don't know if any of that helped, but I figured I'd share.
  Best,
Kirt

On 10/14/12, Jedi Moerke <loneblindjedi at samobile.net> wrote:
> David is right. There comes a time when our parents control over us   Starts
> from our own willingness to control ourselves.
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> On Oct 14, 2012, at 5:30 PM, David <davidb521 at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Hello. First of all, this sounds illegal. I assume that you are over 18,
>> in which case, only you should have access to your bank account, unless
>> you consented to granting her access. If I were in your situation, I would
>> certainly look in to filing some sort of legal action against her for her
>> unacceptable breach of privacy. Your personal financial situation is of
>> course none of my business, but the fact is, she cannot legally dictate to
>> you how you spend your personal money, however responsibly or
>> irresponsibly. The only leverage she has is ultimately determined by you,
>> and I know that that is a harsh statement. I wish you the best of luck.
>> David Bouchard
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>> On Oct 14, 2012, at 6:19 PM, Jedi Moerke <loneblindjedi at samobile.net>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> You may want to see about a budgeting class. The class cannot only help
>>> you with your current issue, but it can also prepare you for the day when
>>> you do move out. I'm not sure what I would do if my mother put me in that
>>> situation. Good luck with that one.
>>>
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>
>>> On Oct 13, 2012, at 1:24 PM, "Koby Cox" <kobycox at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Hello all,
>>>> This past week my mom went on-line and looked at my bank account and
>>>> saw
>>>> that I was overdrawen. A doctors office takes out $110 every month to
>>>> cover a procedure that I had done the amount that they take out Is what
>>>> I'm responseible for paying because insurance didn't cover the rest of
>>>> it. I'm fine with that however, My mom said that she was going to take
>>>> my bank card away from me until next month and then we'll see If I get
>>>> It back. She also informed me that I can't spend more than $100 unless
>>>> I
>>>> talk to her first. She said that If I don't like her rules then I can
>>>> pack my stuff and get out. What do you all think about all of this?
>>>> Right back soon,
>>>> Koby.
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